Chasing Waters
by NCWhitlock
Summary: I coughed while opening the door but was only faced with the expanse of his entire backside; nothing was hidden under the covers like I expected. I used my hands to shield my eyes but kept one looking in curiosity to see who he had under him.
1. Chapter 1

**WARNING**: If you are under the age of 18, you are advised to please leave this page now. This story has course language, adult material and graphic themes.

**DISCLAIMER**: If you hadn't noticed, most characters belong to SM, we just play around with them for our own, and people's, entertainment.

**A/N:** This will be a multi-chapter story, so we hope you stick around and enjoy the ride. We do always appreciate some positive and/or constructive criticism through reviews or PMs!

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**Edward**

**1. Caught**

I managed to pull my arm from under my comforter and open my eyes wide enough to look my phone. I shut off my alarm that I set last night. I groaned at the realization that yet another day of my life was starting while I was still pathetic, lonely, and deeply buried in the closet.

Despite how much I had looked forward to this glorious, life-altering day, I woke up feeling like taking a gun to my head and pulling the trigger. And it was all because of my parents. Well, it was a lot easier to blame them rather than adding more shit to the list of things I hated about Jasper, which had been growing slowly but surely, at the back of my mind for several years.

I'd been living in Forks my entire life, and always been fairly satisfied with it. I didn't mind the pale skin I, and many other people, had as a cause of the constant grey weather. My childhood had been uneventfully normal – below average normality even. My family had over the years become the definition of a lame cliché. My mom was the owner of a clothing store, which featured several of her own clothing lines, in the center of Port Angeles, and my dad had his own lawyer office for people who needed a divorce. His business was quickly increasing my parents' income, which I won't complain about at all, but it meant I had to go to the best university in the state like a good, smart boy so my dad had something new to brag about to his acquaintances and clients. I was almost worried he'd promise me away to some sad, divorced, rich woman's daughter just to earn some money. But that was just the extreme worst case scenario. I hoped.

The only one to break the ice of my monotone life had been my best friend, Rosalie. She and her family – including her awful whore of a brother, Jasper – had moved to Forks when Rose and I were ten years old and Jasper eleven. I had been absolutely fascinated by both of their natural charm and honey-gold hair. But then reality kicked in and I realized what an arrogant attention whore Jasper really was. But Rosalie kept amazing me with her kindness. We easily became the best of friends; our friendship completely platonic through our pre-teen years. But as high school came and passed by, even our parents had started to become suspicious as to why our relationship hadn't naturally grown into more. But the thing just was… I was absolutely one hundred percent gay.

We'd both come to that realization together during the summer after we finished tenth grade.

**_E_**

_Rose and I were both lying on our backs, heads to hips, on the floor in my basement on a Wednesday afternoon. It was the only place we could get some peace from both our families and be able to chit-chat freely without the fear of being overheard._

_Rosalie let out a sudden melodic laugh, and I turned my head in question. "Jasper just texted me. He said, 'She won't even give me her number!' then drew a crying face. Her name is Mary, he's been trying to get to her all week. Pathetic." She laughed and I chuckled along with her. _

"_Oh! I almost forgot to tell you; I bought our tickets to the semi-formal dance!" I sat up and clapped my hands together in excitement. I practically jumped at every chance to wear a tux. _

"_Oh finally!" she sat up too, "And I've been meaning to tell you; I found a really cute dress store that's in a mall in Port Angeles, I was wondering If you'd come with me and check it out...?" She looked up at me with her steely blue eyes through her eyelashes and flashed me her white glistening teeth, as if I could say no to a question like that. _

"_Of course I'll come," I gave her my brightest smile as I thought about going shopping with Rose. It was difficult, but at the end it was definitely fun. I'd always found the world of girl stuff kind of fascinating. We continued to talk and waited for my mom to come home in order to get a ride to the mall. _

**_E_**

"_SO! What do you think?__" Rosalie twirled around, her shiny blonde her dancing down her back. This was the fifth dress store we'd entered today, and I was starting to feel tired._

"_It's beautiful, Rose. The red is really vibrant, but it totally compliments your skin tone."_

_She huffed, "Edward! This one is blue!"_

_I looked up at her annoyed expression, "What? Rose, you've tried on about fifty dresses today! At this point all of them look the same to me!" _

"_Fine, Edward. I'm sorry for fishing for some compliments." She shut the door to the fitting room. I rolled my eyes at my personal drama queen and walked out of the store to wait for her by a bench. I always felt bad when I offended her or didn't pay attention to her. It had always been one of those things I struggled with – paying attention. I was easily distracted, and this was about the one millionth time Rose got annoyed with me because of it._

_After spotting her walking up to me I stood up and pulled her into a hug. She was a couple of inches shorter than me, and the perfect height for me to wrap my arms around her shoulders. I liked having her in my arms. In my head I became her protector, and had always done my best to fulfill that role; it made me feel useful. Having my arms wrapped around her had always felt so naturally comfortable. "Hey, I'm sorry for being insensitive."_

"_You're not," she chided._

"_Well, may be a little bit. But you have to know that you are beautiful. And you don't need to fish for compliments because you know you break necks when you walk into a room."_

_She lifted her head to smirk at me. "I know,"_

"_So, we're good?"_

"_Yup."_

_I smiled and went to pull away so we could continue shopping. She kept her tight hold on me though, and I giggled. "Uhm, wanna let me go now?" I turned back to see her looking at me as if she were considering something strange yet new. I tried to laugh easily to lighten the mood. "What?" I smiled nervously, and tried to wrestle my way out of her grip once again._

"_You know, sometimes I think you only come shopping with me because you like looking at the dresses more than watching me try them on." Her tone turned playfully accusing and I suddenly felt uncomfortable in her tight embrace. _

_My mind started spinning and I feared what she would say next. I wished she would stop talking now, so I wouldn't have to hear the word. I knew she was going to say it now. Rose wasn't the kind of person who would hold back with her thoughts. She was exactly opposite. "W-what do you mean? Of course I like watching you shop. I mean, you're beautiful, any guy would follow-"_

"_Yes, but Edward!" she cut me off and I realized I was about to start rambling again. That was the second sign that usually occurred whenever I get nervous; the first sign being the extremely embarrassing girly blush that seemed to love invading my face during the worst possible times. Right now I was already past a simple heated up cheek. Fuck. _

_Her next sentence cleared my head out of its trance though. "I've been rubbing my boobs all over you for the past five minutes! And you don't even seem to notice!"_

_My heart started beating furiously and my eyes danced around in their sockets, refusing to look at her. I didn't want her to look into my eyes and see the truth all played out in the depths of them, as she seemed to always do._

"_Edward, are you gay?"_

_Fuck. That word. There was no going back now – she'd said my name and the word in the same sentence. I literally started feeling the sweat forming and dripping down my neck. I felt her arms tighten around me when I tried to move away, this time with a lot more force. I suddenly felt confined to my own skin and couldn't stand being in the crowded hall way anymore. I used more effort to pull away from Rose as I turned to make a run for it and heard her gasp in surprise._

_Why was she surprised? She should be disgusted. Maybe even scared of me. I'd always known this would happen. She was going to find out and break up with me. Hell, we weren't even together in the first place. She was going to smile politely, tell me I was a nice guy, but not the one for her. I knew it. I wanted to slap myself, wishing the hit would switch something off in my head, and make me constantly stare at her boobs. So many things would be easier for me if I could actually do that. I wouldn't lose Rose... maybe it would even bring us closer. However, as much as I hated it, I had to face reality eventually, and it was ugly and scary as hell._

_I pushed and shoved my way through the crowd. It kept growing and growing the more I ran and I started to feel claustrophobic. I needed to get out. I needed to be alone. My legs kept carrying me forward as I heard several people grunting and calling out in anger as I pushed through the mob of humans. I heard my name being repeated by Rosalie but it became distant. Finally, I spotted a door that led to the parking lot and I started to run even faster. I flung myself through the door and outside into the open space. I greeted the fresh air and sunlight with bliss, but kept on walking down the sidewalk until I found a bench and threw myself down onto it. It wasn't after I'd brought my hands to my face and felt wetness that I realized tears were streaming down my flushed cheeks._

_Fuck! Why was I crying! Shit! I wiped my face frantically with the hem of my shirt and tried to force myself to calm down. My brain was racing at a hundred miles per second and I couldn't make sense of any thoughts going on. My head started to throb and I heard my heart beating in my ears. Then it suddenly leapt into my throat as I heard Rosalie shout my name in concern. I felt her slouch down next to me and my body immediately curled up into a ball, my arms hugging my knees tightly. _

"_Edward, are you alright?"_

_I tried to open my mouth and use my voice to tell her that I was fine; that she could leave if she wanted to. But my throat was knotted up and no sound came out. I felt mentally and physically paralyzed. My eyes had dried and I was staring blankly at the cars moving with lightning speed about a yard ahead of us. _

"_Edward, come on, you're scaring me. Please say something." _

_I tried to open my mouth again but the first thing that came out was a sob. My face scrunched up as I tried to hold back the rest. I tried to bite my lip hard, to distract myself with the pain, but nothing worked. Then I felt Rosalie scoot close next to me and wrap an arm protectively around my back. I instinctively shivered and felt my body lean into her. We simply sat there looking like idiots. Every few minutes I wanted to stand up and tell her that she should just leave; that I was only embarrassing her in front of strangers. But my mind started to clear up and comprehensive thoughts made their way through my mind. _

_After what seemed like sitting on the burning bench, a cause of the blaring sun, forever, I realized Rosalie's hand had been rubbing my back gently to sooth me. _

_The first words that seemed to escape my mouth were, "I'm fine, I'm fine," _

"_No, you're not fine; don't even say that you're fine! You looked like you were having a panic attack!"_

_But as soon as I realized what was going on my mouth just went on a spree. "I'm sorry, so, so-sorry. I shouldn't have- I shouldn't- I mean you, you were just- you're…"_

"_Shhhh, shh, Edward. It's okay; you don't have to explain anything right now." She kept her gentle strokes on my back and I almost bawled out again at the wonder of why she was being gentle with me. I didn't understand; I used her; I didn't live up to her expectations. Confusion struck me and I found myself frowning. After all those years that we'd spent together, slowly building up our relationship, she found out that I will never be for her what our parents expected of us. How can she sit here alongside me, a crying sixteen year old, and act as if nothing has changed? What if she doesn't understand what's going on? I didn't understand what was going on. _

_After I'd calmed down again she asked, "Are you alright now? Do you wanna talk about it?"_

"_I'm s-"_

"_No! Do not apologize for anything. Just talk."_

"_Uhm," I tried to clear up my head to come up with something coherent to say. What was I supposed to do? What should I expect from her? What did she expect from me!_

"_Fine, do you want me to talk then?"_

_I thought about that. Yeah, of course I wanted to know what she was thinking. What if she was expecting this to happen! What if she'd planned ahead and knew the perfect words to break me with. "Yeh- Yes, please." I replied, uncertainly. _

"_Well, I don't know what's going on inside this head of yours, but let me tell you something. If I was right… and you really are gay… then please, please, don't think that you have to be scared of anything. Not even of me. Not anyone, ever. And don't think that it will scare me away either. Because it won't. Do you understand? I've loved you for many years as a best friend; I'm not going to stop loving you now because of a single word. Edward, you were inside the mall just now, trying to make me feel better about myself; telling me I'm beautiful. Even though I didn't even deserve your sympathy, I was just being over dramatic. But you know what? You are the best friend I have ever had. You are not only handsome, but you have a beautiful heart. You are very loving and loyal and always there for me when I need you. And I love that about you. I love you, for who you are, not who you think people want you to be. Okay?" I finally looked up at her to see her face resting in an easy, loving expression. "And that's not going to change just because you don't want to get in my pants." She joked. _

_I involuntarily let out a laugh and snot flew out of my nose. "Shit," I wiped it away and rolled my eyes at how pathetic I must look. _

"_You okay now?"_

"_Yeah. Yeah, I uh… sorry for that. I don't know what happened. I don't know what's wrong with me. I can't belie-"_

"_Hey! There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Although, I think we need to go home now and have a longer more efficient talk in privacy." She giggled and I smiled. _

"_So, you're okay with… I mean, you don't mind me, may be… being…"_

"_You being gay? You can say it, Edward. It's not a taboo word." She chuckled. She almost seemed too comfortable with it. Oh well, she could easily be. She wasn't the one who'd have to go through everything that was ahead of me now. Because of one single word, my life has now changed forever. I didn't like how my future looked. Though, I still didn't believe it. This must be a dream, it couldn't be real. _

_I cleared my throat and managed, "Uhm, you don't mind me being… gay?" Even the word itself felt foreign on my tongue._

"_Nope, not at all!" Her smile widened. "Actually, I've been thinking about it for a while now. I mean, we are sixteen. Sure, we've been friends since we were ten, but our parents haven't been the only ones wondering why you haven't kissed me yet, or even asked me out."_

"_Yeah, uh… well I've never… you know,"_

"_Yeah, trust me honey, I know. We'll start working on that as soon as I get over the fact that one less person in the world will want to touch these lips." She pointed to her own lips and giggled, getting up and dragging me up with her. _

_I pulled her into a tight hug, feeling as comfortable as I ever had. "Oh and Rose,"_

"_What?"_

_She looked up and I smiled. Leaning down, I pecked her lips for a second and lifted up to see her smiling widely. "Thank you, for everything. You don't know how much I need your support right now, more than ever."_

"_You know I'm always here for you anytime, Eddie. Now, come on, we have a whole lot to talk about. I mean, how long have you known? Or at least, suspected? Do you have a crush on anyone? Does anyone else know? Oh! Do you watch gay porn?"_

**_E_**

So, I'm not the kind of gay who's crying and sobbing in the back of the closet anymore, but I was definitely still somewhere in that fucking closet. God, I hated that closet. It felt like it's getting smaller around me by every passing second. Suffice to say, that I still wasn't comfortable with telling the world that I liked to suck dick rather than eat pussy.

I sighed and sat up in bed, feeling slightly dizzy at the high school memories. I went to check the time on my phone in order to make sure I wasn't late for my first class, only to find out that it had merely been nine minutes since my alarm rang. Weird. I wasn't as excited for this day as I felt I should be. My mind was completely awake, and my body was yearning for movement, but my heart was yearning to climb back into bed and curl back in on itself. I wasn't ready to face the place I would be waking up to for at least the next four years.

Before I could make a decision however, I heard the front door of the apartment open and slam shut. I heard footsteps and then someone burst through my bedroom door. I instinctively covered myself with my covers, surprised because I was usually the first one to wake up in this household.

"Rise and shine, Eddie!" Jasper laughed. He sounded like he'd been up for the last four hours; as if it was one in the afternoon rather than seven in the morning. I groaned and flopped back under my pillow as he walked up to my window and pulled back the curtains.

"Go to hell,"

"Stop being such a grouch like always. This is your first day! Quit sulking."

"My day was starting to look fine 'till the minute you walked in here,"

He laughed as if he couldn't care less what I thought of him and went to annoy the rest of the people living here. I was so awfully used to the sound of him laughing. At me, especially. One of his favorite hobbies had always been to mock me, tease me and annoy me. But of course that was only a close second to his favorite hobby of all time: screwing every single creature that was ever given legs to walk on. May be I was exaggerating slightly, but that was exactly how I saw it.

I forced myself to move out of bed to find something to wear. I ducked into my stack of sweaters, and found that picking an outfit for the first day of school was harder than I thought. Grey? Too boring. Red? Too desperate. Blue? Too… blue. After what felt like hours I gave up, closed my eyes, and let faith do the work. My hands came up with the baggy navy blue sweater and the faded jeans I'd matched with it earlier. Thankfully it was a combination that allowed me to blend perfectly with crowds; I didn't like to stand out too much.

"Are you gonna wear that?"

"Yes, Jasper. Is it a problem?"

"I liked the red one you tried on better."

I grimaced and turned to narrow my eyes at him. "How long have you been standing there?"

"Long enough to know you're wearing red briefs with white stripes." He smirked.

"Get the fuck out."

"You have a nice ass!" I heard him laugh as he walked off. I wanted to murder him right then and there. It was sickening how open he was about his sexuality. How dare he talk freely about his sex life no matter what gender it involved? Or genders, I should say. Threesomes and gangbangs seemed to be something he enjoyed as well. Bastard. There should be a law against it. _Don't flaunt your sexuality into closeted peoples' faces…_

I rolled my eyes at my foolishness. I'd tried to convince myself countless times that Jasper was an inconsiderate, egotistical, lazy waste of human flesh. But the truth was, while I sit at home and watch reruns of _How I Met Your Mother_ with Rosalie, Jasper's only dilemma is whether to hit the gay or straight clubs or bars that night. He was Mr. I'm so sexy and I know it, while I was a closeted freak that runs away down the street in his boxers at midnight, at the mere mention of a rimjob. Don't ask.

Deep down I knew I was simply jealous of him, but the day I admit that, is the day you ask me to touch a vagina.

I made my way to the bathroom and immediately cursed under my breath in shock as I spotted Jacob standing in front of the mirror with a towel wrapped around his waist and another in his hand, drying his hair.

"Holy crap, Jacob. How many times do I have to tell you; close the fucking door when you're in here." I focused my eyes on my reflection in the mirror as I walked up beside him and started to brush my teeth.

"Why? I thought you liked all of this!"

He spread his arms wide and wrapped them around me. He was at least a head taller than me and about ten times stronger; his arms were packed with fat muscles and I was afraid he was going to dislocate my shoulders. I spit some toothpaste out. "Eugh, no. You're not my type, at all."

"Whatever, you'll come around any day now."

I turned to watch him leave the bathroom while exaggeratingly swaying his hips from side to side. I rolled my eyes. _He is the gayest straight man I have ever met. _

Jacob is my other best friend, and we'd practically known each other since the day we learned to walk. He'd always been there for me - through everything - and he even accepted me being gay. I'd always liked having Jacob around. He was easy to talk to, and we shared a lot of opinions. The only thing that had separated us a bit through the years was the fact that he was on the football team, and I, to say it mildly, had absolutely no interest in any kind of sports. So when Jacob wasn't hanging out with me he was either out with his football friends, eating or chasing girls. Bad luck with girls was something that had haunted him from the moment he began to show interest in them. He'd tried to get to Rosalie in seventh grade, but she didn't seem to return his feelings. At first it was a touchy subject for him to talk about, but now he'd gotten over himself, and it had become something every one often joked about.

I locked the door after Jacob left and went back to getting ready. I washed my face with ice cold water and brushed my teeth once more, just for the sake of it. I stared at myself in the mirror, feeling like a girl as I studied my skin for any blemishes or likely. I was fairly average height; neither skinny nor extremely ripped like Jacob. I had remarkable green eyes; sometimes the intenseness of the color even scared me whenever I caught myself in the reflection of a mirror. My cheekbones were quite discernible; my nose was straight and my lips only a little too thin. But what strangers usually used to identify me as "the guy with the bronze hair", was simply my pride; I made a big deal out of keeping my hair healthy. If people knew how much time I spend taking care of my hair, they would immediately suspect me to be gay.

After I was satisfied with the way I looked, I hopped into the shower and decided to make it a fast one today; I had no time to conjure up a fantasy and live it out, up in my head.

"Edward, I need to use the bathroom! I'm the girl, which automatically allows me to spend twice as much time out there compared to you." Rosalie whined. After hurrying out of the shower stall and wrapping a towel around my waist, I unlocked the door. God forbid someone get on the wrong side of Rosalie's mood at seven o'clock in the morning.

She hurried in; makeup bag in hand and eyes wide with expectation. Her eager movements turned clumsy as she unpacked all of her girly… stuff. "Are you sure you're gonna make it in time?"

"Stop stressing me. Go make breakfast," She demanded.

I snorted. She was warning me not to make her stressed when she already was grumpier than usual. "I'm not hungry."

"But I am! So go make me some breakfast!" She spun around and pouted her lip. "Please, Edward?"

"You're unbelievable," I chuckled as I made my way to the kitchen. It mystified me how she could make me do anything for her just by pouting her lip and batting her eyelashes at me.

On my way to the kitchen I spotted Jasper sprawled across the couch in the living room watching TV with a plate of sandwiches in his lap. That playful smirk was literally always dancing on his lips. Since we'd come to live in Seattle, he hadn't stopped going on and on about how wonderful it was to not be a freshman anymore. Something about that fact that he was a year older than Rose, Jake and I seemed to make him think he overpowered us.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him as I started regretting the decision I made that allowed Rose to give him a key to our place. I walked up and grabbed the plate from him. She would like these.

"I came to pick you little kiddies up. Don't wanna get lost on your first day now, do ya?" He smirked and managed to grab another sandwich before I managed to dodge him.

"You have so much faith in us," I grumbled and he laughed at me. Again.

**_E_**

The buildings of the University of Washington were overwhelming. The façade of the buildings were red and white with a million windows, and probably four stories tall. I kept close to Rosalie and Jacob, worried I would get lost if I let them out of sight for a single second. Jasper had run off as soon as a huge group of his friends were whistling and waving at him. I wasn't even surprised that he was popular here as well as in high school back in Forks. Rosalie had her chin lifted arrogantly, knowing she looked good in her first day outfit which she'd been discussing with me for the past two months. It was thought through to the tiniest details. Jacob on the other hand looked exactly like he did a year ago when his body had finished going through his 'man' transformation, except for the fact that he'd spread his arms out a little more. He probably thought it made him look more buff. It had the reversed effect though, but I wasn't going to tell him. Watching him make a fool of himself was way more fun.

"I have art class with Mr. Smith in the west building, which is this way," Rose said and pointed. Jasper must have tattooed instructions of how to find her way around this place to her brain, because I knew exactly how bad she was at following a map or even a GPS. "See you, boys."

Jacob glanced at me. "I'm lost, dude."

I grabbed the map from his hand, and tried to ignore the fact that we looked stupid as fuck as we stood there pointing at a map like tourists finding their way through Disney Land. "This way," I mumbled and walked in the direction of the north building.

_****__E_

_Tick_

_Tock_

_Tick _

_Tock_

The clock was haunting me as it stared back in my face.

Today was Thursday and the last day of my lectures this week. It was a relieving thought to know that my weekend started as soon as the clock struck two. My last class was psychology with Ms. Trupp. Disregarding the fact that her lipstick smudged onto her teeth and that she squeezed herself into a flowery tight dress almost every day, which really did nothing at all to improve her over all look, I liked her. As far as I knew she was single, and I could easily picture her as the weird old lady in the one bedroom apartment with five cats. But apart from all of that, she was surprisingly kind and friendly, which was more than you could say about the rest of the professors. The difference between high school teachers and college teachers was very obvious. They simply didn't care whether I took notes or fell asleep, or even if I showed up at all. The new found freedom was exhilarating.

I hadn't made a lot of new friends yet, but I'd never been an outgoing guy to begin with. I constantly feared people would notice something different about me; that I liked gushing about girly TV shows and fashion rather than watching a game with a beer in hand. But Rosalie had made a lot of acquaintances, and she'd always invited them out with us for lunch. I didn't remember a lot of their names, because I really hadn't found any of them very interesting.

But I did remember two guys named Brady and Emmett. Brady was clearly gay. Rosalie had looked intently at me while she introduced us to each other, as if she was trying to tell me something through mind telepathy. I brushed her off, because I certainly wasn't attracted to Brady. He wasn't my type, mostly because I wasn't attracted to guys more feminine than myself. Brady had curly dark hair with matching brown eyes and an attractive skin tone that almost looked like it glowed. He wasn't tall at all, and in the three times I'd seen him this week, I hadn't seen him in anything else but tight V-necks and jeans in various colors, but I liked it. He intrigued me – not because he was gay, but because there was something about him that made me eager to be in his company.

Emmett on the other hand was one of the biggest guys I had ever met. If I tried to, I was sure my arms wouldn't even reach around him. He had short dark hair and his eye color seemed to be different every day depending on the lighting, so I settled on hazel. He had one of those wonderful booming, yet soft, laughs, and I found him very funny. He wasn't egoistical in any way, and didn't have the need to be the center of attention 24/7, as certain other people did. He was fine with witty comments every now and then. But I didn't like Emmett nearly as much as Rose seemed to. She constantly smiled and beamed at him, unable to even consider taking her eyes off of him. I had never seen Rose so fascinated with any guy before, and I thought it was quite amusing. But the best part of it definitely was that Emmett seemed totally oblivious to how into him Rose was. It would be fun to watch Rosalie fight for his attention, because as far as I knew, this was the first time she didn't get exactly what she wanted the moment she set her eyes on it.

Jacob spend most of his time running after girls, saying something about the hot older university chicks being far more exciting to chase after, and definitely worth it. Though, from what he'd told me, he hadn't even gotten a single number. But after all this was only the first week, I was certain he would find a worthy girl before school ended this year. At least the rejections didn't bother him, and he was constantly out and chasing.

I rubbed my face roughly with my hands and looked up at the smartboard where Ms. Trupp was awkwardly drawing the left side of a brain. This class would end in ten minutes, and my body was aching to get up from this chair that I'd been sitting in for two hours. I counted the last minutes and immediately rose up when Ms. Trupp said, "Class dismissed" followed by a genuine smile, where most other teachers would've glared at us while we collected our stuff and left. I was about to leave the lecture hall when I felt a hand on my shoulder and nearly jumped at the physical contact from a stranger.

"Hey Edward," Brady grinned, when I turned around.

"Oh, hey, Brady," I smiled back nervously. I wasn't at all used to talking to other gay guys in a public place - was there some kind of code I was supposed to use? No, I was being stupid. But I still felt as if hanging around a gay guy will immediately classify me as gay as well. I could just imagine all eyes turning to look at me in surprise, and horror.

Brady, however, didn't notice my hesitation as we started walking along the flow of the students out of the hall. "Wanna go grab a coffee?"

"Sure," I smiled at the idea of being in the company of a new person for a change. Sure, I didn't like forcing myself onto people and making myself stand out at school, but that didn't mean that I would mind having a new friend that didn't mind me being shy.

We made our way off campus and around the block to the nearest coffee shop. Brady started to talk about the lecture we just had, and how it fascinated him. I was completely fine with him leading the conversation, and thankful that he noticed and accepted I wasn't a really chatty guy.

After he got his coffee and I'd ordered my favorite caramel latte with cream, we decided to sit at one of the tables that were set up on the side of the store. "So do you have any plans for the weekend? I'm assuming you don't have any classes on Friday…"

"Yeah, you're right, I don't. Tonight I'm probably gunna end up eating some ice cream and watch a movie by myself," I mumbled. "As for the rest of the weekend, I guess I don't really have concrete plans yet."

"Why are you all alone tonight?" he inquired.

"Because Jacob is going to a bar with Jasper and Rosalie has a night class," I shrugged. "That leaves me to myself."

"Why aren't you joining Jacob and Jasper?" Yeah, why don't you join the two horny guys going to a straight bar, Edward? I could sense that Brady knew exactly why, and I feared he was going to keep pushing the subject further than I was comfortable.

"I don't feel like going to a bar tonight."

"Oh really?" He smirked, raising an eyebrow.

I stayed quiet and started to fidget with my latte cup because this was starting to feel more like an interrogation than a friendly chat.

"Well then," He continued. "I'm kind of busy tonight, but if you could be free tomorrow night and join me somewhere, that would be cool…"

I figured spending a night with Brady would be interesting. He seemed rather enthusiastic and friendly, and I could already sense I would have fun with him. "Sure, that sounds great. What are we gonna do?"

"There's this place I like to go to every now and then. It's not far from here,"

"What kind of place?"

"Well, I guess you can call it a club." He winked.

A club. I wondered what kind of club he was referring to. I didn't even bother asking for more details about it, knowing exactly what kind of club Brady would invite me to. But I didn't reject his offer. I quickly made up my mind that it was time for me to explore the community that I was a part of. And truth be told, I was tired of taking care of my own cock with my own hand every morning in the shower.

**_E_**

With lube in one hand, a towel in the other, and a hard on in my pants, I raised the thermostat, and locked the door to my room. I stripped into nothing and walked over to my bed and settled in. I didn't even bother with turning on the porn because I knew it wouldn't help the slightest anyway. I just relaxed onto my back and poured the lube onto my hand to warm it up a bit. I closed my eyes as I started to stroke myself slowly, my hands remembering the routine that they go through at least once a week.

Not having porn to guide me did not bother me at all. I had a pretty vivid imagination. Today I decided to start thinking about that one fantasy that seemed to work every single time. I pictured Bradley Cooper naked and my cock twitched.

God, he's SO hot.

I conjured up the image of both of us naked standing in a hotel penthouse. There were panorama windows lined up across an entire wall and the curtains were drawn open to display the city of Paris. It was night time, the scene was romantically beautiful, and I could even see the twinkling lights of the Eiffel tower in the horizon. Suddenly though, as I watched the cars that looked like ants travel across the floor of the city, I felt Bradley walk up to me and press his body along my entire backside. His cock found and nestled into my ass crack perfectly and I sighed in content, leaning my head back onto his shoulder.

His lips sought out my ear and he whispered, "Do you want me to fuck you now, baby?"

There was a hint of roughness in his voice that excited me and I moaned a, "Yes, please," as he reached around my body to gently hold my cock.

I started to pick up the pace on my real dick as my eyes seemed to be glued together in desperation for keeping dream Bradley alive for as long as possible.

Suddenly I was being pushed forward and he pressed me into the glass wall. I gasped in surprise as he started to leave wet kisses across my shoulder blades. His hands let go of my hip and cock and I whimpered when his left hand kneaded my ass cheeks apart as he immediately entered two fingers into my tight hole.

I groaned at the sudden intrusion and moaned out loud while starting to thrust up into my own hand rapidly.

I'd been begging Bradley to fuck me but was still surprised when his cock began to outline my ass crack and linger on my hole as if it was his home. He began to push his way in. I rested my forehead on the cool glass as I loved the feeling of him filling me up. He continued to push his long piece into me without hesitance.

I lifted my ass completely off my bed and gently touched my asshole with the tip of my finger. I moaned at the thought of someone actually entering me and thought about the day when I could live out my fantasy in real life. Or something that was at least a tenth as good as this. I imagined myself being fucked forcefully against the windows that overlooked the entire city and started to feel my balls tightening against the base of my cock. I continued to tighten my hand and stroke roughly as I thrusted frantically.

"Ugh, more, Brad…"

"Yeah? You like that, baby?"

"Oh, fuck yeah!" He continued to pound into my from behind. If he hadn't had such a strong grasp on my body, I would have tumbled to the ground as my knees had long since stopped functioning. We moaned, groaned, and shouted each other's names as we came at the same time; his hand jerking me off onto the glass and my ass milking his long hard cock.

I started to push myself through my orgasm as I felt it nearing. The feeling had always surprised me. The complete moment of bliss was indescribable. My cock erupted and squirted all over my thighs, stomach, and duvet cover, even though I'd aimed for the towel.

I continued to stroke myself through my orgasm as I thought about being completely sated and spent after a long and hard fuck from a real lover. After five minutes of nothingness, my brain returned to life and I gently cleaned up my now softening dick and tried to brush off my jizz from the places that it had managed to fly to.

After throwing my towel with the pile of clothes I'd started earlier I put myself under the warm covers and cuddled with myself, knowing that sleep was going to take over any moment now.

My body seemed to sense the exact moment I needed to wake up to get ready for work. Sensing that the sun was shining brightly through the creases in my dark blue curtains, I managed to open my eyes to greet the world. When I finally gathered energy to get out of bed instead of brooding about my life, I made breakfast for myself. Jacob had a class this morning and Rosalie was out investigating the shopping malls with her new girlfriends. I had the apartment to myself, and I made sure to enjoy the silence and peace to its fullest. Not that I didn't like living with them, but I also liked to be alone every once in a while. Yeah, people may call me lame, but isolating myself from the world for a few hours every week seemed to help me coping with life.

After having a hurried breakfast, I took a shower with plenty of time on the clock and made sure to wash ever part of my body thoroughly. I dried myself, and threw on my uniform. The weather was warm considering the fact that we were in mid-September already, but I guess I shouldn't have been complaining because the weather back home in Forks wasn't that much better.

I grabbed my wallet, keys, phone, left the apartment and decided to walk the few blocks that I need to get to Starbucks; I needed to do more investigation to the city that was now my home. Even though Rose, Jacob and I had lived in our apartment for a month now, the city was so big that we still hadn't gotten accustomed to it. It was almost ten in the morning, not yet time for lunch, so the streets were fairly calm and I managed to stay in peace until I reached the nearest Starbucks to my apartment.

As soon as I came to Seattle, I'd gone out and applied for many side jobs that I needed to keep up with the rent I shared with my two best friends. Two weeks later, Starbucks hired me and since then I'd been spoiling myself with coffee and sugar filled treats to pass my time.

I walked in through the back door and started making myself my favorite cinnamon latte.

Just then, Jessica walked in and smiled as she noticed me. Crap.

"Hey, Edward, we missed you last week,"

"Yea, I uh, had some personal business to attend to," honestly I was just feeling down that day and just called in sick.

"That's too bad, I hope everything is okay?"

"Yup, perfect. Thanks,"

She smiled and walked up to me to give me an unexpected hug. I awkwardly patted her back with one hand.

"You know I'm always here right, if you _ever _need anything,"

"Yeap, I know. Seriously, thanks."

She smiled wickedly and as she turned she lightly grazed my crotch with the back of her hand. I cowered back into the counter and took deep breaths. She walked back out to the front and I continued my work.

Something about this girl was so weird. She wasn't just the occasional flirty chick that seemed to annoy you, rather a mysterious human that I could never understand. Her eyes were big and blue, a nice contrast to her black hair and brows and the freckles on her nose and cheeks, and the image of her creepy smile was suspiciously stuck in my head. She seemed unusual. And for me, a gay man, to notice this, says something about her atypical aura.

The store seemed to be exceptionally busy today so I just stuck around the back storage area, organizing random boxes, as I waited for my shift to end. Just when I seemed to be getting lost in my own thoughts, my phone rang and I went to pick it up without even looking at the caller ID. Very few people called me anyways.

"Hello,"

"Hey Eddie," Jacob answered. It must have been after two in the afternoon because that's was when his lecture ended.

"Hi," He said, I could hear the heavy traffic through my phone and guessed he was doing something outdoors.

"Where are you?"

"On my way to the apartment," He answered. "You're not home?"

"No, I'm working, remember,"

"Stay there, I'll be right over." He hung up before I got my chance to protest.

Since my shift also ended at two, I started to clean up the area as much as I could and gathered my things. I waited in the front at a table where Jacob and I liked to sit and watch people through the large windows.

The next few hours seemed to go by in a haze. Jacob and I talked for a long time at Starbucks, longer than I thought we would. By the time we decided to get up and leave, it was already dinner time, and I knew Brady would be knocking on our door in about two hours, to pick me up like we planned. I told Jacob about my plans for the night and it seemed that after I told him, he couldn't stop smiling and smirking at me. "May be this Brady guy will help you grow some balls," He'd chuckled while patting me on the back, clearly implying that he thought it was time for me to get out of the closet. He might be right.

Jacob himself seemed to have changed these past few weeks we'd lived in Seattle - enough for me to notice. He was glowing and I suspected it to be the drastic change of location. Though I knew he liked to live in Forks, near his dad and the reservation he grew up in, I also knew he was yearning for a change, and Seattle seemed to be perfect for him. I was a bit disappointed that I didn't possess the glow in my eyes myself, but it only confirmed my suspicions; I would've rather stayed in Forks. But it was definitely an uplifting thought that I was going to spend my evening with Brady.

Normally I would be extremely negative about the thought of going to a club or a bar with some guy completely aware of what he thought was the mutual agenda; chasing girls. I would usually end up reluctantly leaving the bar with a girl under my arm to please the guy I'd gone with, so he also could leave the bar with a girl, without feeling bad for leaving me behind. When a girl and I would have made our way outside, I'd reject her rudely – a couple of times girls had even slapped me for leading them on. But the difference between that and what was going to happen tonight was huge. Although Brady hadn't directly said it was a gay club, I think it was safe to think so, considering he mentioned it was one of his favorite places to go. I wasn't disappointed that he left me clueless, I might even had a chance to expand my experience, which would be easy, because my experience in any kind of sexual contact with another guy – even just a kiss – was so pathetic and depressing, it made me want to jump off of the nearest bridge.

When Jacob and I got home, Rosalie was feverishly brushing her hair and complaining about how it wouldn't stay the way she wanted it to. I offered her my help, while Jacob warmed some lasagna I'd made yesterday, and she finally gave in. She was satisfied when I'd spent fifteen minutes combing and styling it with all kinds of products until it was how she wanted it.

She twirled in front of the mirror and smiled brightly at her own appearance. Girls. "Oh Edward, what would I do without you! You're a lifesaver,"

I chuckled. "No problem."

"Not really. It was a huge problem!" She grinned. The frustration that seemed to be tormenting her before was completely gone and she sparkled with happiness. I was really praying this Emmett guy wouldn't disappoint her. "So what are you doing tonight?"

"Going to a club with Brady," I muttered, unable to smile a little while saying it.

"Brady?" She squealed, raising her eyebrows. "You're spending the night with Brady?"

"Yea, I just said that!"

She ignored my bitter reply, and her smile turned wider. "Do you like him?"

"No! Rose, no! He's not my type," I defended. "He's just a friend."

"Okay, well maybe he has some more interesting friends…" I could easily sense by the tone of her voice that she wasn't even expecting me to come home tonight. Jeez, she was getting way ahead of herself.

"Maybe,"

"I wonder what kind of club it is," She giggled.

"Me too,"

Someone knocked the on door and Rosalie practically sprang up from the sofa, grabbing her purse, her keys and her nicest jacket. She'd really gone all in. She pecked my cheek and shortly hugged Jacob, before she disappeared through the door shouting "Bye guys!" on her way out.

I went to change my outfit and make myself ready, since Brady would show up within the next thirty minutes.

"I like the grey jeans," Jacob said teasingly.

"Get out," I mumbled, as I stripped down to my underwear. I hadn't even noticed he'd followed me. But I wasn't surprised. This was one of the first time he'd ever had the chance to tease me about going out to actually get somewhat laid.

"Oh, you wanna do this in the bathroom instead?" He laughed.

"You're so gay, Jake," I said. "Are you sure you're not just pretending to be rejected by all these girls?"

He grinned. "Well, actually, I met a girl last night and she's coming over later. It's the perfect opportunity since all of you are out."

"Really…?" I chuckled, having a hard time believing what he'd just told me. But I drew out the word in exaggeration.

"Fuck you, Edward,"

"You made your intentions pretty clear, Jake, no need to refresh them."

He snorted and left my room, which finally gave me some peace to consider what to wear. I wasn't flamboyantly gay, obviously since I wasn't even out yet. But this was a gay club, and I could be as obvious as I wanted to, but I'd known all along that it wasn't really me, so I chose something I would've chosen on a normal night out.

Brady on the other hand surprised me as I opened the door and let him in. He was wearing an eye catching pink shirt with images of red lips, of all different size, printed on the front, and a pair of the skinniest jeans I'd ever seen. He already had a small physique, so I wondered where he'd even gotten such small jeans. From a kids' clothing store may be? But he still looked pretty good – if his twink-like appearance had been my type, I'd definitely be interested. I was forced to admit that the pink color against that gorgeous honey colored skin of his looked absolutely amazing. I was sort of jealous.

"Hey, beautiful," Brady grinned and pulled me in for an unexpected hug.

I blushed involuntarily. "Hi, Brady,"

"Are you ready to go?"

"Absolutely," a real smile played across my face as I turned to Jacob. "Will you be ok?"

"I'm not a baby, Edward. Go have fun with your friend." He seemed to be very busy with some soccer game that was on TV.

"Well, good luck with that girl then."

"Thanks, and have fun tonight." He said and Brady and I exited the apartment, closing the door behind us.

When we'd gotten downstairs to the busy evening street, Brady mentioned that the club wasn't far from here, and that we could make it in around fifteen minutes if we walked. I didn't even notice how many streets we traveled because Brady was very entertaining throughout the entire walk. He babbled about some guy he'd apparently friend zoned without noticing. He also told me about how he came out at a very young age and that his parents were totally cool with him being gay. He didn't have any siblings and had lived his entire life in New York. He enjoyed watching shows on Broadway and shopping for all sorts of different styles, which was something his mom had always loved to do with him.

Again, I was jealous of him. I wished my parents weren't as conservative as they were, and that I could easily tell them about my sexuality and not be fearful of their reactions. He didn't ask once about me being gay, and didn't even come near the topic. Neither did he ask if I had any past relationships or how my parents were feeling about homosexuals. It was comforting, and I sensed it took a lot of effort for him to keep his obvious curiosity down. I appreciated it more than he could imagine, because I really wasn't ready yet to share all my thoughts and experiences as a gay closeted guy.

The sign above the door for the club was in neon yellow that said "Rumours" and I spotted it when we were about a block away. The outside walls were black and the entrance was a big white door. Brady silently handed me a fake ID, grabbed my hand, and walked towards the entrance. The bouncer looked at us for a few seconds and nodded once to let us know we were good to go inside.

Once inside, I felt like I'd entered a completely different world. The music was booming and people were dancing all over the place, being as far away from the dance floor as possible did not seem to stop them from jumping up and down with the music. I didn't necessarily feel uncomfortable, but I didn't feel as if I was completely in my element either. I anxiously looked over at Brady, and he smiled brightly at me, his teeth gleaming in the reflection of the strobe lights. It was a crowded place, and I scanned the crowd through quickly, noticing a lot of leather clad men. It was a pretty large place, obviously popular. The beat of the music was fast and it would take a little while for my ears to get used to how loud it was, especially combined with the endless chatter and laughter of two hundred people. The ambience of the place had a dim atmosphere, but I could still see the silhouettes moving or dancing here and there, and if you got close enough, even facial expressions. The bar took the most of the space in the club, where a massive amount of people were fighting for a seat at a bar stool or even just space enough to flirt with the bartender.

I forced myself to relax because I knew Brady had brought me here to have fun, not be a sore burden. This was a gay club, the kind of place where people like me went. Why couldn't I enjoy it? It was a place where I could be myself I not worry about who knew about me and who didn't, because we were all the same.

Brady was eagerly pushing us through, aiming for a booth he'd set his eyes on close to both the dance floor and the bar. He laughed loudly when he felt my hand tighten around his, when I noticed the appraising glances I got as we passed through the crowd. When we reached the table I started to notice the three guys hovering at it. They must be Brady's friends.

"Hello my lovelies," He purred, confirming my suspicion.

"Hey babe," A blonde one replied, apparently on the behalf of all of them. "Who's this gorgeous one you brought with you?"

"This is my new friend, Edward," Brady looked up at me, smirking as he noticed my cheeks reddening.

"Hello Edward, nice to meet you," The blonde one smiled. "I'm Riley. This is Tyler and Mike." Tyler had very short dark hair and dark skin, while Mike had extremely blue eyes, light skin and light brown hair. None of them interested me the slightest. Not even Riley, who was already trying to get my attention by winking and twirling his hair as he spoke.

"Hey," I replied and smiled politely. Riley scooted down the bench and made room for me. I carefully sat down, eyeing Brady all the while. He smiled reassuringly at me and grabbed my hand again, stroking my palm in circles, and sitting on the other side of me. He knew this was a lot for me to take in.

The guys were easy to talk to, and I opened up after a little while, enjoying the feeling of letting go of my fears. Riley offered to buy me a drink, and since I didn't have the guts to say no, because I was afraid of sending the wrong signals, I accepted his request.

Brady leaned in to whisper in my ear, when Riley left to get our drinks. "Don't worry, honey. Riley just likes to make the new ones feel welcome. Nobody's gunna force you to anything."

I flashed him a smile, and assured him I was completely at ease. Riley came back quickly with the colorful drinks.

"Guess who I just saw!" He gushed as he was close enough for us to hear.

"Brad Pitt?" Tyler suggested sarcastically.

Riley ignored the comment. "Embry fucking Call!"

"Really?" Brady said, surprise coloring his voice. "He didn't tell me he'd be here tonight!"

"Whatever, he's welcome any fucking time," Riley swooned a little bit and the other guys nodded in agreement. It made me extremely curious as to whom this guy was, but they didn't linger at the subject of the mysterious Embry Call for long – at any subject at all, really.

Brady wasn't able to sit still in his seat for more than five minutes. He kept mentioning that he wanted to dance, and it seemed he usually got his way with people. When everybody else suggested that he go dancing with me, because I was the new guy, I groaned in my head and prayed to be back at home where I was most comfortable. I tried to pull my hand away multiple times, but for a little guy he was quite strong. He got me pulled half-way to the dance floor, when suddenly he froze when he noticed something behind me. His expression suddenly turned excited and I arched an eyebrow in wonder. I glanced over my shoulder only to spot a tall guy with a broad chest and quite big arms walking up to us. I immediately froze in my spot, though I had no idea why.

"Uhm..." I looked back at Brady, displaying confusion on my face because I was at a loss of words.

"Oh. My. God. Edward, you have to meet him! He's about the damn hottest thing that ever walked into this club." He reached over in attempt to sooth my hair down but I rolled my eyes because I knew nothing was going to help that mess that's called my hair. Brady huffed in defeat and said, "Whatever, it looks sexy that way anyways."

I turned my head, confused as ever, as this mysterious guy walked up to us and greeted Brady with a peck on the lips. "Hey, beautiful," he smiled down at him briefly then turned to smile at me, "Are you gunna introduce me to this beauty you've found?"

Seeing the guy up closer like this allowed me to finally make out the features of his beautiful face. He had high cheekbones, a wide smile, the sexiest, fullest lips I had ever seen, and deep brown eyes. His hair was cut short, but still long enough to pull in. I felt my jaw fall, but I quickly snapped it shut, when I realized how stupid I must have looked.

The blush that had seemed to sneak its way upon my cheeks suddenly flamed up, no matter how hard I tried to make it leave.

"Edward, this is my best friend, Embry. Embry, this is Edward, I met him at school." Brady beamed in satisfaction as he introduced us and I wondered if he had planned this from before. I put those weird thoughts to the back of my head as I smiled and shook Embry's outstretched hand.

"Very nice to meet you, Edward," he grinned and shook my hand slowly and held onto it for longer than usual. He had quite big hands, surprisingly warm.

"Edward is a psychology geek, kind of like you. I mean seriously, I have never seen someone talk so excitedly and animatedly about the human brain!"

"Oh really, that seems interesting," Embry looked at me for reassurance.

"Nah, it's pretty geeky, like Brady said."

"No, it's not geeky at all. I myself have taken two or three psychology related courses over the years; I'm studying to be a lawyer." He said.

Brady decided that the dancing could wait and he managed to grab us a table so we could all sit down and get to know each other. As Embry, Brady and I continued to talk, I became more and more comfortable with being myself. I wasn't afraid of letting out the inner gay me, seeing as Embry seemed to have guessed that about me already. Plus, I had a strong feeling that Brady wasn't the type of guy to go start a rumor at school that would reveal my sexual preferences to the entire campus.

I watched them as they controlled most of the conversation and pondered why my heart was still racing so fast. I had been attracted to a guy occasionally since I had come out to myself two years ago. But this guy simply took my breath away. His perfectly carved out face was beautiful when he smiled and laughed, carefree and horribly innocent. I wondered if I'd ever allow myself to fall for a guy when I was still in the closet. Isn't that kind of like cheating on them? Like, you're with them in bed, but outside in the real world, you pretend to be someone else?

I didn't like those thoughts. But the thought of being with Embry still intrigued me and I couldn't stop thinking about the last time I had a sort of relationship with a guy. But then again, James was also in the closet so it was a win/win situation for both of us.

For a while, Brady and Embry seemed to be perfectly content with simply participating in light conversation with me. While we talked, my eyes wandered aimlessly scanning the crowds of unfamiliar bodies that were very closely packed into a dancing mop, all in different stages of undress. I kind of admired every single person in this room because of what they were doing. Sure, they were simply dancing in a club, but that meant that each and every single one of them had gone through some sort of self-realization and acceptance of themselves. Most of them may have been completely out of the closet, and the large number of people gathered from one city in one gay club amazed me.

"Hey sugar, where'd ya zone off to?" I looked back to Embry who had been trying to get my attention for a few seconds.

"Oh, sorry, just fascinated by this crowd… I've never… uh, been… to a club before," I shrugged feebly in embarrassment and looked down.

"Hey, you got nothing to be embarrassed of," he picked up my chin with his forefinger and I looked up into his deep brown eyes. I'd never met someone as intriguing as this guy.

I smiled in gratitude at his kindness and steered the conversation away from me, "So tell me guys, what's going on between you two? You seem pretty… close." I smiled, remembering their kiss in the beginning of the night.

Brady started to giggle and Embry smiled down at him. "Okay, okay! Let me tell him," Brady giggled some more, then proceeded, "You see, Embry has a thing for twinks," Embry huffed but smirked at the same time, "We met right in this very bar, as a matter of fact; exactly a year ago. I was dancing over there with one of my guy friends, minding my own business, when this pretty hunk over here comes over and wraps himself around my body. Of course, I'm not surprised, this had happened quite a few times before. But then he started talking and he admitted that he'd been stalking me for a month!"

"I did not! I was just admiring your beauty from afar. And what am I supposed to do when I knew you come here every Friday?" Embry chuckled and I saw Brady roll his eyes

"Well, I'd managed to hold him back for about two weeks, before he had pressed all my buttons and I exploded. I mean, you try and resist this hot piece of sex on legs, and see what happens!"

I laughed along with the two of them but emphasized, "Exploded?"

This time Embry replied, "He dragged me to the back room in and blew me like the best I'd ever gotten! Think I came in about two seconds too."

Brady giggled and twirled his hair. "Then I took him home and fucked him till the next day. It was pretty fucking hot, if you ask me." He leaned forward as if to tell me a secret and whispered loudly enough for Embry to hear, "He even took my virginity!" he started giggling some more and Embry chuckled and rubbed his back lovingly.

I looked in amazement at two people who had blindly put trust in each other and gotten a great magical outcome. "So what happened to make you guys become best friends?"

"Well, we fucked for about a third of the year. I was burning off some pent up energy, if you know what I'm talking about," Brady winked, and continued, "But eventually we figured out that we definitely loved each other but only as friends. I mean the sex was great but, we didn't have that connection that you would have with a lover. You know? We've been living our lives freely, and at the same time stayed as the best of friends ever since then."

We stopped talking for a couple of minutes to sip on our drinks, them thinking about old times, and me wondering what it felt like to have a lover. I'd always thought of myself as growing up and finding the perfect dream man; losing my virginity in a romantic setting and making love to him every night after that. But now I wondered if there really _was_ such simple life out there.

Because Embry and Brady started arguing about who was to blame from them ending their 'relationship', I was able to space out and focus on the people that surrounded us.

One moment I was wondering how it felt to wear such leather pants, and the other my heart had leapt to my stomach at the sight of someone entering the front door to the club. Fuck. I should have been more careful. I should have thought about the possibility of seeing _Jasper _in a gay bar. I didn't trust that guy one bit. What if he told everybody?

Fuck. My. Life.


	2. Chapter 2

**WARNING**: If you are under the age of 18, you are advised to please leave this page now. This story has course language, adult material and graphic themes.

**DISCLAIMER**: If you hadn't noticed, most characters belong to SM, we just play around with them for our own, and people's, entertainment.

**A/N:** We promised some readers that we'd be able to update every Tuesday, but unfortunately that won't be possible for us. Instead it will be every other Tuesday! And to those of you who have reviewed, favorited and put this story on alert, thank you so much!

* * *

**Jasper**

**2. Challenge**

_I stood in front of the Volturi; proud stance and wide shoulders. I was naked and cupping my balls with both my hands. But other than that we seemed to be having a pretty decent conversation. The three of them were sitting there, on their magnificent thrones, discussing who would be first to have my dick for breakfast on this fine, bright morning. I smirked as I watched them rant back and forth. They were arguing over MY cock. I was the best one they'd ever had so, of course they kept asking me to come back for more. And it didn't bother me in the slightest. Mind you, I liked having my cock sucked. However, I got bored of their continuous repeated banter and finally spoke up, mentioning my blue balls. They snapped their fingers and with a poof, a naked girl was in front of me on her knees. She took my hands and placed them on her head, going in for the kill._

Oh fuck. I had to admit, these reoccurring, creepy, pedophile, fetish, Volturi dreams were starting to get tedious; I knew I shouldn't have agreed to read that damned saga. But I had to admit, there were as many hot new girls as there are numbers in the numerical system. And they gave pretty decent dream-head.

_Fuck, that feels good._

I guess I wasn't a hundred percent dreaming then. Someone really _was_ down there. I rubbed my face and lifted my head to see Seth's beautiful, long silky black hair, fucked up from last night, fall around his shoulders and over my hips. "Oh fuck yeah, baby. Just like that."

I reached down to move his hair away and see my cock sheathed in his mouth. I could feel the muscles in his mouth tense as if he wanted to smile. He moaned around me, satisfied that I was finally awake, and started sucking harder than before. I moaned in satisfaction and leaned back into the pillows to savour the moment.

Seth continued with his weekly ritual of waking me up with a fuck hot session to sexually awaken me from my slumber. Usually I preferred it when he was naked as well and curled up to rub his ass against me, but a blow job was also more than I can ask for, and it always sent me to heaven.

I let out a loud, throaty moan as Seth started to deep throat me. He could do that shit like no one else I had ever met. He groaned as he took me to the hilt and I held his head to me tightly, afraid that I was going to come too soon.

Seth lifted his head and let my now completely stiff rod slip out of his mouth. It smacked down onto my lower abdomen and immediately missed his touch. I raised my head to complain about the lack of touch when I immediately felt him dive back down to lap at my sac. "Fuck, Seth! Argh… feels so good baby… oh fuck yeah, please…"

He took one of my balls completely into his mouth and sucked on it. I couldn't hold myself up anymore and my speech was started to become incomprehensible. I whimpered into the air as he abruptly took my throbbing cock back into his beautiful mouth and my hands immediately ran down to help guide him.

"Baby… please, _please_! Seth- UNGFH yeah– I need… yeah, just like that… FUCK SETTHH,"I drawled out his name as my orgasm made an appearance and stars danced around the back of my eyes lids. I felt him continue to suck the living shit out of me and drink down my juice greedily. Fuck. That was way too good.

I don't know how long I was in heaven, but a while later I felt Seth let my softening piece from his mouth and gently started licking the leftover spunk from my foreskin. I still didn't have any energy in me to move so I waited for him to finish with his preferred breakfast and climb up my body. As soon as he was within my reach, I caught his lips with my own in greeting. I tasted my strong sweet taste mixed with him and we moaned into each other.

"Thank you, and good morning,"

"Good morning," he replied with a peck on the lips. "And you don't have to thank me. If your screams in your dream were anything to go by, you really needed it."

I chuckled and rolled us over so I could kiss him with more passion and take care of him. We laid there for a few minutes, kissing and gently groping each other, until I finally came down from my high. I started to gradually increase my stroking on his beautiful cock but he chuckled and stopped my hand. "That's okay Jasper; I already handled myself earlier in the shower. Today was just about you,"

"Are you sure? Because I'm feeling kind of hungry right now…" I grinned down at him suggestively.

"I'm sure. Now come on, we have to start our day; it's already way past noon."

"Hmm," I rolled off of him and we both made our way to the washroom that was attached to my room. "But don't think I'll forget about this too easily!" I slapped his ass as he walked ahead of me to start another much needed shower for the both of us.

"Oh, I hope you don't,"

I smiled down at my little devil. I would never be able to function without knowing that he would always be there for me at the end of every day, no matter what.

Seth and I had met each other the first day of our freshmen year. The moment my eyes wandered over to him in a math lecture, I'd been instantly attracted to him. I'd usually see him three times a week and I found myself watching him from across the room quite often. At first I had been confused at the fact that I was spending so much time thinking about a _guy._ But over the following couple of weeks I becamequite mystified with the whole idea of having gay sex. And since I'd never been picky and always been open for new things, I'd thought "Why not?" and went to introduce myself when a lecture had ended, three weeks since I laid eyes on him.

I clearly remembered his expression as I used my usual lines for times when I approached girls. He'd blushed but brushed me off, which at first had made me wonder if he wasn't into guys after all, as I had suspected. But of course, the rejection only spurred me on even more, and I targeted him every day. Let's just say, Whitlocks are very stubborn creatures. So the next day I continued to come at him with personalized pick-up lines, and after a few weeks of shameless flirting, he'd agreed to go out with me. I'd been thrilled and excited, even surprised at my own strong reaction to the idea of dating a guy. I wondered why I'd never thought of it before. Why I hadn't ever been so attracted to a guy before Seth. But seeing Seth and the way his jeans hugged his ass made me extremely curious.

At our first date I'd been as straight forward with honesty as I possibly could. I told him I'd never done anything with a guy, that I'd always considered myself straight and that I was just looking for someone to experiment with. I'd avoided mentioning that the only reason that I became curious was because of _him, _because I didn't want to lose something I hadn't even won yet. I hadn't scared him off though, he said it was flattering that I wanted to experiment with him, and that he thought I was pretty sexy too.

So, needless to say, we'd gone back to my apartment after we'd finished our coffee, and stripped each other down. The first time I'd touched a man's body was still engraved in my brain, and it was about the damn hottest thing that had ever happened to me. We'd dated for a while and eventually we began to spend our time together every day, until a day came where we'd agreed to make it official that we were a couple. I'd brought him home for the Christmas holiday and introduced him to my family. They'd all handled the surprise just fine, considering I had surprised them all by bringing him home without telling anyone but Rose about my change in sexual preferences.

Honestly, the only thing that made me dare bring a boy home was the way I'd been raised – to be fearless – and I also knew exactly how awesome and accepting my family was about most things.

When we'd gotten home from Christmas however, I started noticing the way I felt about not being around girls as much as before. One day I'd spotted a gorgeous girl dancing at the local club, and I immediately felt my insides turn and my dick suggested that I go talk to her. This had confused me more than anything else, and I came to realize that there was a possibility that I was not a hundred percent gay.

Seth and I seemed to emotionally drift apart after that. One night, as I'd pondered my situation, I'd realized that Seth and I weren't meant to be together in the long run. Since I'd never been the kind of guy to hide my feelings, I called him the next day and I laid out all my feelings and thoughts about our relationship. Surprisingly, he felt that same way – neither of us were ready to permanently settle down yet. We'd agreed to stay friends since we weren't ready to let each other go.

A week after we broke up, I found myself on my knees in an empty classroom, literally sucking his orgasm through his pretty cock. I'd missed it too much.

It seemed we couldn't keep our hands to ourselves; our lust for each other was simply too strong to forget. Now, six months later, our relationship ended up being one of friends with benefits, and nothing suited us better. As soon as our freshman year ended, we got the brilliant idea to rent an apartment together, which now meant I woke up to a nice blowjob from his soft mouth every now and then.

It was very simple and easy actually. I loved him like a best friend and protected him like he was my little brother. I knew him and the way his brain worked as if he were my twin, and occasionally fucked him like the best he'd ever had. It was the perfect relationship for a nineteen year old, really.

_**J**_

An hour after we'd finished fooling around in the shower, cleaned up, gotten dressed and ready for another fantastic Friday of my life, I was staring at the clock that read 12:45, wondering what I was going to do with my day. Seth had gone to work about an hour ago, and wouldn't be back to entertain me any time soon. I decided to hit the gym, even though it was Friday, and I usually saved the gym for the middle of the week. I ended up staying there for longer than I usually would, but I knew I'd been lacking in that department lately, and the extra time taken to awaken my muscles was definitely needed.

Afterwards, I hit my favorite Starbucks and while drinking a coffee by myself, I earned a few numbers from some beautiful ladies. I picked Seth up from work and took him out for dinner since it was a long time since we'd hung out alone without having sex. It was earlier than expected when we left the restaurant, and I felt disturbed by the idea that I had no idea what I was going to do in my next six hours on a Friday night. It wasn't usually like me to have 'free time' over the weekend. I needed something to do. Somebody to annoy, may be…

Seth just laughed at my dilemma and offered for us to go visit Rosalie's apartment to see if someone was willing to hang with us.

I had never been extremely close with Rosalie's two best friends; Edward and Jacob. Sometimes I would go out and get drunk with Jacob and look for good fucks, but never really more than that. The problem with him was that he was a fairly easy going guy. Jacob didn't enjoy discussions and arguments half as much as I did, and seemed to agree with everything I said. Kind of like the hoard of people that seemed to worship me at the university and back in high school. But the only difference was that Jacob didn't give two shits if I liked him or not, which made me keep coming back for his company. It fascinated me how someone could love hanging out with me so much, yet not be dependant of me at all.

Edward on the other hand was a way more interesting and complicated character. He always seemed to be rejecting me from his life, no matter what I did. I noticed over the years that he only tolerated hanging out with me if either Rosalie or Jacob were there too. And even on those times he's rather reluctant to acknowledge my existence. On the rare few occasions we would be forced to spend time alone, he would completely shut me off. I usually end up babbling away about various things that had no meaning, and he'd show absolutely no interest.

But I noted that he was a very shy guy, and I detected something secretive about his personality, but I could never put a finger on it. It seemed that the closer I got to knowing him, the further I got from knowing his secret.

Completely the opposite of me, Edward was not the type of guy to indulge in tedious small talk, and witty language. Although, I was quite sure that if I began a discussion with him about a psychological issue regarding the human brain, he'd open up to me and never shut up again. Disregarding his general hatred towards me, his sarcastic humour appeared to fit my own quite nicely. But since we'd never made it a habit to spend quality time together, or had any sort of third wheel to prey on together, the satisfaction that we had something in common was trivial compared to the many things that were different between us.

Even so, Edward's mysterious charisma meant that I never lost interest in him. I constantly found myself trying to figure him out, and doing so through teasing him and mocking him to ignite a reaction. I believed that if I annoyed him enough times, he would at some point explode and come out with whatever he obviously didn't want to share with anyone. My curiosity perhaps took overhand sometimes, but I _really_ wanted to know.

_**J**_

By the time Seth and I had made our way home, changed into some night-loving clothes and walked the short distance back to the apartment I frequented to much, it was already past eight and I was getting giddy with the need to find entertainment.

I paused outside of their door for moment and noticed it was rather quiet inside. I wondered if they'd already gone out, but I could hear the murmur that could be of a TV, so there was definitely _someone _home. I quietly opened the door with my key and made a show of slamming it open and bursting through, not caring to knock. I spotted Jacob jump up on his feet, from his comfortable position from the couch, and reach for his heart in surprise.

"Fuck, Jasper! Do you have to do that every time?"

I laughed at him but ignored what he said, going straight to the point. "What are you doing tonight?"

He shook his head at me, still looking shaken from the jolt I'd caused. I chuckled again and Seth joined in this time, both of us earning a glare from Jacob. After Jacob collected his thoughts, he said, "I have a girl coming over, so you better fucking leave before she shows up."

"Afraid I'll seduce her before she gets a chance to even look at you?" I grinned.

"No, I'm afraid you'll scare her off,"

I snorted. "So how about Rose?"

"She's on her date." Jacob, knowing there was no more apparent danger, sat back on the couch and started flipping through the channels again.

"A date?" I couldn't help but sound doubtful, surprised and a little protective.

"You didn't know?" Seth asked, a smile playing in the corners of his mouth.

"Know what?"

"She's on a date with Emmett, Honey,"

My eyes automatically widened in surprise as it was Jacob's turn to laugh now. But I wasn't going to let obliviousness ruin my night, and definitely not the over protective mode I got in whenever I thought about Rosalie, _my baby sister,_ with a guy.

Ever since Rosalie moved to Seattle, I'd been feeling the need to be protective over her. During our previous years in high school, when we were all kids and weren't sex freaks yet, I'd found it easy to keep control over a sixteen year old Rose. Then I moved to Seattle for a year as she finished her last year in high school and, although we kept in close touch, we weren't as close as before and I knew she'd gone out with a few more boys than she had in the eleventh grade.

Now though, she was an independent woman and she wasn't living with our mom and dad anymore. She was living with me in my city and that immediately positioned me as her protector. I just knew that if anything happened to her, I'd never forgive myself.

However, I tried not to let myself get too carried away because I had known Emmett for a long time, and knew he was a somewhat decent guy. I'd been pretty close friends with him since I started university, but I wasn't sure if he was good enough for my sister and favourite person in the entire fucking world. Then again, I took her words for it and reassured myself that no guy would ever deserve to be with her, according to my standards.

I wiped the unwelcome expressions off my face and tried a different approach with Jacob. "Where's Edward then?"

Jacob seemed to think about it for too long. "At some club," he muttered.

"A club? _Edward_ is at a _club_?" I said. The new information was enough to distract me from whatever concerns with Rosalie's activities for the night I had. "Who the fuck was able to drag him out from under his rock?"

"Some dude I don't know,"

"What did he look like?"

"I don't fucking know, Jasper! Why do you care anyway? Pride issues? Just because he doesn't go out with you, doesn't mean he doesn't go out at all."

I ignored his comment and grabbed Seth's hand to pull him along. "Have fun with your girl, Jacob." I snorted.

It was already remarkably darker when we made it back out into the open streets. Every day was a step closer to winter and it was getting awfully cold. I felt Seth's body shiver as we walked with no destination, so I put my arm around him and shortened the distance between us. "So, it looks like it's just you and I tonight, sugar. What do you think we should do?"

"It's been a while since we were at _Rumours_, don't you think?"

"Hmm, you're right," I mumbled. "But let's go get my car; it'll be too cold for us to walk home."

_**J**_

_Rumours._

The most populated gay club in Seattle.

The music was blaring into my ears and half naked bodies moved all around the large room, not even taking into account the dance floor. My heart started beating with the rhythm of the music and I felt an energetic vibe start to build from deep within me.

Seth let go of my hand as we walked through the door so it wouldn't look like we were a couple and unavailable. I scrutinized the crowd as I pushed my way through it, looking for familiar faces because I knew Seth wouldn't keep me company tonight, considering his hyped up mood.

A large range of ages of boys, twinks, hunks, and buffs were scattered all around the place. Some were clothed and appeared to be having decent conversations, while some where topless, touching and groping shamelessly. This was the kind of place where people who didn't necessarily want to end up with a fuck buddy for the night could come and relax. The people who came here were regulars, and all knew each other. The club generally embraced new comers with open loving, gay arms. This was where Seth had taught me the art of picking up strangers.

As great as a place it was though, it wasn't really my place to shine. The fake friendly chit chat talks got to my head when most of the time I liked to simply look for a twink who knew exactly what I was looking for.

I glanced back to where my favorite twink had been standing near me, but realized he was already out on the dance floor drinking in the immediate attention he attracted.

I had a feeling I would be staying here for the entire night, with plenty of time to dance and flirt, so I wasn't in a hurry in getting to the dance floor and exhausting my renowned energy. I noticed one of Seth's old tricks, Brady, with his usual group of friends sitting at their also very usual table. He was here every single Friday, and I'd talked to his group a few times before. Since he was the only one I recognized immediately, and no one else in the room seemed to spark any flattering attention, I aimed for his table. I noticed a sixth member among them, but I couldn't tell what he looked like because it was too dark, and I was too far away.

"Hey Brady," I smiled as I approached them.

"Oh! Hey, Jasper! Long time no see,"

"Yeah, well, you know munchkins aren't really my type," I winked and ruffled his hair.

He huffed, flicked his hair dramatically and pretended to be offended. Suddenly his eyes brightened and he leaned around me in search for someone, "Where's Seth? Did you bring him?"

"Dance floor," I laughed. "Where else?"

I saw a sudden rush of lust play across Brady's eyes, and they began drifting to the dance floor. He regained focus and gazed up at me again. "Well, let me introduce you to my friends, it's been a long time," – to be honest, I didn't remember a single one, so I was glad of his thoughtfulness – "This is Riley, Tyler, Mike, Edward and Embry." He pointed in the vague direction of every one he mentioned as circulated the table.

I seemed to vaguely recognize most of the guys at the table. All but one guy, whose hair reflected bronze from the disco balls. The lean but built figure was almost hiding behind the big guy called Embry, who had a gentle arm around him.

My eyes widened in realization as I stared at him from up close. Could this be him? Could this really be Rosalie's best friend, Edward? No way in hell. But I had to find out, so I took my chance. "Edward _Cullen_? Is that you?" The guy moved his face from Embry's shoulder and revealed a set of emerald green eyes. My mind tried to race ahead, searching for reasons why _Edward_ would be in a _gay club _on a Friday night. But I couldn't come up with a single fucking thing and I simply stared at him in disbelief.

"What do you want, Jasper?" he spit out my name, but his expression turned faint. His frown was deeper than ever, and his jaws were clenched together.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" I couldn't help but voice my shock.

"Uhm..." He stared at me as if I was a goddamn idiot. "Hunting an elephant. What the fuck do you think I'm doing?" he gestured around as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"But this is a _gay_ bar!" I exclaimed.

His face managed to harden even more as he pushed against Embry's large figure, indicating that he wanted to leave the table. He was stuck in the middle of the bench between Embry and another dude. As soon as Embry stood up to let him through, I had to take a step back instinctively. The guy wasn't just built but also noticeably taller than my 6'3 frame. He reminded me of a gay version of Emmett and I had to make sure never to get on his bad side. Though that might be hard, considering he already had Edward in his arms, saying some bullshit about 'everything is fine', 'no need to overreact' and, 'I could ask him to leave if you feel uncomfortable…'

_The motherfucker…_

Edward didn't even say anything as he kept shaking his head and finally shoved past me and walked off. Embry gave me a hard stare but I ignored it as I immediately ran after Edward. "Edward, wait!" I shouted through the rant of the crowd and the loud music streaming from the speakers around the DJ. But he didn't stop to wait for me, neither did he slow down. He was walking hastily and I ended up following him to the furthest seat by the bar. When he'd reached the counter, Edward turned to look at me with animosity, and I tried to resist the urge to chuckle. He looked so fucking cute, all pissed like that.

He caught my feeble attempt at hiding my smile and his face scrunched up in rage, "You know, Jasper, just because you have the perfect life that everybody only dreams of, doesn't mean you have the right to prance around and laugh at us!"

"What… what are you talking about, Edward? I don't have a _perfect _life!"

"Sure seems like you do,"

"Of course I d-"

"Shut the fuck up, Jasper." He dismissed me by turning around to wave to the bartender.

He ordered a Jack and I pushed a random guy off the stool next to him. I sat down, but for the first time… ever, I actually did as he asked. I shut up. Well, at least for a little while. I eyed him carefully in the next few silent minutes. Could this really have been what he'd been hiding from all of us for all these years? That he was gay? May be we had more in common than I'd thought, and the change of events was definitely way more interesting than what I'd expected.

"So are you gay?" I asked when his breathing evened and he had enough time to collect his thoughts.

"What do you think?" He snapped.

I shrugged and gazed innocently at him.

"What would a sane, straight man be doing in a gay club, Jasper; socializing with a group of very much gay people?"

"Experimenting," I suggested neutrally.

His eyes widened for a second but he controlled himself and scoffed, "Do I seem like the kind of guy who would experiment with strangers from a club? Fuck, I'm not _you!_"

The bastard was right. Edward seemed to be the polar opposite of me. For the eight and a half years I had known him he'd always been discrete, shy and withdrawn. Even offensive and insulting, if people tried to get too close to his personal life. I'd never understood it because it wasn't like people were somehow disgusted by him, or that they never tried to be friends with him. Girls who were willing to get fucked with no strings attached were something he'd never had to work hard for. Actually I was pretty sure he'd _never_ even made an effort. To be honest, Edward was rather handsome and also quite charming if he wanted to be. But those were rare times.

Of course there were the two exceptions, my sister and Jacob, who'd apparently passed his personal-evaluation-test that I knew everyone he met went through in order to get into his friend zone. I had no idea where the fuck I'd failed in that test, but it bothered me more than anything. Especially right now.

I noticed him still staring at me expectantly and I realized I hadn't replied to his statement, "May be not. But why are you raging at me? I didn't do anything! It's not like I stalked you, Edward. I come here on a regular basis, and I know Brady and Embry a little." It was the first time in months Edward and I had come even close to having a serious conversation like this one. I was starting to feel uncomfortable with the unexpected confrontation we were having.

"I don't want to talk about this now and definitely not here." He was right. The sound of the music drowned our voices and I had to concentrate hard on his words and the way his mouth moved to make any sense of it. But my curiosity got the better of me and I kept pushing him, hoping for the much anticipated explosion.

"Then let's go to my apartment,"

"No." He said stubbornly, his eyes drifting to the direction of Brady's table.

"How abou–"

"_No!_"

"But you can't just leave me without any explanation at all!"

"I don't owe you an explanation, Jasper." He hissed.

"May be not, but I definitely don't deserve to be kept in the dark about something like this. I deserve to get to know who you really are, before you run off cynically."

His face turned bitter and it only annoyed me further. I couldn't figure out what the fuck I'd done wrong to get this reaction from him tonight. "Jasper, you don't _deserve_ anything from me! Let alone such a personal justification as to why I'm sitting here right now. You don't _know_ me, I don't _want_ to know you, and we _shouldn't _know each other. Fuck, just because we have Rose in common, doesn't mean we can immediately live in each other's lives. We managed to go eight years without being friends, why do you fucking want to get to _know_ me now?"

"Because you never gave us a chance to be friends, Edward! Ever since we moved to Forks, you've been _Rosalie's new friend; _you came over to hang out with _Rosalie. _Why did you never try to talk to me, Edward? Fuck, if it were the fact that you just liked Rosalie and wanted to get into her fucking pants, then so be it. But _no_ you two _insisted_ that you were just_ friends!_"

Edward opened his mouth to defend himself but closed it immediately. "So before you go judging _me_ for wanting to get to know _you_ better, think about who was the one who ended the friendship before it even fucking started." I said matter-of-factly.

"Really, Jasper? It took you _this long_ to figure out that we _could _have been friends? NOW, you come blaming me for not giving you a second look, when you didn't even give me a _first_? Wow, you're more pathetic than I thought."

"_I'm_ pathetic!" I gasped, eyes widening. He must have been joking, the fucking asshole. He was the one with no friends, no parties to go to and no girlfriend. Or boyfriend, I should say. "Edward, you're making a big deal out of nothing! All I asked was to have a civil conversation with you to understand this situation, and you just _had _to create a fucking big deal out of nothing!"

It took him five seconds to stop himself from lashing out into another banter, instead saying "Whatever, I'm done talking to you for tonight." And with that, he turned and briskly walked back towards the centre of the club.

"Wait. Edward!" I followed him immediately and ended up walking up to the table where Embry and Brady were trying to convince him not to leave. The rest of the guys were fortunately not present, and I assumed that they went out to the dance floor.

"No, guys, I think I've had enough for one night, I'll just head home now," he gave a shabby reply.

Brady looked at him sympathetically and gave in. "Okay, well, let me walk you home then,"

He started to get up from his seat but Edward quickly said, "No, it's fine, really. The night's still pretty young; you should stay and have fun." He didn't give Brady time to reply before he turned to Embry. "It was very nice meeting you, Embry," he offered his hand out for a shake.

But Embry surprised even me by standing up and pulling Edward into a hug. "It was very nice to meet you too, Edward. And of course, I hope to see more of you." Edward pulled back and I saw him smile for the first time this night. I rolled my eyes at the very obvious pun the hunk had managed into that sentence. I wondered if this Embry guy had somehow hypnotized Edward before I'd gotten here.

After they pulled back I stared in disbelief as Embry said, "Here, let me save my number on your phone. You should know that I will always be there for you if you need someone," My mind was racing, trying to make sense of what was happening right under my nose, but I wasn't able to read so deep between his lines.

"Uhm, yeah. Okay…" Edward seemed to be in a trance as he pulled his phone from his pocket.

Embry smiled as he entered his information into Edward's phone. He handed it back to him and gave him a kiss on the forehead. "Have a good weekend."

"I will, thanks." Edward smiled back and Brady also walked around to give him a hug. He murmured something in his ear and I wondered how Edward had time to get to know and become so comfortable with these people. It wasn't like him to make new friends this fast. I was becoming sort of jealous at the close friendship he'd gotten to with these people who'd be strangers to him a week ago. I'd known Edward since he was ten, and he had never allowed me to hug him.

Edward finally turned around and looked as if he was surprised that I was still standing here. He huffed and walked right past me. I awkwardly waved at the two concerned guys and ran after Edward, though the more I called for him to wait up, the faster he ran away from me.

I noticed him heading for the doors and it dawned on me that he actually intended to walk home all by himself. I made a split second decision that I would drive him home. I remembered that I had given Seth a ride here so I ran over to the dance floor and made my way through the half-naked bodies to look for Seth where I saw him earlier. I spotted him easily within the minute and walked up to him.

I found him pressed up against another guy and they were grinding their hips into each other; both of their shirts were off and hanging from their pockets. I walked up and pressed myself into his back in order to talk into his ear. He recognized me and turned his head.

"Hey, uhm, I have to go right now, it's kind of urgent. I'm assuming you're gunna be fine by yourself?" I tried to give him my best pleading expression as I begged for him to let me go easily.

He sensed the ambiguity in my voice and narrowed his eyes, indicating that he was going ask about this later, but said, "Sure, I'll be fine." He winked and turned to whisper something into the other guy's ear.

I danced my way through the crowd until I made it outside and ran to the parking lot. I hopped into my car and drove in the direction I knew Edward would be walking in order to get home.

I spotted him about a block away from the club, hunched over as if he was using his shoulders to protect himself from the cold. I cringed at the knowledge that I was responsible for ruining his night and making him run off in a hurry like this. I pulled up the car to idle it beside his place on the sidewalk, rolling down the window of the passenger's seat. "Edward, get in!"

He looked at me as if he was surprised at what I had offered. Then a second later, a hard expression crossed his face and he shook his head. He stared ahead as he walked on, putting his hands in his pockets. I accelerated for a second to align the car with him again. "Edward, don't be unreasonable, come on, it's freezing outside."

He kept walking on. I easily kept up with his pace.

"Jesus, Edward. Look, I promise I'll keep my mouth shut for the entire ride. Please, get in the car."

Nothing.

"Edward! Get the fuck in the car!"

Nothing.

I slumped back in my seat in defeat, but kept up the pace of the car.

A minute later, I could almost feel him rolling his eyes as he turned to look at me. He was acting childish with his stubborn and hostile attitude, as always. "Fine! But only because it's fucking cold outside!"

I thanked God and motioned to my mouth with my hand as if I was locking it and then threw the pretend key out the window. This time he actually rolled his eyes, huffed, and got in the car.

The promise I'd made about keeping my mouth shut was more difficult to keep than I'd thought. My tongue was literally aching with questions. Luckily, I was able to contain myself, otherwise he'd probably have thrown himself out of the car while driving – risking serious injures – just to get rid of me and my useless ramble. I was completely aware of how much he despised me, and wasn't about to test him.

It was the longest drive of the shortest distance I'd ever traveled. But when we finally arrived at his building, I didn't want it to be over because I knew he'd do anything to get away from me. I parked the car in front the building and neither of us said a word until Edward made a move to get out of the car.

"Uhm, Edward?"

He didn't bother turning around, having one foot in and one foot out of the car. "What?"

"You really wanna disturb Jacob and his girl right now?"

"No," he said and grimaced. "But I don't have any other option."

"You do. Come home with me,"

At first he looked like he was going to yell at me again, but he seemed to compose himself and calmed his expression. He sat back in his seat and slammed the door in frustration. I rolled my eyes at his immature behavior. He sighed at my slow pace as I drove the two minutes it took to reach my apartment building around the block.

Once upstairs, he went straight to the bathroom as I made my way to the fridge to dig for a few beers. He wasn't going to get away without an explanation. Even if that meant I had to tie him to a chair, tape his mouth and constantly insult him for the next twenty days. Without him being able to defend himself he'd eventually give in...

After what seemed like an hour of prolonged silence, Edward exited the washroom, seated himself on the couch opposite me and grabbed a beer, immediately digesting the first half in a few gulps. He pulled his phone out from his pocket and called Jacob. "Hey Jacob... She's still there?... No, I'm at Jasper's... I'll explain later, okay? I don't wanna interrupt... No, that's fine... Yeah... Well, text me when it's safe to come home… Thanks, bye." He slipped his phone back into his pocket, and took another, less urgent, sip from his bottle.

The silence was painfully penetrating my mind. After a few more sips he turned to me with an anxious look. "Get it over with," he said so quietly it sounded like a whisper.

"You make it sound like talking to me is a chore."

"It _is_ a fucking chore, Jasper."

"I want to know what's going on,"

"Then fucking ask!"

I fidgeted with my beer, still irritated that he kept being so goddamn grouchy even though I'd only been nice to him since the beginning of the night.

He started looking impatient, as I formulated the questions in my head; staring intently at me, the way Rosalie so often did when she tried to tell me something without using words. Those two _really did_ spend too much time together. But I didn't want to come out with a strong and inappropriate question and end up hitting a soft spot in the process, causing him to get up leave while screaming at the top of his lungs at me. That had happened too often before.

"Where do you know Brady from?"

He arched an eyebrow at the simplicity of my question. "We have a few classes together and we just started talking, I guess."

"And he asked you to go with him to _Rumours_?"

"Yes."

"As a date?"

"No," He breathed. "We're just friends."

"Did you tell him you're gay?"

He winced a little at the word _gay_, but kept his expression and voice fairly neutral. "No," he shook his head. "I guess he just knew."

What the hell? He just KNEW?

Finding out that Edward was gay was a huge shock for me, and it took Brady a few glances during class before he'd just _known_ about it without even fucking asking? I'd always considered myself fairly good at reading people, but this was just gigantic fail on my part. How could I not notice?

I turned away from Edward and sat back, in need of a moment to process things. Now that I'd had time to get the fact that Edward was completely gay into my head, memories from high school seemed to visualize in the forefront of my head. But still, I'd never given it a second thought when Edward rejected my offer on a double date with two pretty girls that I'd arranged! I'd just thought it was his general hatred for me that had stopped him from even considering saying yes. And even when one of the hottest girls in our entire school had asked him out – which wasn't something that happened often that a girl asked a guy – he'd just brushed her off saying he already promised Rosalie they were going to the movies, which made the girl feel too rejected to ever ask him again.

I'd just thought he had a crush on my sister and wanted to fuck her, but she had never mentioned anything about ever doing something sexual with Edward. And she would have, if something happened between them. She tells me everything. Well at least I think she does. But it all made sense now. Edward was gay, but he couldn't have known for long, because the way he was acting about it made it clear he hadn't even come to terms with it yet. It sounded as if he was still in the closet.

"Who knows about it?"

"Rose and Jacob..." he seemed lost in thought, "Brady and Embry."

"For how long?"

"Rose has known for two years and Jacob a couple of months after her."

I'd never felt this much like the biggest damn idiot on the entire planet before. They'd known for that long? _And I hadn't_? That was some fucking bullshit and I was so... jealous about it that I couldn't help but clench my fists. Well, getting pissed at him definitely wouldn't keep him interested in this conversation that I desperately needed to have – I knew that from experience. But Edward didn't notice the various emotions that crossed my face, and for once I was thankful that Edward was always completely oblivious to other people's actions and emotions around him. I didn't want him to be able to tease and humiliate me about my jealousy, because I knew he would, if he had the chance.

Edward got fed up with my constant silences, "Okay, Jasper. Looks like that's all you wanted to know. I'm gay, and only two people have known about it for more than a week. And hopefully you got the hint that I'm still in the fucking closet and would like my status to be revealed on my own terms. I know you have troubles with blurting out whatever you feel like without even thinking about the consequences it has for other people, but you better fucking respect my rules here," He paused and put his empty beer bottle on the table and continued, "So it's better for the both of us if you just pretend you didn't find out about anything. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to leave before you have time to come up with new and improved insults for me. Thanks for this wonderful night you've given me. I have to say, it was quite interesting." His speech ended with a sarcastic tone that I did not like at all and I immediately stood up to block his exit.

"Edward, you're overreacting. Why don't you just stay, and we can continue with light chit chat?"

He rolled his eyes for the fiftieth time tonight – it was becoming a bad habit of his. "Enough with the crap, Jasper. I don't do light chit chat, and you know that."

"Fine. But you have nowhere else to go. Please, just stay?" I didn't like the vulnerability of my tone at all, but there was no other way to make him stay. I knew that if I acted like a controlling douche about it he would just be even more annoyed with me and way more eager to defy what I asked him to. Pleading – and embarrassing myself in the process – was my only shot at possibly getting what I wanted from him.

The fact that I didn't know what I wanted yet, was completely irrelevant. But that's also why I needed him to stay longer.

"Fine." He let himself fall back to his spot on the couch with a huff.

I walked back to my kitchen to grab two more beers and to give him time to cool down. I walked back and handed him one in silence but when I sat down I couldn't help myself from asking, "So, you're _completely_ gay then?" He glared at me, and I immediately raised my hand in defence. "Hey, I'm not mocking you, just wondering…"

"Yes, I am."

"You know I'm bi, right? I mean, you don't have to be scared of me hating on you or anything. I totally understand it."

He snorted and turned his entire body to face me. "Yes, Jasper, I know you're bisexual."

"But, you're still in the closet… why? I mean if you've admitted it to yourself since high school… then what are you waiting for?"

"See, that's exactly what you don't understand. You're bisexual, you _have a choice. _You can lie to your parents all you want. Bring a perfect girl home to meet them. But of course, you don't have to. Your family is just _perfect_, and they accept you. But that's beside the point. I have gone through my life knowing that my parents would be bothered by this. They'd probably think it was just a rebelling phase against them or something fucked up like that. And that would probably cause drama for us that could be avoided if I just never came out. It's just better like this. Nobody has to know anything that doesn't interfere with my life, and at this time, it doesn't. Because as you obviously know, I don't have a boyfriend, which is also the reason why I've never felt like telling you. There was no need. And also because you'd probably think that because we're both attracted to men it creates a deep bond between us and all of sudden we're gonna be friends. But _guess what_... it doesn't."

He took a deep breath and looked as though he was surprised at how much he opened up to me. Though, I still had a feeling that he was holding something back.

"Wow, I never thought… I mean I've never thought of your parents as people who wouldn't accept something like that. You're their son…"

"Trust me, my parents are the perfect couple on the outside, but they're very conservative and telling them I'm gay would only add onto their constant hammering on being the best son in town. I have to grow up to keep the prestige of the Cullen family strong. I mean, you can only imagine the anger that took over my father when I told him I didn't want to be a doctor, and that I was gonna go to college with Rosalie in lame old _Seattle_."

"Yeah, trust me, I've been through _that_,_" _I chuckled but stopped when he only smiled at my comment. "So uh, does this mean you've _never_ had a boyfriend? Not even someone just for the fun?"

I watched him debate whether he wanted to tell me the truth for a second before he said, "No, never had a boyfriend,"

"Never even thought about it? I mean, Edward come on you need to spice up your life, man. We're in college now! You're completely free from the gaze of your parents,"

"Yeah, sure. I _have_ been thinking about it."

"Well, who am I to talk, huh? I've only ever had two serious girlfriends, and one boyfriend,"

He snorted and said, "Yeah, but, the number of tricks you've taken home to simply fuck, is uncountable right?"

"Hmm, I wouldn't say uncountable… there's just been a lot… besides, who's counting? It's all in the fun,"

He rolled his eyes and I was, for once, happy for him to be amused at my expense.

We continued talking for a few more hours about useless conversation, but the ring of Edward's phone interrupted our conversation which had been going on for what felt like ten minutes, but was actually well over an hour. We hadn't lingered at the gay subject for long though, because it seemed only to make him feel more awkward by the minute.

"Jacob says the coast is clear. Fuck, it's past midnight, I guess I better go home," He took the last sip from his third beer of the night and I also finished mine and followed him to the door.

I almost wanted to ask him to stay longer, but I knew that was unreasonable, considering the time. Honestly, I really did enjoy talking to him and getting to know the real Edward. Sure, I know he left a whole lot of things that he wanted to keep a secret for me, but I didn't push him into anything he was uncomfortable with. And sure, he couldn't keep himself from snapping at me and making comments loaded with heavy sarcasm, but I didn't really mind.

"Hold on, let me drive you back, it's probably pitch black and even more freezing outside." I reached for my coat as he put his sweater on.

"Jasper, we're in Seattle, not Forks; I can handle myself. Besides, it's just a ten minute walk."

"Well then, let me walk you," I didn't want my time with him to end so quickly.

He opened his mouth to protest but when he saw my determined expression, he shut up and opened the door. I smiled at the progress we'd made today. We managed to keep from arguing for more than two hours and I definitely liked the direction that the night had taken.

We walked back to his building in silence but for once, it wasn't awkward. Once Edward and I entered his apartment, a shirtless Jacob came walking up to us with a girl wrapped in his arms, her height barely reaching his chin.

"Hey Edward… Jasper," He turned to look at me as if he was surprised to see me.

"Lucky night, tonight?" I smirked, and he puffed in pride as he remembered the girl in his arms.

"Guys, this is Irina. Irina, this is my roommate, Edward, and one of my close friends, Jasper."

"Nice to meet you guys," She said, her voice surprisingly screechy. Irina had pale blonde hair, very pale skin, piercing grey eyes and was dressed in only a shirt that belonged to Jacob which almost reached her knees. Before any one could say anything else she stepped out of his hold and said, "I'll be waiting in your room," She traced his chest with a finger as she turned around and walked off in the general direction of Jacob's room. He also turned to look after her with lust in his eyes, checking out her ass.

I smirked at this comical scene of _Jacob_ being wanted by a girl, and turned to see a very much uncomfortable Edward.

"God, that ass..." Jacob turned back to face us, but seemed as though little Jacob had already joined Irina in bed.

"Good job, Jake, she's actually not that bad," I winked and held out my fisted hand for him. It was the truth – she was actually pretty sexy, and with an aura of innocence. But I sure as hell hoped this wouldn't be anything serious, because she didn't seem like his type at all for anything more than sex. But on the other hand sex was the only thing she seemed to be focused on, and knowing Jacob and his casualness and lack of trying to sell himself I knew it would take some patience for the girl to get to know him. Irina didn't seem patient considering she'd not even exchanged more than two half sentences with us before she drifted to the bedroom.

Before anybody could say anything else, we heard a _thump_ coming from the outer side of the closed apartment door. Then silence. All three of us instinctively took steps towards the door as we waited for something to happen. But the silence continued to leave us confused.

Since I was the closest one to the door, I gestured to them that I would open it and slowly and very dramatically reached for the door handle. As soon as I swung the door open, a blonde mess fell into my arms and another larger body tumbled into us. My body couldn't take the surprise of the extra weight so we all staggered back until we ended up on the floor.

I heard a groan from above me and opened my eyes to see my sister looking back at me in surprise. "Jasper,"

"Rose?"

"_Jasper?" _the deeper voice of a surprised person came from beside us and I looked over to see a large hunk of a body kneeling on the floor beside me.

"_Emmett?"_

"Fuck, Jasper, you're squeezing my foot!" I looked up to see Jacob towering over me and I immediately lifted myself to release his bare foot. Rosalie and I stood back up and so did Emmett.

"Jasper, what are you doing here?" Emmett asked confusion written all across his face.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?"

"Well–"

Before he could say anything, Rosalie interrupted and introduced us. "Jasper, this is Emmett, the guy I was just on a date with. Sorry, I guess I forgot to tell you." She leaned up to kiss my cheek in order to get back on my good graces. "Emmett, this is Jasper, my older brother."

I watched Emmett look back and forth between Rose and I as comprehension dawned on his face. For a second he even looked at me with fear, which I found quite comical considering he was at least twice my size and probably five times stronger than me too. "Jesus, I knew you looked familiar…"

"What?" Rose quirked an eyebrow and I turned to explain to her.

"You're fucking one of my best friends."

"First of all, we're not fucking, Jasper. And what the fuck? How come I was never introduced to him before?"

"Yeah, dude, what the fuck?" Emmett now turned to me and I rolled my eyes.

"What the fuck were you two even doing outside by the door?"

They glanced at each other and then looked back at me innocently.

I repeatedly shifted my glare between them. "I don't even wanna know." I turned to head for the kitchen to grab another much needed beer, but was met with Edward and Jacob desperately holding onto each other to keep from dying of laughter.

"Fuck off."

Apparently all the friendliness that had been radiating towards me from Edward a few moments ago had now completely disappeared as he laughed in my face, saying something incoherent and muffled by laughter about me being a "gullible asshole". Oh well, what could I expect from him now that we were out in the open? People would ask questions if we started being nice to each other all of sudden. And even if he didn't mind the interrogation we just had, he made it pretty fucking clear that what happened tonight didn't automatically turn us into friends.

I tried to convince myself that I was completely fine with that. But in all honesty, why wouldn't I be?

I made my way into the kitchen in hunt for another beer, thinking this night couldn't get any more exciting. I heard Jacob excuse himself to his room and Edward retired to his bedroom for the night as well. After the house got quiet I made my way into the living room where I found Rosalie and Emmett settled together on the couch. I didn't like the way Emmett stared hungrily at my baby sister and the way she looked so helplessly in love under his gaze.

I walked up to them but didn't stop until I forced myself to sit in between them. It was a difficult task but luckily Emmett wasn't a big fan of my ass so he scooted away immediately. Rosalie huffed in defeat and Emmett did the same on my other side.

"Jesus, guys you wouldn't believe the night I had. I mean, I didn't get laid or anything, which kinda sucks, but I made some amazing new discoveries!"

"Jasper," Rosalie warned.

"You know what," I exaggerated a yawn and glanced at my watch to confirm what I already knew; it was almost one in the morning. "I'm beat, it's getting late, and I should probably head home." Rosalie looked at me in confusion, but I turned to look at Emmett. "Hey dude, I didn't know you lived here too?"

I resisting laughing at the comical expression Emmett had as he tried to think of an appropriate reason to why he was still here. Rosalie came to his rescue however, with a fearless look on her face, "He's here for me, Jasper, what do you have against him?"

"Oh, should I be okay with the fact that this big pile of meat sitting on your couch is about to take my baby sister into her room and do scandalous things to her? I'm sorry; I didn't know life worked that way." I was trying to joke around but my tone betrayed me as it suggested that I was hurt by the fact that I didn't know the two of them had something going on.

"Hey man, I'm really sorry you had to find out like this," I looked back at Emmett, who actually looked like he was genuinely apologetic about the situation. "We were just saying goodnight anyways, weren't we, Rosie? It's getting late, I better get home,"

I didn't say anything because the situation was rapidly becoming more awkward for me than it looked like it was for either of them. I shrugged as they both got up and Rosalie patted my shoulder. It took a couple of minutes before I heard the front door open and close, and I sighed at the pictures in my head of the two of them saying goodbye.

My sister came back and sat down next to me saying, "Jas?"

I smiled at her and allowed her to move in closer and snuggle against my side. "You know, this older brother on campus thing is harder than it seems. Especially when I just want you to be happy,"

"Jasper, I'm almost eighteen now, you know I can take care of myself,"

"I know. Besides, Emmett really _is_ a nice guy."

"You think so?"

"Yeah. Don't think you got away with this easily though, any other guy would have to go through a year of inspection just as Emmett had without you even konwing. You just got lucky this time."

"I know. Trust me Jasper; I'm not thinking about any other guys any time soon."

"Really?"

"Emmett… he's interesting,"

I had to laugh. Emmett? Interesting? What a joke. "How so?" I asked trying to clear my face of amusement. I couldn't understand where she was going with this; I mean, Emmett was fucking simpler than the instructions on how to warm up frozen pizza.

"Well, let's just say I haven't worked so hard to get a guy to ask me out since I had with Edward, back in high school."

I couldn't help laughing again at the memory of Rosalie and Edward as fourteen year olds and playing the roles of Tom and Jerry through high school. "I can assure you though, Emmett is straighter than a ruler."

My laughter died out when I realized I was the only one participating and I looked down at my sister. She looked back up at me in confusion and then sat up fully when realization crossed her face. Her eyes widened as she said, "He told you!"

"What…" I thought back for a second to what I had said, confused by the reaction she gave me. "Oh! Edward! No! I don't know what you're talking about!"

"Bullshit! I can't believe this…"

"Rose, he didn't tell me. I just… I saw him at a club,"

"Does he know you know?"

"Well…no…" she raised an eyebrow knowingly and I sighed, "Yeah, he does. But please, please, _please_, don't mention it to him. I don't think I'm allowed to speak of it."

"Fine. I'll find out what happened eventually though."

"Thanks…"

I'd barely cracked through one of Edward's barriers today. I'd gotten him to trust me enough with a sacred piece of information. I couldn't afford to lose it all just because I couldn't keep my mouth shut two hours later. He'd probably hire an assassin after me…

Rosalie started yawning, which of course only triggered my yawns. We both called it quits for the day as I kissed her cheek goodnight and made my way back to my place. I pulled my phone out checking for texts from Seth as I walked the distance from the trio's apartment to Seth and I's, but there was none. Not even a missed call. Seth usually wasn't the kind of guy who'd stay at a club till the break of dawn, so I guess he was already balls deep in his late night activities. Literaly.

The door was locked when I pulled the doorknob. I fished out my keys from my pocket and turned the key in the lock, heading directly to crash on the couch. I kicked my shoes off, but didn't bother with the jacket since I was still a little cold from the walk home. As I turned on the TV and flipped through the channels, I started to feel my blood rushing through my veins and was starting to feel a little nauseous. I closed my eyes for a minute and felt myself fall into nothingness.

My back was sore when I woke up again, never realizing I'd actually fallen asleep. It was still dark when I got up from the couch, and decided that I owed myself to at least sleep in a comfortable bed.

I shut the TV, stripped down to boxers and brushed my teeth thoroughly, hating the disgusting taste in my mouth. I jumped into bed and rolled around a little before finding the perfect, comfortable position. I clutched my hands tightly around my comforter, which was the best way to get closest to the feeling of clutching an actual person.

Although I felt exhausted and my alarm clock said it was four thirty in the morning, my mind was spinning furiously. What confused me the most and set my thoughts in motion was my completely changed perspective on Edward. I had found him mysterious and therefore interesting. But that was before I'd found out he was gay. And now that I'd gotten to know some of his secrets it only made my curiosity increase and made me eager for more. I was literally yearning to hear him talk again – preferably alone with me.

Wait, did that mean I was attracted to Edward? Well, I was definitely desperate for his friendship and acceptance, and he was also good looking and handsome which I'd always known. But he'd always been off limits. I'd spent eight years thinking he was straight and into Rose, and eighteen years thinking I was straight myself.

Was _all of that_ about to fucking change?

All I knew was that the two-hour conversation I had with Edward tonight had spurred something inside me to life. I had to know more. And my impatient self was already planning ahead how to spend tomorrow the best way possible, so that Edward wouldn't be able to run away from me. The thought of taking up the ultimate challenge – to seduce the only person on earth who couldn't ever be seduced and especially not by me – was absolutely exhilarating.

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	3. Chapter 3

**WARNING**: If you are under the age of 18, you are advised to please leave this page now. This story has course language, adult material, and graphic scenes.

******DISCLAIMER**: If you hadn't noticed, most characters belong to SM, we just play around with them for our own, and people's, entertainment.

**A/N: **Thanks for the wonderful response to the second chapter! The reviews are absolutely amazing, keep them coming! As usual, comments as well as feedback are loved!

* * *

**Edward**

**3. Feelings**

"Please?"

"No,"

"Pretty please, Edward?"

"Rose, I said no!"

"But Edward," she turned on her pouting, blue eyed, face and I was done. "Edwarddd, it's my birth week, don't you wanna make me happy?"

I sighed, "Fucking fine!"

Her smile turned into a beam and she squealed as she jumped up and down. "Thank you, thank you, _thank you!"_

I staggered under her surprise hug as I waited for her excitement to settle. As always, Rose was determined to get what she wanted. At the moment, she desperately craved my chicken tortilla soup, which was one of my specialties. She had always loved it when I cooked and experimented, ready to taste anything despite the fact that most of it didn't even look edible. But I loved cooking for her, especially watching a smile spread across her beautiful face each time I'd made something that seemed to please her taste buds.

Of course being Rosalie's best friend came with consequences. Other than cooking for her six days a week, there is the fact that it was the last Monday of September and I was put in charge of distracting Rosalie after our last class of the day in order for our friends and a bunch of other people to meet up at our apartment and plan her surprise birthday party happening on Friday. Jacob was the better social source and he knew her girlfriends a lot more closely than me so we decided he was in charge of collecting and making the guest list.

I loved planning parties, but I was glad that I was assigned to simply distracting Rosalie because I knew the apartment was crowded with people, and I would probably end up being uncomfortable. Especially because Jasper would be there and considering his change of attitude towards me the past few weeks, I really didn't want to spend too much unnecessary time in the same room as him.

Since the Friday night I had admitted what I'd been trying to hide so desperately, he'd completely changed his ways of being around me. He was nicer and gentler, only occasionally laughing at my expense and quite often I caught him staring my way for long periods of time. I didn't know how to feel or react to this, so I just kept my usual distance from him. To be honest I didn't like it one bit. My insides were screaming at me in alarm every time I noticed a change in Jasper's behavior. I'd always feared that if I told him I was gay he'd visualize some illusion of friendship between us because we both liked cock, and it seemed to me that that was exactly what was happening.

Rosalie diverted me from my thoughts as she snapped her fingers in front of my face. "Huh?"

"Earth to Edward, where did you space off to?"

"Oh sorry, it was nothing. What were you saying?"

"Well, I was just wondering whatever happened between you and Brady."

"Oh hell, Rose. How many times do I have to tell you? We're just friends!"

"Honey, trust me, I know. He and I probably talk about you more than you and I talk about him. But he did mention you hit it off pretty well with that guy… what was his name? Embry?"

I couldn't control the blush that over took my face as I was caught off guard. Fuck, why did she have to find out about everything so quickly? "Well, yeah… I mean, he was pretty nice."

"Really? How many times did you go out?"

"Only that one Friday, when I told you Brady was taking me out."

"Oh, right. Have you talked since then?"

"Well, no. But it hasn't even been two weeks. Isn't there some rule for these things? Besides, he didn't bother calling me, I don't want to look desperate or anything."

She paused and looked up at me in confusion. "I'm gunna go out on a limb here, but don't you think he noticed that you're a pretty withdrawn, _closeted, _guy? May be he's waiting for you to make the first move because he doesn't want to push you past your limits."

I considered her words. I had thought of that possibility before, but it seemed unlikely, considering I gave him all the right signals during the few hours we'd spent together. May be I hadn't been obvious enough, which seemed most likely because I'd never been the most expressive guy.

"Edward, I know you're scared. But maybe this guy is a good thing happening to you. You should call him and ask him out. Spend some time with him. Alone. Get to know him better. You never know, you might end up not standing his guts by the end of your first date. But you'll know one thing for sure, you _tried. _And that is a step in the right direction."

Fuck. She was right. I beat myself up thinking about the details of every possibility that might happen between Embry and me. But honestly, all along I was just scared of the idea of simply putting myself out there and hoping for the best. May be it was time I changed the way I live my life. May be Embry was my key to the new world right in front of me – a key I should've found sooner.

_**E**_

I cowered behind in Rosalie in horror as we spotted one of her friends walking – no, attempting to run would probably be more exact – towards us with half of her boobs hanging out of her blue shirt and flopping around shamelessly. I think her name was Jane and today, Tuesday, was her day for Rose-Patrol. Rosalie and I had just finished with our school day and while I was about to head home to help with some party planning, we needed someone to take her out shopping as a way of keeping her out of our home for as long as possible. And I definitely wasn't going to torture myself with a shopping trip right now.

"Hey, sorry I'm late." Jane panted as she stopped in front of us and she gave Rosalie a hug. Jane winked at me over Rosalie's shoulder, indicating that I was free to go. But she didn't stop at that. She pulled back and bluntly adjusted her shirt as to show me more cleavage. Embarrassed as fuck from the laugh Rosalie let out; I muttered a bye and ran off. I hoped that the look on my face made it clear enough to her that I wasn't the least bit interested. I hurried across campus and walked the thirteen minute walk to our apartment faster than usual.

At the apartment only Jacob, Emmett and Brady had already arrived and Brady greeted me with one of his usual forceful hugs. When Brady had had enough of fondling me, Emmett stepped forward to shake my hand with a polite smile on his lips and a casual greeting. He was definitely trying to get on my good side, and just the fact that he was trying so hard, almost had me convinced. Even though he was as big as Jacob he seemed completely harmless and rather gentle. Jacob on the other hand didn't even notice my arrival and continued eating his three sandwiches with deep concentration.

Others arrived soon after and I ignored Jasper's arrival just like Jacob had ignored mine. There were only two people here that I didn't know; two girls who I recognized to be Rosalie's other girlfriends. They seemed rather happy about being here in our apartment surrounded by five young men who looked far older and more mature than they actually were. I didn't bother looking at them to notice more than that one had dark hair and the other had reddish brown naturally curly hair.

"So we've finalized the guest list, and the invitations were sent out last night. There are about thirty people invited so far, including old friends from Forks, and such. The invitations said the party will be held here in this apartment, but it could easily be changes, what do you guys think?" Jasper started out, as always automatically taking the role of the leader.

"I suggest we keep it here, since our apartment is the biggest," Jacob said and turned his eyes to the two girls, "Unless yours is more suited?" He was wearing his most charming smile, definitely on purpose. He really had no limits.

"We live in the dorm rooms," The redhead explained, "So obviously, no."

"Great. Absolutely no one should tell Rose about anything. However, if there's any hint of her suspecting anything, immediately tell me," he turned to the girls and said, "Hey, I don't think we've exchanged numbers yet? I mean, if anything goes wrong or if you need something – anything – you should give me a call." I watched as Jasper released his flirty smile on them and they giggled and searched for their phones in their huge, oversized purses.

Throughout the rest of the afternoon, everyone sat around the living room as Jasper was the one who took responsibility of all the organizing. Despite the fact that I hated his guts, his love for his sister was something that had gained him some of my respect. I admired that he'd go to so much trouble just to make sure her day was perfect and that everything had a plan B, if something went the slightest bit off course.

We all decided that it would be a normal nineteenth birthday party, which meant no midget strippers, no clowns and definitely no parents to supervise. We'd already had too many weird parties with all kinds of strange themes throughout our upbringing, and decided that for once it would just be a normal party that gathers al her friends together and helps her social status.

Rosalie didn't know anything about it, other than when the party started and what the dress code was. Jasper and Seth had already handled the guest list on Monday so today was about planning how we would make our apartment ready. The two girls were in charge of coming in early on Friday morning and putting up decorations and taking care of the music. I was in no position to be able to decide whether or not they would fit the job, but I decided I would put my trust in them not to make a completely dreadful playlist. Jacob and Emmett were assigned to be the bouncers if unwelcomed guests decided to show up or if invited guests decided to cause problems. Brady and I would take care of the food and the drinks. It wasn't a hard task since I'd always been good in the kitchen, and I was certain Brady would serve as a good assistant. He certainly seemed excited enough.

All in all it seemed like we were prepared for the party, and everyone left around six in the evening except for Brady. We'd planned to do some studying since Mrs. Trupp had bombarded us with reading materials in the psychology class we were both in. It would take me at least two weeks to read everything she'd given us, despite how good I was at that particular subject.

Jane, the boob girl, had called to make sure that the coast was clear and to warn us that Rosalie was on her way home. Rosalie brought dinner with her and Brady stuck around for another few hours at the sight of Chinese takeout. I'd never been a fan of processed foods, but it was edible and I admitted junk food comes in handy a lot of times.

"So have you heard more from that girl?" Rose asked Jacob as we were settled around the dining table. "What was her name…? Irina?"

"Yeah," Jacob replied almost incoherently because of the large piece of sushi he'd just stuffed into his mouth.

"And?"

"Well, she's pretty annoying when she's got clothes on. But when she doesn't, fuck she's hot."

Rosalie pretended to be disgusted and turned to Brady, "How about you, B? How's your sex life?"

"Oh, don't even get me started. Last week a new guy at Rumors asked me out on a date. We went out Sunday evening and he was _so_ charming! Then he took me home and fucked me so hard. Ugh, I wouldn't mind having him again…" Brady sighed as he expertly ate his noodles with his chopsticks and leaned back to grin at us, giggling at Jacob's repulsed expression.

"Well, isn't any one gunna ask me about Emmett?"

Brady and Jacob suddenly seemed interested in their paper plates and stuffed their mouths with more food. Great…

Rosalie turned to look at me and I was caught in her expectant stare, "Edward?"

"Yeah, Rose, tell me about Emmett," I said. "I'd love to know the new position you guys tried out last night!" I faked my interest and took a sip from my coke bottle.

She huffed and slammed her hand on the table. "For your information, we haven't even had sex yet! Please guys; you should have more faith in me than that. He's being a real gentleman, and I love that about him. But I am kind of giddy to see what he does on Friday." She sighed, "Jesus, he's so fucking hot, I might just end up jumping him if he doesn't make a move. It _is _my birthday after all…"

The three of us just sat there and stared at her as she ran off into dream land in her head. This Emmett guy was being quite the mysterious character; I had never ever seen Rose act like this towards a man before. I even found myself getting excited about Emmett's next move.

_**E**_

Wednesday.

Other than Friday, it was the only day I didn't have any lectures or classes to attend at school or work to show up to, thanks to my smart schedule planning. I managed to sleep in and wake up at ten, which was quite early for me actually. But I needed to start working on a paper that was due in a few weeks, so I figured I needed time to make coffee and wake up my brain.

My senses were reconnected with the outside world when I noticed the sound of keys digging into the front door. I glanced to the bottom of my lap top to check the time, and realized it was past one in the afternoon. I wondered who would be home right now.

I wasn't surprised however when I heard Jasper's whistling increase as he walked through the apartment. As soon as he spotted me on the couch he smiled, "Oh hey Eddie,"

I sighed and sat up straight to appear more serious, "Jasper, need I remind you that I _don't_ like being called by that name?"

"But I like it. And it suits you. Eddie…" he paused for a minute, as if testing it, "Yup, I'm sticking with it." He plopped down beside me on the couch and stole a cookie from the plate in my lap.

"What do you want?"

He looked at me in surprise, "Can't a guy just want to hang out with you just for the heck of it?"

"Sure, but not you. Why are you here?" I pressed.

"Well, I thought we'd spend some quality time together. You know, watch movies and stuff. Hey, Eating Out: Drama Camp just came out, wanna watch it together?"

He was doing it again. That thing where he thinks we're friends. I turned to look at him in confusion, humoring him.

"You don't know that movie? Eddie, are you sure you're gay? It's like a Hollywood gay porno; all the gays in the world are crazy about it, trust me. Here let me search it up for you." He pointed to my lap top but I was already fuming.

I stood up and pointed to the direction of the front door. "Get the fuck out."

Jasper burst out into laughter as he stood up. I resisted the urge to slap him because he'd probably just laugh harder. I did however, punch his shoulder as hard as I could. "Ow, fuck! Hey, I was just kidding," He continued laughing but looked like he was trying to control himself.

"Get. The fuck. Out."

"Eddie, come on. I was only joking with you,"

"Well, you're not fucking funny, _Jasper._"

"I'm sorry, really."

I looked back at him to see he'd transformed his expression into that innocent pouting Whitlock crap. Fuck.

"Did you want something or what?" I couldn't help but ease my tone because of the pout. God, I was weak.

"Yes, I did. Honestly."

"Well, what is it? Life is moving on and you're still acting like the immature kid you were five years ago."

He pretended to look offended as we both sat back down on the couch. "I was just wondering what kind of food you were planning for the party on Friday. I need to approve."

"Oh. Well, most of the things will be ordered, I'm no real chef, but I am making tapas and bruschetta, because it will be easy appetizers, and I know Rose loves it when I make it."

"Great," He smiled.

"Yup,"

When he didn't say more I turned to see him still looking at me and I didn't know how to react. He didn't stop staring and even when he was caught, his smile just widened. "What?"

"Nothing," He said neutrally, but the smirk was still there.

"Okay, well, I have to get back to my studying. Do you mind?"

"Not at all, go for it."

I pulled my lap top onto my lap and barely added two words to my essay before I felt the heavy weight of his stare and I looked back up. "Do you mind _leaving?_"

His expression turned sulky and he finally looked away. "Fine. I guess I'll see you on Friday then."

"Sure, yeah."

Japer sat up and took the last cookie and along with a sip from my orange juice. He looked up at me, "Orange juice, really?"

I grabbed a cushion from beside me and hit him square in the face. He mumbled in pretend pain but walked off. He stopped as soon as he reached the wall that separated the living room from the rest of the front foyer as he said, "Hey Eddie, what movies _do _you like?"

I grabbed another pillow and aimed to hit him again. Except this time, he ran off before I could catch him. I placed the lap top back on the table and finally relaxed once I'd heard the front door close.

How the hell could someone be so fucking annoying? I'd told him countless times over the past few weeks that I _did not _want to suddenly become his best friend. And yet, he was still hanging on to every single fucking thing I did like I'm his responsibility. I couldn't, for the life of me, figure out his fucking problem.

The idea that he only showed interest in me merely because I was gay and he was bisexual never strayed from my mind. Every fucking thing that irritated me about him had to lead back to it. I hated the fact that he could crack jokes about his sexuality openly like this. That he was free to do as he pleased, knowing that the world wouldn't hurt him.

Once again, I felt my expression scrunch with jealousy.

I leaned my head back as I remembered last Christmas when I'd found out about his sexual preferences, in a not so pleasant way.

_**E**_

"Are you sure this is a good idea? He could be busy, or in the shower."

"Edward, quit worrying," Rosalie kept walking forward as she led us to her parents' house in which she was still living in. The last day of school before the Christmas holidays had just ended and I hated Rose for dragging me with her through the cold. I was acting childish, the snow had barely managed to cover most of the ground, and there only a slight chill in the air. But honestly, I did not have a single cell in my body that wanted to go see Jasper. "Seriously Edward, don't you even miss him a little bit?"

"Not in the slightest." Jasper had been away at UW for almost five months now, and the only thing Rose has been able to talk about for the past two weeks, was reuniting with the best older brother that the world could ask for. I, however, loved the fact that my life was finally Jasper-free; that my entire twelfth grade year wasn't wasted trying to avoid the older brother of my best friend. That I didn't have to listen to his constant critiques anymore.

But now he was back. Granted, it was only for a week during the Christmas holidays, but a guy can be dramatic.

"God, I'm so excited. He's probably all grown up now. I might even cry," Rosalie continued to rant and I thanked all heavens when we finally made it to their front door. She pulled out her key and stuck it in and we both walked in through the entrance to the grand house.

While she immediately started looking for Jasper, I slowly started to strip out of my winter attire. "Jasper! Are you here?"

When no one responded I arched an eyebrow and said, "See, no one is home, let's just come back another time."

"No, Edward, wait. I'm absolutely sure Mom mentioned he'd definitely be here by now. She took off her fake rabbit fur covered boots and started to walk through the house to look for her brother. "Jazzy-pants! Come out, come out, wherever you are!" I followed a few feet behind her, a little eager to find out why he was being so mysterious. "Edward, I'll go upstairs but can you just check around here; the office; the kitchen,"

"Fine," I set out to look for Jasper but didn't even bother calling out his name. He wasn't in the kitchen, office, or the washroom, but at the end of the hall I knew there was a guest bedroom that was a possibility. I walked up to the door and suddenly heard suspicious sounds that sounded like moans and grunts. Jesus, was he _masturbating_ in there? I only debated on opening the door for a nanosecond, before I decided it would cause no harm. Besides, he had walked in on me a bunch of times before; he owed me.

I opened the door and simultaneously coughed really loudly to catch Jasper's attention. I looked up, only to be faced with the expanse of Jasper's entire backside, and _nothing_ was hidden under the covers like I had expected. I opened my mouth in preparation for some yelling, "AH, FUCK, MY EYES." I immediately brought up my hands to shield my now corrupted eyes, but kept one eye looking in curiosity to see who he had under him.

When he'd noticed my presence, Jasper turned around smiled, "Oh, hey Eddie,"

I barely had time to open my mouth to scold him on calling me that before I realized that he didn't have a girl under him, but a guy. A fucking DUDE! My eyes flew wide open in surprise and my mouth opened as I searched for something intelligent to say. "Jas… What… That's a … WHAT THE FUCK JASPER, YOU'RE GAY?"

He looked down at the black haired, smaller guy, and then back at me. Then one more round of comprehension before he settled on my face again, "Not _exactly_."

"But you're _fucking_ a _guy?_"

The dude finally managed to wipe the surprised look off of his face and pulled up the comforter to cover both of their naked bodies. I rolled my eyes at his feeble attempt to save any dignity he had left, and the fact that this image was now forever engrained in my head.

Before anyone could take another breath, Rosalie walked into the room and her expression widened in happiness as she found her beloved older brother. Though not in surprise that she'd found him in bed with another _man!_

"Rose! What the fuck! You never told me your brother was _gay_!"

Her eyes widened and she turned to look at Jasper, "Oh my god, you're gay now?"

"Well, _no-_"

"YOU'RE NAKED, IN BED WITH ANOTHER NAKED MAN!"

"Edward, calm down," Rose grabbed my arm and I looked at her in disbelief. What the fuck is wrong with this world!

I let Rose lead me to the living room and sit me down on the couch.

"Edward, you're over reacting."

"I– What! No I'm not!"

She raised an eyebrow.

"Fine." I took three full, deep breaths and tried to calm myself down. "Tell me what's going on, please," how much does a guy have to plead, seriously?

"Well, Jasper and I have been talking a lot since he left. He told me that he'd met this guy, Seth, and that he'd been wondering about gay sex and such. He's just experimenting, and expanding his horizons a little bit."

"_Expanding his horizons!_ Looked like he was enjoying _expanding_ that fucking _dude!"_

Rose actually had some decency to giggle. "Well Edward, even if he was gay, I don't think you should be accusing him of anything. If he wants to say that he's still testing the waters, then so be it. You of all people should know that,"

I looked at her in surprise. "That's different!"

"How? Think about it Edward, remember how hard it was for you to accept yourself,"

"I… well, yea but… I mean, how could it take him so long to figure it out? He's like, nineteen now!"

"Well that's why I was trying to convince myself that he really might be simply bisexual."

"Bullshit…"

"I'm serious,"

"Well, why didn't you tell me anything?"

"Because, Edward, it's not really my place to tell. Besides, what difference would it have made? Would you have made a move on him if you know there was a chance he'd be into you?"

"No but… I mean, I would have liked to know,"

"Well, he's here now, so you can talk to him about it for as long as you'd like."

I thought about it for a moment then voiced a sudden thought, "I've realized I was gay for two years. Now, he comes home after only four months in college, and he's already gotten a _guy_ before me!"

Rosalie giggled and I laughed along with her as I thought about how pathetic my personal life was.

_**E**_

I jumped up ten feet at the sound of my phone's ringtone. Fuck, when did I space out like that? I grabbed my phone and was surprised to see Embry's name displayed on my screen. Butterflies invaded my stomach as I thought about the irony that he was the one who ended up calling after I'd been thinking about him all week.

I hesitantly accepted the call and held the phone up to my ear, "Hello,"

"Hey, Edward," Embry's voice sounded cheerful and I forced the butterflies away, knowing that there was nothing I should be uncomfortable about. "How are you?"

"I'm great, actually. Today is my day off so I've been sitting at home all day working on an essay,"

"Oh, I'm sorry to bother you. Would you rather I called you later?"

"No, no!" It was only after I'd exclaimed loudly that I realized how foolishly desperate I sounded. I was certain even Embry could sense it through the phone. But he didn't seem to be bothered by my over enthusiasm, he simply chuckled. "You're not bothering me."

"Well, it's been long since we last saw each other; I thought I'd give you a call and see how you were," he paused, "I've been thinking a lot about you…"

The butterflies suddenly began batting their wings furiously. "Me too," I managed to stutter.

"Okay, let me be frank with you. Would you like to go on a date with me this Friday?"

"I- I'd love to!" I expressed my reply immediately without even taking a moment to think about the offer. Then I realized that Friday was the day of Rosalie's party and reached for my hair in frustration. I heard him take a breath but before he started talking again I interrupted him. "But, Embry I'm sorry, I don't think I will be able to make it, I've already got plans…"

"Oh," The disappointment he voiced was too evident to ignore. I couldn't let the chance of seeing him again slip away, and I was worried he'd get the wrong signal if I completely rejected his offer.

"I would really love to go out with you but, we're throwing a surprise birthday party for Rose; I can't bail out." I tried to explain and crossed my fingers, wishing he would understand and may be offer to go out on a different day.

The silence on the other end lasted a few heartbeats. "That's fine, I completely understand. May be another time." His tone sounded defeated and I hated that the first time he took a chance and risked asking me out, I was the one who ended up turning him down.

"Would you… Would you like to come? I mean, I'm pretty sure it's not the ideal first date for two people. And, I don't know if you know many people who are coming… Well, Brady will be there, so I guess that's good… but of course, you don't have-"

"Edward."

"Hm."

He chuckled and said, "I'd be very happy to come over and celebrate with you. Thanks for the invitation."

I sighed in relief and was thankful for the easiness he was carrying throughout the conversation. "Great. I hope you won't mind… I'm pretty sure we could do something after too, you know… just the two of us."

"Absolutely. But don't stress over it. I actually think this is a good idea to get to know each other without any nerves getting in the way. I'm glad that you will be in a place where you feel comfortable,"

I smiled at his thoughtfulness but also scolded myself for being so plain, and obviously nervous and uneasy around him. "Thanks,"

"So, I'll just ask Brady for all the details and I'll see you on Friday."

"Yup," I hesitated, but forced myself to be clear about how I felt. "I'll look forward to it."

He laughed a throaty laugh, and it made me nervous that as simple a sound as his quiet laughter affected everything that went on below my waist. "I can't wait to see you. Bye, Edward."

"Bye." I muttered and hung up. I took a minute to calm my breathing before I realized that my heart had literally tripled in speed as I talked to Embry.

_**E**_

Our apartment was more crowded than I'd expected when all the guests had arrived. I kept to myself in a corner, watching with a satisfied expression as people hungrily grabbed the appetizers I'd made. The music was loud, but not in an uncomfortable way that made you want to cover your ears – the way the music was at _Rumours_. There was a constant rant of small talk filling up the atmosphere and a few people had already gathered the courage to dance. Rosalie was still unwrapping gifts and I started to realize that being Jasper Whitlock's little sister was definitely a benefit in moving up the popularity list. I didn't even know half of the people here, and I'd been friends with Rosalie for half my life! Even though parties had never really been my place to shine, I loved watching the happy smile that seemed glued on her face. I also took notice that it was extra wide because of Emmett shadowing her every move and grabbing her hand on occasion while she socialized with her friends. I really wanted her to be happy more than anyone else.

Embry had texted me earlier that he would be a little late for the party, because of some complications at work. I didn't mind, as long as he came eventually. And he sure as fuck did. I could easily feel my heartbeat quicken and a rosy blush spread across my cheeks as I realized the effect he had on me. His masculinity was radiating off of him, making him hotter than ever as he wore a heathered knit sweater in white with a V-neckline, which contrasted deliciously to his native-looking skin color and fitted nicely the planes of his defined chest. Along with that he wore dark slim jeans with whiskered front and a pair of black grey Canvas shoes. He looked really good and he seemed to have found the perfect line between fancy and casual. If only I had that ability…

He seemed confused at first, narrowing his eyes and glancing through the crowd for a familiar face. I didn't announce my presence immediately, because I liked watching him. I even felt blood rush to my stomach and lower. I looked down and noticed a small but definitely noticeable bulge. _Oh hell, the night hasn't even started yet…_

But of course he caught me within the minute and his face lit up in a bright smile, which I happily returned. He swiftly headed in my direction and I felt adrenaline start pumping through my veins.

"Hey Edward," Embry said, as he pulled me into a hug using both of his arms. Not one of those half-heartedly ones only using one arm. He even held me there a few seconds too long.

"Hey Embry,"

"Once again," He smiled apologetically as he pulled away, "I apologize for not making it on time."

"No worries. You didn't miss anything."

"Good. But, where do I put this?" He asked and looked at the square gift in his hand.

"Let me take that for you," I replied, "But you really didn't have to. It's not like you know Rosalie personally or anything."

He arched an eyebrow at me. "Isn't this a birthday party?"

"Yeah, but–"

"So do you really expect me to come to a birthday party, even arriving too late, without a present?"

I shrugged. "Well, that's beside the point. You really didn't have to."

"But I already did," He grinned, a teasing edge to his deep voice that came out sexier than ever. "Is it a problem?"

"Uhm," I stared at his face for too long, looking too enchanted to keep my cover, "N-no, that's alright."

I spun around and started for the table where other guests had started the huge mountain of presents. I turned back and immediately jumped when realized Embry's broad figure was standing right behind me. He was standing so close his breath was sweeping over my face. He had a calming musky scent, and I wanted to lean up and kiss his gorgeous lips so bad. But I couldn't do that. Only a small number of people in this room knew I was gay, and I didn't want everyone else to find out by me randomly making out with a guy. But I knew that wasn't really the huge problem. I simply didn't have the courage to kiss him first, and the fact that I didn't even wanted to come out of the closet to these random strangers crowding our apartment proved even more what a gutless person I really was.

Embry noticed the nervousness that had been creeping up on me and backed off a little. Fuck, I was such an idiot! I stayed quiet, having no idea what to say. But Embry just smiled reassuringly at me, for a moment destroying my fears.

"It's alright," He said.

I still didn't say anything, but kept gazing into his bottomless brown eyes. I was surprised at how it didn't even feel awkward between us. It felt so natural…

"Do you want to go outside for a minute?" I asked him, wanting to get away from the distractions of the party.

"Nothing would please me more,"

I led the way and he followed right behind me. But of course, I was cursed from the beginning of the night. Of course Jasper caught my eyes at the entrance and thereafter Embry's, quickly connecting the dots and realization crossing his features. I prayed he wouldn't interrupt us, but that was being naïve after all.

"Well, look who we have 'ere," I immediately noticed Jasper's accent vaguely appearing as he slurred his words out, a mocking smile appearing as he stared intently at me. He turned to Embry, the smile turning obviously fake and forced, "Isn't it the pessimist and the teddy bear!"

"Get the fuck out of our way, Jasper," I sighed as I tried to move around him but he just moved to his side to block my exit.

"Where are you going?"

"What does it have to do with you?" I snapped.

"The only place you should be at right now is Rosalie's party," He leaned back against the front door of the apartment as he spoke. He poked me in the shoulder and said, "and that's right here." His eyes looked into mine and I felt like he was looking through me, rather than at me.

"Nobody said we're leaving!"

"Well, you look like you are,"

"Look, Jasper," Embry spoke up for the first time. His rougher voice made him sound much older than us, making me feel like Jasper and I were kids and arguing about something worthless. "Edward and I are just stepping out for a second for some fresh air, and I don't see why that is a problem. We will be joining the party again very shortly. If you are going to deny us access to the door, I will happily get permission from Rosalie that Edward and I can leave for a few minutes. It's not like this place is a prison, now is it?"

Jasper seemed at loss for words for a second or two, but composed himself, "Nobody is denying anyone access, _Embry_. I just want to make sure there are no problems."

"Well, you made that sure," I said, "Now let us fucking through."

He made no move and I got impatient, so I stepped forward to yank him out of our way. His breath smelled like beer, the explanation to his strangely provocative attitude. I mean, he was always provocative, but never _this_ way. Usually he would mock and laugh at me; he would never glare and hiss. That had always been _my_ role.

I noticed a smaller person walk up beside me. "Come on, Jasper, let them have their privacy," Brady cooed and grabbed him by his elbow. Even though there were two of us now, Jasper was taller and much more built than both us, which meant we probably wouldn't be able to get him away from the door, without himself wanting to. But to my surprise, he followed Brady without a word. I sighed in relief as I turned back to Embry, watching him as he watched Brady and Jasper walk away. I grabbed his hand and led him out the door, through the hall, and down the elevator.

"Sorry about that," I said to Embry once we were outside on the pavements a painful distance separating us.

He laughed. "Jasper doesn't scare me,"

I found it hard to believe _anyone_ would ever scare Embry. I bet he was going to be a successful lawyer pretty quickly. "He doesn't scare me either,"

"Good," He muttered, "Because he shouldn't."

I cracked a smile, and began fidgeting. Why was it I had pulled him out here in the first place? Oh right. I wanted to tell him what kind of complicated person I was – I wanted to warn him before he got too involved with me.

But he beat me to it as he said, "I know what you're thinking, Edward."

My eyebrows shot up in shock meeting his gaze. "You do?"

"Yeah, it's pretty obvious." he drove a hand through his hair and continued, "Very few people know you're gay and you're afraid that will drive me away. Am I right?"

"Did Brady tell you that?"

"Brady? No."

Another silence.

"So does that mean I'm right?" He asked.

"I'm sorry, but yeah…"

He looked at me with sympathetic eyes and a mild expression. "Don't apologize. Believe it or not, I was feeling the same way as you do now only a few years ago. Most gay people go through that phase and it's okay. I really like you, and if it makes you feel better you seem a lot closer to coming out than a lot of the other closeted guys I've met."

"Are you sure?" I said my voice almost inaudible. "I like you too, but I don't want you to be stuck with me, because I haven't come to terms with who I am yet."

He closed the distance between us in one vast step and smiled. "Don't worry; I can take care of myself."

The air between us was suddenly bubbling with anticipation. As soon as he licked his lips I felt my lower belly start to tingle in anticipation. As he leaned down towards my face, I instinctively tiptoed and his lips instantly crushed mine with an incredible intensity and excitement I'd never felt before. But then again, my kissing experience wasn't that impressive. He closed his arms around me and opened his mouth a little, as if to ask for permission to enter. I happily gave away and mimicked his actions. It made him smile against my lips, and I realized he'd tricked me as he started sucking on my bottom lip. I felt my cock stir in my pants at his simple but erotic actions. I gasped and opened my mouth further, in surprise at my own reactions. Jesus fucking Christ, that felt good. Finally his tongue fully invaded my mouth and I felt myself moan against him. Only now I noticed how my pants started to tighten. I desperately leaned against him and took another step to place my foot in between his. He realized what I was doing and as he pushed his pelvis against mine, I realized he was having the same problem as the one I had in my pants.

After we were done making out and groping, Embry had asked me if I was okay with him kissing me. And I really was. I really, really was more okay with it than I should be. We'd joined the party again a few minutes later as we'd promised Jasper and everything seemed to be going quite well. The boner that had appeared luckily disappeared in time for arriving at the party, after I'd focused hard on stirring my thoughts away from Embry's body.

I talked to Embry for the rest of the night about random things I'd never enjoyed talking about before. It was sort of relieving. Jasper stayed away from the both of us the rest of the night, and I assumed Brady must have said something to him. Whitlocks may get their way often, but from what I'd noticed over the past month, Bray _always _gets his way.

Rosalie had a lot of fun – I could tell. The party didn't last more than three hours before she was drunk and blithely bounced around saying shit nobody could make any sense of. I noticed Emmett and her kissing frequently and Emmett looked extremely pleased with the attention he got from her. Jacob also looked like he was having fun. Girls were for once in a lifetime eagerly seeking his company – even from the ones even _I_ could tell were hot in a straight guy's eyes.

After most people had left – including Embry – Rosalie had retired to her bedroom with Emmett, while Jacob went to his own bedroom with some blonde chick. I was left alone sitting on the couch surrounded by a mess of empty cups, broken glass, unknown liquids spilled on the floor and random stuff that wasn't in their place. I sighed and got up to start some basic cleaning, since I hadn't really been drinking that much and didn't need to sleep immediately. I thought I might as well get started, because either way this would have to be cleaned sooner or later. Besides, I would definitely be put on that cleaning team anyway.

After a while I realized I had to pee, so I went to the bathroom. I glanced at my reflection in the mirror as I passed it, and noticed that I looked like I'd been awake for seven days straight. How great. I began to unzip my pants and pull the flaps down before I noticed a shadow behind the bath curtain. I quickly zipped up again, and cautiously reached for to pull the curtain aside.

It startled me to see Jasper curled up on the floor of the shower, sitting with his back against the tiles on the wall.

"Jasper?" I said and shook his shoulder a little too harsh. I wouldn't be able to sleep well, knowing he was sleeping in our shower across the hallways from my room. While drunk, he would probably attempt to rape me or some crazy shit like that.

"Mmmhh..."

"Jasper, wake up! You need to go home."

"Uh… what? Why you yelling, Seth? Where am I?"

"I'm not Seth. Now come on, you need to go home. You can't sleep in the fucking shower!"

I couldn't stop the laugh that escaped me at his confusion and how helpless he was. It was a rare sight to see him this way. Even though he'd drink his balls off practically every weekend, the times I'd seen drunk, he'd always been strangely confident and in complete control of himself. But right now, he looked like the walking dead and I contemplated getting my phone just to take a picture and immortalize his moment of vulnerability. If I had been a real asshole, I would've printed five hundred copies and tossed them around the hallways of our entire campus. But knowing Jasper and the way people so easily followed his lead, he would just act all cool about it and laugh, and people would gain even more respect for him. My evil plan was destroyed before I'd even taken the damn picture, so I decided against it.

"Edward?" Jasper said with a clearer voice as he stood up and leaned with both hands on the wall.

"Yeah, it's me. You need to get out of this shower and go home!"

"No, imma just sleep on your couch," He muttered and stepped past me, heading for the living room. No fucking way. I followed him and had to clench my fists. Just the sight of his arrogant face made the anger bubble inside me. Who did he think he was, just assuming he could sleep on our couch, without asking permission?

He'd already seated himself when I'd made my way through the mess.

"I'm calling Seth to come get you." I grumbled.

"What?"

"You're not going to sleep here. You have your own place, remember?"

"What the fuck are you talking about, Eddie?" He whined and stretched himself out on the couch. "Why can't I sleep here? Afraid I'll walk in on you and your new fuck buddy?" His brain had certainly woken up from its slumber, and the effect of the alcohol he'd drunk all night seemed to backfire.

I took a deep breath and ignored his comment. I knew he was purposely trying to provoke me and I wasn't going to give in, as much as I wanted to yell and scream at him. "I can't stand the sight of you, so just fucking leave. _Now_."

"Would you listen to yourself?" he exclaimed. "I'm your best friend's older brother!"

"And I'm your sister's best friend, but you don't exactly treat me with much respect now, do you?"

"Don't go blaming this on me again, Eddie. Let me fucking remind you who started acting so hostile first, and if you don't believe me, you can ask everyone in this apartment! Even Rose will fucking agree with me!"

"Really, you want to argue about this again? You know as well as I do that we'll never agree on this, so just get out and you'll spare both of us the trouble."

"I'm not leaving." He huffed.

"What the fuck, Jasper! Jesus, you're such a fucking asshole! I bet Jacob will know how to kick you out,"

He snorted. He fucking snorted! "Jacob doesn't want me out. I bet he doesn't give a fuck if I sleep on the couch or even in the goddamn shower."

"Well, then _I'm_ fucking leaving." I snarled and walked over to grab my jacket from its hanging spot on the back of the armchair.

"Edward, don't be ridiculous," He said, his voice turning instantly much softer as if he was speaking to a child.

I ignored him and pulled my jacket on with violent movements.

"Edward, what is it you want me to do! What is it I'm doing so wrong?"

"I need you to fucking treat me with respect. No mocking, no joking, in fact, don't even talk to me unless it's the end of the world!"

"Jasper? Edward?"

I jumped at the sound of Rosalie's feminine voice and turned around to see her flustered face, her body half out of the door to her bedroom. She was frowning, her curvy mouth turned down in a melancholy expression. She was wearing pink pajama pants and a black tank top, had her fee bare, and was rubbing her hand across her soft looking face gently.

I stayed quiet and paralyzed as Jasper broke the silence, saying, "What's wrong?"

"Why are you yelling at each other?" Her voice broke my heart. It was so innocent, so fragile, although I knew it could turn raging in a matter for seconds.

"Edward won't let me sleep on the couch!"

"He thinks he can just saunter around our apartment like he owns the place," I seethed.

If I thought her expression couldn't turn sadder, I had been wrong. She bit her lip as she looked between the two of us. "I wish it didn't have to be like this. I would trade all my presents for you two to be friends. Or at least not hate each other."

Neither of us said anything, and I felt myself gape at her much unexpected words. I tried to convince myself it was the alcohol talking, but I knew deep down that that wasn't true at all. I only now realized how much this ongoing battle between me and Rosalie's brother was taking its toll on her.

She sniffed and I noticed the tears that had escaped and were now running down her cheeks. She wiped the tears away with the back of her hand, and was about to go back into her bedroom again, as I strode forward and grabbed her hand refusing to let her go.

"Rose, sweetness, I would love to be able to be friends with him too," I said, "But don't you see how much of an asshole he is!"

She shook her head, looking like she was genuinely disappointed despite the dark lighting that clouded her face.

I hadn't noticed that Jasper had left, until I heard the loud slam of our front door.


	4. Chapter 4

**WARNING**: If you are under the age of 18, you are advised to please leave this page now. This story has course language, adult material, and graphic scenes.

**DISCLAIMER**: If you hadn't noticed, most characters belong to SM, we just play around with them for our own, and people's, entertainment.

**A/N: **Once again, thanks for all the reviews and the wonderful response to the last chapter! Some (most) of you were worried about Edward's behavior, and we LOVE that you're sharing your thoughts. Keep them coming! Hopefully some yummy Jasper brightens your day ;)

* * *

**Jasper**

**4. Obsession**

_Secret Agent Jasper Whitlock._

I liked the sound of that.

_Achoo._

Fuck, I had never sneezed so many times in five minutes in my whole life!

I felt like an undercover spy as I hid behind a large bush, waiting for the hour to finish. All I needed was the tailored suit, the overpaid sunglasses and a Rolex watch. I wouldn't call myself a stalker, or a creep, because I know for a fact that anyone would go to any extent to look for a chance to fuck him too.

Mr. Edward Mother Fucking Cullen.

Sexy bastard.

I glanced at my watch for the hundredth time in one minute as I wondered when the lecture would finish. I had done quite a bit of digging in order to find out where the lecture hall, in which Edward would be at this time, was. So, here I was, behind a bush, waiting for the goddamn lecture to end. Not to see to Edward of course, I wasn't _that_ stupid, but to catch Brady and ask him if he would have coffee with me. The guy was my only hope at getting through to Edward in the next few days.

I sneezed one more time and rolled my eyes at the irony of the situation. Usually people followed me around. I wasn't used to being on this side of the loser scale. Oh well; a horny man's gotta do, what a horny man's gotta do.

Finally, _fucking finally_, the door to the hall opened and students of all different shapes and sizes filed out like ants. I stood up and hid behind a tree in order to get a better look at their faces, but couldn't recognize anybody yet. As the crowd thinned though, I noticed Brady walking out of the door with Edward right beside him. Fuck. I didn't want to have to face both of them at the same time.

I stood there and watched them walk in my direction as they continued to talk and laugh and I seriously wanted to jump out and just announce my presence. But I couldn't because I knew Edward would literally kill me within the first five seconds. He'd been avoiding me like the plague ever since Rosalie's birthday party and we communicated very, _very_ few times since then. His death glares and mean behavior continued on as usual, but I did notice he avoided me more than usual and sometimes full out ignored me when I tried to talk to him.

As the two of them walked right past me, when I was just about to give up all hope, I saw some twink walk up to Brady and start talking to him. I watched their backs as Edward said some sort of goodbye to Brady and he walked off.

Bingo.

I casually walked out of my hiding space and ignored the few people that gave me their confused and surprised faces. I was a man on a mission, and I needed to finish it. I didn't care the slightest about what other people thought, I never had and I never would. Uselessly worrying about how other people saw me was a waste of time, and I was glad I had realized that in a very early stage of my life. Even through the teenage years when people tended to be extremely self-conscious, I didn't pay attention to it one bit. And to this day, it had never affected my reputation negatively.

Now that Edward was a good yard ahead of us, I walked up to Brady and the other dude. "Hey, Brady, long time no see, buddy." I slung my arm around his shoulders and started walking at his pace.

He looked up in surprise but then smiled, "Oh, hey, Jasper. I wasn't expecting you to be here…"

"Me neither," I chuckled, "But I was actually out here looking for you. Do you mind if we go grab a coffee or something, as long as you don't have any plans…?" I trailed off and gave him my best pleading face that I'd been trying to copy from Rose, which shouldn't be too hard since our facial features were quite similar.

"Sure, let me just finish up with something." Brady turned to his friend whom I had never seen before and exchanged a few more sentences as we all walked on. They hugged and I finally had Brady all to myself.

"So, what's up with you? I don't remember the last time you voluntarily came up to talk to me…" he accused playfully.

"Yeah, you're right; I need to ask you a couple of questions." I got straight to the point as I steered us towards the opposite direction from the Starbucks that I knew Edward liked to go to so much. Brady quirked an eyebrow but didn't voice his question as I led us to another coffee shop down the street.

Once we'd ordered our drinks and sat down, Brady looked at me intently.

"Dude, chill. I was just wondering– well, no; I _know_ you're going to _Rumours _tomorrow, it's Friday. But I was wondering if Edward is going to be there with you?"

An understanding expression crossed his face as he took a sip from his coffee. "Oh, no, Jasper. He warned me about you, and your mysterious change of attitude towards him during the past few weeks and I am definitely _not_ going to help you with that."

"Why not, Brady? You've never failed me before. I just really, _really_, want to get to Edward. You don't even understand! It's like I _need _him! I need to get him in my pants. Please, _please, _Brady?" I batted my eyelashes and pouted my lips, trying to convince him, although from the look on his face it seemed pretty hopeless.

He looked at me with sarcastic amazement. "Wow, Jasper. I really didn't understand!" he lifted a hand to my forehead, "Should I be concerned?"

"Oh, fuck you." I sat back in my seat taking a drink from my espresso, but unwilling to admit defeat yet. "Just tell me, is he going to be there tomorrow?"

Brady turned his serious face on and said, "Honey, Edward is a really nice guy, he's my friend now and I don't want you to cause any harm to him just because you _need him in your pants!_ You should leave him alone. He doesn't need a pointless one night stand with you. It will just increase the tension between the both of you in the future. And obviously you can't control _that_," He was subtly reminding me of Rosalie and the close bond she and Edward shared. "He needs to start living his life; he's only just started to see the beauty of the gay community, and I'm _definitely not_ allowing his first experience to be with _you _of_ all people_. We don't need you to barge in and scare him further into the closet."

I slumped back, realizing I had lost this one, and there was no way of turning it around in my favor. He was right. But fuck! Edward himself wanted nothing to do with me. What the fuck do I do to get a man to like me?

Brady interrupted my thoughts as he continued, "Besides, I think he and Embry have a thing going on, you shouldn't ruin what could be a start of a beautif-"

"A thing? What do you mean 'a _thing!'_? Edward doesn't do _things_, trust me."

"Well, when two guys like each other…"

"What the fuck. Embry is not even his type! How does he even like that seven foot hunk! I thought they were just drunk and horny when I saw them together at the birthday party, not about to walk down the aisle! "

"Oh, so _you _are Edward's type now? How can you decide that? How do you know what his type is at all? And you know as well as I do that there are different phases in building up a relationship. Besides, do you even know anything personal about Edward other than what Rosalie and I have told you?"

"May be not, but-"

"Just let it be, Jasper. If somehow, in another century, in another world, Edward starts to like you, then great; make your move. But I'm pretty sure that's not going to happen any time soon. You need to move on, my friend." He took a sip of his coffee and gave me a small satisfied smile. He was fucking enjoying my frustration, the little punk.

I turned around to finish my espresso, and Brady managed to stay quiet for a minute before he couldn't stop himself from saying, "Promise me, Jasper, that you will stop whatever it is you're doing regarding Edward. Promise me you'll end your obsession before it becomes a problem."

"I'm not obs–"

"Just do it,"

"Fine."

He quirked an eyebrow.

"Fine! I promise I'll leave Edward alone!"

"Thank you."

We both finished our drinks and stood up to leave. "But no promises for next week," I mumbled.

_**J**_

Boobs.

I loved them. I absolutely loved squeezing them. May be not getting my face in very close proximity to them, but I loved the squishy feeling they bring to my fingers. Kind of like a flaccid cock. But those don't last long, so I like to squeeze boobs every now and then. Even fake boobs were okay as long as they were perfectly firm and round.

This short blonde chick had been rubbing her pair of balloons up against me for the past few hours. We were moving and grinding in beat with the music. She had her hands locked around my neck and my arms were loosely wrapped around her waist. When the song ended another, more upbeat, song came on and she immediately turned around in my arms and started gyrating her skinny ass all over my dick. I wrapped my arms around her as I reached for both her melons. She arched into my hands and pushed against my dick even harder.

I tried to get myself into the proper mood, I really did. But nothing was really doing it for me even though this girl had the looks that would satisfy any straight guy any day.

There was only _one_ other person running around my mind today and I couldn't seem to focus on anything else. Even the girl with the big, obviously fake, boobs.

I scanned the dancing crowd to look for Jacob but when I couldn't find him after what seemed like years I gave up and leaned down to nibble on the girl's earlobe. "Hey, babe, I gotta go now, but maybe I'll see you another night?" Her expression turned completely surprised and disappointment clouded her feminine features, as if it was the first time someone turned her down. "I'm sorry, family emergency," I gave her my signature apologetic smile and turned around to leave, not caring to wait for her reply.

I decided to wander around the club for another minute to see if Jacob was still here. I went to check the hallway that was behind the DJ booth where most people went if they didn't want to take a trick home. The hallway was a dark red color that fit completely the purposes the hallway was used for. Whenever I saw the color I associated it with some porn movie, like most other people probably also did. Sure enough, I found Jacob leaning against the wall and I scrunched my nose at the thought of all the disgusting shit and cum juice that must be smeared everywhere.

Jacob had his hands through a bundle of brunette hair that was attached to a bobbing head near his dick. But his face showed me that he'd already gotten off and was now being a lazy ass. "Jake, come on, time to leave."

He opened his eyes and looked over at me in a dizzy haze of confusion. Poor kid, he needed a lot more practice with this sort of thing. "What…"

"I said, let's go. I'm bored, let's go home."

"Mhmm, fine," he forced the girl up to standing position as he pulled her into a soppy kiss.

"Do up your pants, I'm in a hurry."

I walked out of the stuffy hallway and made my way out of the club all together. I glanced at my watch and it told me that it was just after midnight. I groaned as my headache started to make itself noticeable and took deep fresh breaths in order to calm myself down. Since this whole night started I'd been feeling kind of off and not myself. Where the fuck was the Jasper that didn't give two fucks about the world? Where was the Jasper who'd be fucking some random girl or boy right about now if it had only been any other Friday night?

I kicked a dumpster in frustration just as Jacob walked out and screamed, "Dude, what the fuck?"

"Trust me; I'm doing you a favor. That girl gives great head, but her pussy is as loose as your hanging jaw right there."

He glared at me and closed his mouth. "I wasn't gunna take her home anyways."

"Exactly, now let's fucking go, I'm feeling sick."

We started walking the short distance it took to get home in silence. But not two seconds later, he chuckled, "Didn't look like you were sick while sucking that blonde's face on the dance floor."

"Yeah, well, sue me."

He became silent for a minute but looked back at me in confusion. "What's wrong, Jas?"

"What makes you think something is fucking wrong?"

"Well, you've been completely out of it all night. There's obviously something wrong because it's Friday and the first time in months that you've left a club alone."

I took a minute to consider what to say, but couldn't come up with a good enough excuse, so I settled for snapping a bitter reply, "That's none of your business anyways."

"Fine. But you know you have to get over him sooner or later."

I looked up at him in surprise. "What are you talking about?"

He scoffed. "Jasper, I'm not that stupid. Rose is not the only one who noticed your change of attitude towards our little gay prince."

Instead of playing dumb or trying to defend myself – there really was no fucking point – my eyes widened in even more surprise. "Rose knows?"

Jacob looked at me for one second with raised eyebrows and then laughed, "Dude, Rose knows everything. She has a sixth sense for these things."

"Fuck."

"Don't worry," He swung an arm across my shoulders. "People fall in love all the time!"

I pushed him off in irritation. "I'm not in fucking love! Besides I have no idea what you're talking about! My attitude hasn't changed towards _any_ gay prince."

He couldn't control his drunken laughter as we continued walking and I fisted my hands in my pockets in order to contain my anger.

A few minutes later, as we approached Jacob's apartment building, we turned a corner and immediately spotted a couple of bodies walking in a jagged line down the side walk, about a block ahead of us. The shorter, more stable looking, guy appeared to be holding another guy up who seemed to be the source of all the loud mumbling and laughter.

Jacob and I immediately started walking faster in curiosity to see who could be completely wasted when it wasn't even one in the morning yet.

"Holy crap, that's Edward!" Jacob seemed to recognize him first but I instantly realized he was right when I caught sight of the unusually bronze hair that seemed to be flying everywhere.

Edward and the other guy stopped at the sound of Jacob's loud voice. "Oh, thank fucking god!" The mini guy that was holding up all of Edward's weight was Brady.

Edward turned around and his face brightened up when he saw us walking up to them. "Hey guys! You wouldn't guess the amazing night I had," He grinned goofily at Jacob as Brady handed him over, who was sighing of relief. "Hey, relax, Jake, I'm not that drunk! I can walk alone."

Edward pushed Jacob's arm away and attempted to take two steps before he tripped and fell forward. Luckily, I was there to catch him before he planted his head into the asphalt. I'd probably just saved him a trip to the ER with a broken nose. He pushed himself to stand straight and noticed that it was me holding him up. I closed my eyes in preparation for some yelling. For the past few weeks, Edward seemed incapable of speaking two words to me without it turning into a competition to test out the quality of our lungs.

But instead of the fury I was ready for I heard Edward say, "Jasper! I've missed you so much!" I opened my eyes in utter shock at the words I thought I heard. Then before I could respond, Edward, still in my arms, leaned in to give me a slanted hug.

What. The. Fuck. He must be _completely_ wasted. I definitely hadn't heard wrong considering the sincere smile on his face, but on the other hand, any smile from a drunken guy looks sincere.

I looked over his shoulder at a confused Brady and a stunned Jacob. I opened my mouth to say something but was literally too dazed to formulate a proper sentence. Before I could take another breath however, I felt Edward's grip on me loosen and his body became heavier. "Edward?"

I heard some incoherent mumbling from his mouth and then nothing. Jacob leaned around me and slapped some sense into Edward but nothing happened. "He fell asleep." Jacob, also still somewhat tipsy, found this completely amusing.

"Just grab him,"

Jacob and I settled for each supporting one of Edward's arms and finally we had him balanced. I turned to Brady. "Thanks Brady, we've got it from here."

"Any time. But make sure to give him plenty of water before he sleeps for the night."

"Sure thing, but what happened anyways? I have never seen him this drunk before." Yeah, Edward had never been drunk enough to show a positive attitude towards ME _of all people_. Let alone hug me with as much passion as he just did! Of course, I'd seen him drunk before, but the way his eyelids were vibrating, the way his mouth formed an O and the way his limbs were totally out of control told me this was pretty extreme compared to the usual drunk Edward.

"Well, Embry had to leave early; he got some emergency from work or something. I guess Edward decided to become best friends with the bartender. He was there for more than an hour before I was able to find him."

"Jesus… poor kid," Jacob ruffled Edward's hair and I rolled my eyes. Edward's head lolled up as if he was going to wake up and say something but just fell back down with another mumble nobody could make sense of.

"'Poor kid'? I'm pretty sure he knows the difference between a beer and tequila shots. He brought this on himself." I adjusted my hold on him and started walking. "Thanks, Brady. Go enjoy the rest of your night."

"Oh, I will!" He giggled and pranced away in the opposite direction. I watched him pull out his phone and I could hear him talk excitingly to the person on the other end. It was a moment of envy. This was the night I should've been heading for; bars and clubs, hot people, dancing and by the end of the night, a good fuck.

Jacob and I managed to pull Edward the next two minutes it took us to get him home, despite how much his legs refused to cooperate, and kept dragging along the asphalt. The elevator ride was uneventful but the constant jostling and moving managed to wake him up slightly. He kept murmuring incoherent words and squinting through red eyes while Jacob helped me push him through the front door.

Jacob seemed all too aware of the fact that Edward was leaning more towards me than him. He smirked and instructed, "I'll go get him some water. You get him to bed." He walked away in the direction of the kitchen.

"Come on, Eddie. You need some sleep."

"Me? Sleep? No, I'm fiiiine… Oh, havto … I didn't say bye to Jack…" Edward pushed me weakly as he made a move to walk back out the door.

"Edward, Jack won't mind, trust me. You can go say bye to him tomorrow."

I saved asking him who the fuck Jack was for tomorrow, since I knew he was in no condition to answer that properly. Even though waiting for tomorrow meant there was a chance he wouldn't answer, since he would probably return to his usual negative, secret keeping, self.

Edward looked up at me through his lashes. "You promise?" His breath wafted over my face as he swayed towards me.

I looked away because the short proximity between us was becoming too much for me, and I couldn't help myself from getting a little too excited about it. The fact that he turned me on despite his drunken stupor worried me. "I promise, now let's get you to bed." I dragged him across the front foyer, through the hallway, and into his room. He kept mumbling more shit about Jack and how he was having a good time with him. "Why did you drag me away, Jazzpeer?"

"Edward, it's late and you're drunk."

He cocked his head and suddenly looked offended. "I am not!"

The innocent look on his face managed to lighten my mood and I bit my lip to stop from laughing. "Okay, you're not. But you still need rest."

"Fine." He turned around and let himself fall onto his bed. Horizontally and face first.

I huffed at the amount of work he was making me do. I walked up to the head of the bed and pulled on his arm to get his attention. "Hey buddy, you need to help me out. You're kind of heavy." Though his eyes were still shut tight, he managed to lift himself up and I guided him to the pillows. His heavy and uneven breathing told me he wasn't completely asleep yet, so I continued by grabbing his legs by the knees and aligned them with his torso into a more comfortable position.

Just then, Jacob arrived with a glass of water and some aspirin. He looked like he'd already treated himself because he already changed into nothing but pajama bottoms, revealing his perfectly defined abs. "Wow, he's completely wasted, huh?" He said with a grin.

"Yup,"

"Well, I'm beat. You're welcome to crash in Rose's room or the couch; you don't look like you should be walking home today."

"Yeah, you're right. Thanks,"

"Sure, sure." He stretched his arms over his head and yawned as he walked off.

I turned to find Edward shuffling in bed in his uncomfortable clothing. He shifted to lie on his side as his hand played with his belt but failed to open it. I chased off all awkwardness from my head, took a deep breath, and walked up to help him. I grabbed his feet and threw his shoes across the room first before helping him with his pants. He opened his eyes as I undid his belt in two seconds and opened the two buttons that appeared. I sighed in relief when I noticed he was wearing briefs underneath, but knew it was foolish to worry about that, since Edward wasn't really the kind of guy to go commando.

"Up," I patted his hip and he used his hands to support himself as he lazily lifted his hips up. I quickly discarded his jeans, forcing myself to look away immediately. It's not like I had never seen Edward without pants before. Hell, underwear even. But right now was definitely not the time to oogle. Edward sat up to take off his shirt by himself but then fell back down against his pillows.

"Oh, no, you have to drink this first," I said, and he grumbled as I pushed him back up into a seated position. "Come on, here's an aspirin. It'll make you feel so much better."

"I don't wanit," He mumbled as he reached for the large glass of water.

"Edward, you have to. You'll feel like crap in the morning as it is." I held the cup away from him and held out the two single pieces of aspirin towards him. When he scrunched his nose I said, "Take the fucking pills, Edward!"

He grumbled as he took the pills from my hand and swallowed them in a second. I handed him the glass of water and forced him to finish the entire thing.

"Ugh," He dropped his head back on his pillows but once again, I was forced to interrupt him.

"Eddie, you'll freeze your ass off. Get under the covers."

"Fuck you…" he complained but rotated himself to lie under the covers as I held them up.

"Can I sleep now?"

"Sure you can," I smiled at his relieved expression and I walked across the room to shut the lights. "Goodnight Eddie."

"Wait Jas… where are you going…"

"You're not the only one who needs sleep,"

He didn't say anything but patted the spot beside him. Confused, I walked up to sit on the edge of the bed where he indicated. As soon as my ass touched the bed, he pushed himself up into a sitting position. "Thank you," he smiled and before I could brush it off or joke about it I realized that he was leaning towards me. For a second I thought he had lost balance or was going to fall asleep in the middle of his sentence. But he was particularly coordinate at finding his way to my lips.

The second I felt his lips land on mine, my eyes widened and I stared at his closed eyes and the beautiful lashes that rested against the top of his cheek bones. It took me a few long seconds to realize that Edward was kissing me and that I had to respond. I forced myself to close my eyes and just focus on the feeling of his lips pressed firmly to mine. I took a much needed breath through my nose and almost died from the intense smell that was Edward. He smelt like strong liquor, but I could still sense his natural scent of rain and vanilla with a hint of fresh grass. I unconsciously leaned forward, wanting more. At that moment I was certain I would never have had enough of his scent to ever be satisfied.

Suddenly I felt Edward's posture change and something was wrong. He was still leaning forward, but he wasn't kissing me. He was pressing his lips to mine, but it was more because he was slumping against me, not because he was kissing me. This wasn't supposed to happen. Fucking hell. I moved back and brought my hands up to move him away. It seemed I actually needed them to hold him up. As soon as I pulled back Edward slumped forward and I placed both my hands on his chest to hold him up.

"Edward?"

"Hmm?" He managed to raise his face to look at me but his eyes never opened. I felt his heart beating against my hands, but it was a normal beat. It was relatively nothing when compared to my rapidly beating heart. I could literally hear mine in my ears.

I remembered that Edward was completely drunk and probably didn't even realize that he, Edward Cullen, had just locked lips with me, Jasper Whitlock.

Fuck my life. This wasn't supposed to happen. Our first kiss was supposed to happen while we were both sober; while we both wanted it. In the heat of passion and desire and all that crap! Not when Edward was drunk and practically fell asleep against my lips. Not only that, but he would probably also forget all about it in the morning. Even if he remembered it, he'd fucking hate me forever. He'd yell and shout and tell me it was my fault. When in reality, he was the one who kissed me, right? I only indulged in the kiss for mere seconds before I pulled him off. I was the more reasonable and responsible one. He couldn't possibly blame me for something like this. Could he?

Apparently I was lost in thought for too long because Edward finally gave up trying to sit up straight. He allowed himself to fall forward and placed his head in my lap. Before I could guide him to the pillow, he wrapped his arms around my waist and held me tightly.

"Edward, we have to sleep,"

"M'kay," he mumbled but didn't make a move.

I sighed and looked around the room helplessly because I didn't know what to do. My heart wouldn't stop beating violently and I took deep breaths to calm myself down. Where did the cool and carefree Jasper go? I fucking needed him. After a few minutes Edward's grip on me loosened and I was able, for the umpteenth time today, to push him away from me. I rolled his upper body in order to get his head on his pillow but I knew he wasn't completely asleep yet because he managed to hang on to my arm.

"Stay."

"Edward… for many obvious reasons, I can't."

Rather than arguing, he used more effort to pull me towards him and I fell down onto the bed. I was able to lay myself to face away from him but he moved up to spoon me from the back. This night was turning out to be weirder and weirder, and the beat of my heart kept thumping inside of me as if I'd just gotten hit by a freight train. It was too late to take off my clothes, but even if I'd had the chance I wouldn't have done it. Feeling his bare skin against me through my t-shirt and jeans was more than enough, and it was hard to control myself as it was. He snaked his arm around my waist and I finally heard the distinct even sound of his breathing that indicated he was a footstep away from dreamland.

What felt like to seconds later, but was probably a couple of hours, I felt nudging on my back and I was pulled awake from the restless sleep I was experiencing. I heard grumbling from the body beside me and sat up in a bed that didn't feel like it was my own. I looked over and noticed Edward's face scrunched up in irritation.

Oh.

"Crap, Edward? Are you alright?"

"Fuck no." He sat up and pushed me aside as he hopped off the bed and ran to the washroom that was attached to his room. I glanced at the alarm clock on his bedside table that told me the sun was about to rise in a couple of minutes. I heard uncomfortable sounds that indicated Edward was hurling in the washroom so I raced to go make sure he was alright.

The smell was too fucking much so I just stayed by the door but thankfully it took Edward a short minute to empty his stomach into the toilet and he immediately stood up, flushed, and walked to the sink. "Are you alright? Do you need anything?"

"No, I'm fine." He leaned down and started washing his face with cold water.

He sounded like he could manage on his own so I went back into the room and grabbed the glass of water, and then walked to the kitchen in order to refill it with fresh cold water. I waited for Edward in his room as he brushed his teeth and when he came out, he had a scowl on his face. Guess who's back…

I handed him the glass and he took it and nodded to me in a curt thank you. He drank the water in urgent gulps and handed me the empty glass. Not acknowledging me any further, he walked back to his bed and got under the covers. His back was facing me as he curled up into a ball so I assumed I wasn't welcome back with him.

I sighed as I brought the glass back to the kitchen and searched for an aspirin to have myself. My headache was starting to ease from last night but the dizziness increased in its place. I walked into Rosalie's room and found her sleeping faced down with her arms under her pillow, a position she'd been copying from me since we were little kids. I grabbed a nice soft pillow before walking to the living room and relaxing into a comfy sleeping position on the couch.

As soon as I settled down and my body allowed my brain to catch up, thoughts of Edward's kiss kept bombarding the forefront of my mind. I didn't want to think about Edward and all the complicated drama any more than I had to. Let alone the kiss. I forced my eyes shut and counted sheep and surprisingly didn't have to wait long before sleep overtook me.

_**J**_

Clunk.

Bang.

Clunk.

Nothing.

Clunk.

I groaned as I was forced out of my slumber by the unwanted noises. I rolled over to stretch but overestimated the distance between me and the edge of my bed and I ended up falling on my ass on the floor. I landed on my back with a _humph_ as my eyes opened and adjusted to the sudden unusual bright light invading my bedroom. I sat up and rubbed my eyes, not understanding why the floor wasn't as soft as my furry rug should have made it.

When I opened my eyes I took in the couch and the coffee table that was digging into my shoulder. My first realization of the day was that this definitely was _not _my bedroom. The second was that I had just woken up in Edward's apartment. I had been sleeping on his couch. I fell on my ass and now it hurt like a son of a bitch.

I was pulled out of my angry thoughts, but the constant clatter and banging distinctly making their way to me from the kitchen. I stood up and reached with my arms above my head to stretch my body from head to toe. I felt several muscles in my back pop and I regretted choosing to sleep on the couch rather than beside Rose in her comfy double bed. After attempting to massage a cramp out of my left shoulder I grabbed my phone from where I had set it on the coffee table the night before. I noted that it was almost nine in the morning; way too early for someone to be cooking and making a hassle in the kitchen. I checked my messages and found one voice message from Brady. He said he wanted me to call him when I woke up to make sure that Edward was fine. Though, his voice hinted that he seemed more concerned in finding out if I'd made any moves on Edward rather than Edward's health and welfare.

Throwing my phone on the couch, I stood up and walked across the living room and towards the kitchen. Once I was standing by the entrance I spotted Edward standing at the counter and stirring something in a big pot. Noticing his nonchalant posture and the way he continued to roughly stir, I guess that he hadn't noticed my presence. I didn't exactly know what to do; whether to bolt out and head home where I could be safe from the wrath of Edward Cullen, or to stay where I was and face the events of last night like a man.

Who am I kidding, I'm Jasper Whitlock; I don't have a choice. Running away simply wasn't something I would do. Ever.

I coughed loudly to announce my presence and took a few steps forward. "What are you doing?"

His body became visibly rigid and he looked up from his work. "Why the hell are you still here?"

"Oh, sorry for not knowing I was expected to get up at eight in the morning, on a Saturday, and drive home with a fucking hangover." I immediately went into defense mode. Not because of his disregard to my wellbeing, but because I'd foolishly let myself think that the Edward that I'd met yesterday would be here waiting for me with open arms. What a goddamn joke. I walked across the kitchen and prepared a coffee cup for myself and noticed that the machine had some coffee still brewing in it. "Mind if we share?"

Edward nodded and turned back to his work station. I looked up at him and wondered what was going around in his head. Didn't he remember what happened last night? "So, uhm, what have you got there?"

"None of your business." He replied instantly as if he knew I was going to ask. As soon as I gave up and was about to leave the kitchen, he added. "I cook when I'm anxious. Well I cook all the time, but it also helps distract me."

"From what?"

"Well, not from my thoughts, that's for sure." He chuckled shrewdly for a second before continuing. Why was he saying this all of sudden? "But, making this complicated tomato pie recipe that my grandma shared with me keeps me calm."

I nodded in understanding before I realized what he said. "I'm sorry, did you say tomato pie?"

He looked up at me, not in surprise, but in interest of keeping the conversation going. I could see it in his eyes. "Wait, you've never tried it?"

"Well, wouldn't it just be over sauced pizza without toppings?"

He feigned horror and held up his whisk in warning, "Take that back!"

I laughed with him as I raised my hands in surrender.

He turned back to his bowl of red goo after he'd cracked a small smile, which I now guessed was the tomatoes, but I continued to stare at him. I couldn't help but wonder why he was so easy going all of a sudden. Did last night's kiss have anything to do with his newly found interest in talking to me, in actually joking with me in his kitchen? Last night I had thought he was completely wasted and didn't even recognize who I was. But now he seemed completely at ease in the kitchen that surrounded us, and was very much completely sober.

As I turned back to pour my coffee a thought struck me. Did he even remember what had happened last night? Was he acting stranger than usual because he did remember? Or was I thinking of his actions as strange because I expected him to remember and have a completely different reaction?

"So, uh…" How does one go about asking something like this? "How's the hangover?" I looked over at him but he kept going at his work. "Last night… you were pretty wasted."

It took him a few long seconds, but he _did_ answer. "I'm fine. I took a Tylenol when I woke up; it's just a minor headache now."

"Great. You're not really mad at me for staying the night, are you? I just didn't trust Jake with handling you. He was pretty drunk himself."

Edward stopped what he was doing and turned to look at me. "Yeah, I vaguely remember you helped me last night. I guess the fact that I don't remember much means I was pretty much fucked up, huh? Thanks for…" His expression turned rigid as he realized what he was saying, "No, if you came in here expecting a 'Thank you' from me, then you're out of luck."

"No, of course I'm not," I paused briefly, "I just wanted to make sure you were alright. Heck, even Brady called, and he seemed pretty worried."

"You guys are over reacting. I was fine. I didn't need your help, Jasper, I am able to tuck myself into my own bed, you know."

I stared at him in shock. First of all because he obviously didn't remember the condition he had been in last night. He could barely move his fucking legs in a straight line! And second because I was wondering why he was being so defensive all of a sudden. Also, at something completely different from what I had expected. "But, do you actually remember the entire night? I mean, you don't seem like you do…"

"What the fuck, Jasper? What's with the interrogation?"

"Edward, I need to know."

"Need to know what-"

"Think back, do you remember the aspirin?" I asked and felt myself starting to grow impatient.

"Aspirin? What? Okay, you gave me an aspirin, so what?"

"Well, after that, you… well you just… you don't remember anything?"

He sighed in annoyance probably from my lack of being able to form actual sentences, but he took a deep breath to calm himself.

"Please, Edward, think about it."

"Okay, fine." He squinted, his eyes as if trying to picture last night. "I remember somehow I ended up in my underwear…" He glared at me.

"Yeah…" I edged, trying to bypass the unimportant details.

"Oh yeah, now I remember the aspirin, and then I got under the covers." He paused for a minute, thinking. "Then you closed the lights. Jasper, is that fucking enough? Why do you need to torture my memory; I was perfectly fine not remembering last night! Why is this imp-" I watched him stop midsentence, his face blanking as he remembered it.

I held my breath at the suspense, and almost wanted to close my eyes, as if that would shield and protect me from his raging reaction.

"What- Why- Jasper- did you KISS me!" He exploded and of course blamed me like I'd expected.

"No! I didn't kiss you, Edward! YOU kissed ME."

"WHAT!" His expression turned instantly from glaring to incredulous.

"Yeah. Don't you fucking lay this one on me because you're the one who was drunk and didn't know up from down. I was simply trying to get you to sleep and you just kissed me!"

"I can't even imagine this," He pinched the bridge of his nose. "Let alone fucking remember it. Are you making this up? Because if you are, it's a sick joke."

"Edward, are you even listening to yourself? Why the fuck would I make something like this up! Do you think I like riling you up and having you bitch at me like this?"

"Well-"

"I fucking don't!"

"Then why did you tell me! You're being so manipulative." He threw his hands up in frustration.

"What? You would have preferred if I kept something like this a secret from you? Are you serious?"

"Well, no but… Well, I don't fucking know! I was the drunk one! Why didn't you stop me! You could have done something!" He was pacing the kitchen but suddenly stopped and pointed at me accusingly, "You took advantage of me!"

I stared at him in disbelief. Instead of denying it and proving my innocence I took a deep breath and decided to be the calm one. "Edward, shut the fuck up for a second. You're acting as if we had sex for hours on end. It was just a kiss that took about as much time as it took for me to react and be able to push you away!"

Edward stared at me but not in anger anymore. Confusion and gloom clouded his eyes and I stood there, waiting for some time of response. He finally opened his mouth but only said, "Fine."

"Okay…"

"What… how… what happened…? I mean, I just, kissed you! Did you encourage me to do it or something? How long was it?" He seemed to be thinking out loud but at the last question seemed to linger in the air as he looked at me when he said it, rather than staring through me like before.

"What? Are you serious?"

"Yeah, Jasper, how fucking long was it?"

"I don't fucking know, I don't remember. Does it even matter?"

"Yea, it does! Just try to remember!" He insisted so I reluctantly thought back to the night.

"Well, to be honest, I'm not sure you could even call it a kiss." He stared at me in disbelief and I added, "You sort of… fell asleep… against me…"

I wasn't sure how I sounded out loud, but in my head I sounded like a bat-shit crazy drunk guy on crack. When Edward didn't say anything I looked up to see him trying, but failing, to disguise his giggle.

"What the fuck?" I muttered, though I couldn't help but smile at his childish reaction to it.

He opened his mouth to say something but another round of laughter over took him. Finally he was realizing how unimportant this kiss was. To him, at least.

Before I could say more, a deeper voice came from behind Edward, "Mind filling me in on the joke?"

Edward and I both jumped at the sight of Jacob filling up the entire entrance to the kitchen. "Oh fuck, Jake!" Edward beat me to it and Jake laughed at our horrified expressions.

"How long have you been standing there?" I asked.

He just winked and turned around and laughed, muttering, "Gay people," under his breath as he shook his head and walked back into his bedroom.

_**J**_

It was Sunday night, and I was walking down the streets of midtown Seattle, looking for my favorite bar. It was one of those places with a cozy atmosphere, and bartenders that treated you as if you'd been their friends for years, even though it was a pretty big place. There were a million booths placed in circles around the squared bar and with plenty of bar stools for the available people. I'd come here a lot since I had stumbled randomly upon it some months back.

I ordered a beer once I got there, and sat down on a bar stool waiting for a chance to offer itself. I needed to fuck someone to get that damn kiss out of my head. God, I was becoming such a pussy!

Eventually I got bored. I'd scrutinized the entire crowd three times to find someone worthy to fuck senseless, but with no luck. Nobody caught my attention and I got up to leave. I went to the rack to pull on my coat when a blonde girl brushed past me, who left an exciting scent of sex behind her.

"Hey cutie," I called after her.

She swiftly turned around eyeing me carefully. "Yes?"

I took a second to take her in. She was eighteen – may be nineteen – and she had a nice body, curvy in the right places, although she was very petite. Her face was even pretty. She had a straight nose and full lips with a hint of blush on her cheeks. Her hair was short and blonde and her eyes were a dull grey, which I found a bit boring. She was dressed in a tight shirt making her boobs look a lot bigger than they probably were, along with a pair of regular black jeans and ankle boots. All in all, this was as good as it would get tonight.

Should I pull the James Bond 'I must be dreaming'? No, she was too worthless for that, and she didn't look like she'd be that much of a challenge to seduce. "You must be new around here. I haven't seen you before. I'm Jasper,"

"I am," She said and seemed a little taken aback. "I just moved here from Texas. Nice to meet you, I'm Charlotte."

I immediately recognized the accent and only now noticed how tan and delicious her skin was. "Oh really? Well, that must be _some_ change. But I suppose from the way your smiling so gorgeously; you enjoy it here, don't you?"

"But you haven't even seen me smile," She said confusedly, and as expected she couldn't help but smile saying it.

"I know," I grinned. "I was just assuming. But now that I've seen it, I can confirm my suspicions."

She laughed, and I couldn't help but grimace inside myself at how screechy her voice sounded. But _fuck yeah_. This girl was going to be easy. She was already batting her lashes at me, and had absently taken a step closer to me.

"Are you leaving?" I asked her.

"I don't know. Are you?"

"Depends on you," I smirked.

"Well, then I say we get out of here."

I flashed her my most charming smile, and went to pay my tab at my favorite bartender. We grabbed our coats, and I found myself wishing I'd actually brought my car, so we wouldn't have to walk. But I'd been drinking at least five beers, so maybe it had been a good idea not to after all.

I don't remember what we talked about walking back to my apartment, but neither did I care the slightest bit. All I knew was that we were rubbing ourselves against each other, mouths locked and hands all over each other as we made our way through the door to my apartment. I showed her the way to my bedroom and told her to make herself comfortable as I went to the bathroom to take a piss.

She was strewn across my bed when I came in. She'd pulled off her jeans and the tight top she'd been wearing, showing off a matching set of lace underwear in a light turquoise color.

"You're overdressed," She mumbled and sat up straight.

"Then come help me,"

Obediently she got out of the bed, and was about to take my shirt off, but I pulled her in for a hard kiss and pressed myself to her, making her stumble backwards and onto the bed again. I ripped my shirt off, and grasped her boobs with both of my hands, giving them a tight squeeze. Her breathing turned rougher and I leaned in to attack her neck with my lips. She reached behind herself to unlock her bra, and made it join the pile of clothes on the floor. After some furious kissing, she lifted herself up from the bed with her hands, and pushed her panties down revealing her neatly shaved pussy, while I hurriedly got out of my jeans along with my boxers. As I looked down at her, not disappointed at all with how her body turned out to be underneath her layer of clothes, but extremely regretting ever bringing her home, as she just wasn't doing it for me right now. I refused to admit to myself why. She noticed how my mood fell and frowned for a moment before pulling me onto the bed to start licking her way down my chest, stomach and for last my cock. I steered my thoughts towards her nice body, and focused on the way her ass moved as she bobbed her head and licked my cock to life.

"I think I'm ready now, cutie," I panted after a few moments.

Her teeth glistened in the dark as she smiled, and moved up to my mouth. Her scent mixed with my own tasted weird and very different but somehow still quite intriguing. I reached down her body as we continued kissing and slipped two fingers inside her, a bit surprised at how wet and ready she was, since I hadn't really done anything to her. Oh well…

I turned her, and ordered her to lay back and lift her legs and she automatically wrapped them around my neck. She responded audibly with a loud moan when I slid my cock inside her, and my self confidence was now completely regained. She was tighter than I'd expected, and I found myself actually enjoying it. I started out with a slow pace, letting her get used to me, but she got desperate pretty quickly.

"More," She groaned and grasped the sheets on my bed in both of her fists. She was getting impatient.

I quickened the pace, and her moans increased accordingly. Normally I would've switched positions, making the pleasure last longer, tease her a bit. But I wasn't in a mood for that. I didn't want to prolong this, since I just wanted to get off without having to do it myself, since I knew that would take a lot more concentration on my part. Mostly I was afraid of which direction my fantasies would have steered.

She was screaming my name at the top of her lungs only five minutes later, as my trusts became harder and accurately hit her spot. I felt the tightening of mussels around me as she arched her back beneath me and came. I came only seconds later, feeling my spurts of sperm filling her up. I pulled out of her, and she reached down to lick my softening cock clean. When she was done, I got out of the bed with no hesitation. She looked up at me questioningly, but I just pulled on my boxers, and collected her pieces of clothes. I tossed the bundle at her, and gazed intently at her.

"Can't I stay the night?" She whispered. The vulnerability in her voice was so obvious, but I really didn't care. This was obviously not something she had done a lot, if ever; I could tell. Not because it was weird that she wanted to stay the night, but from the way she talked so shyly.

I walked up to her and kneeled in front of her on the bed. "This was great, cutie. I hope I never see you again," I said and kissed her forehead. She gaped at me, but I just left her to herself, while I went to get some food in the kitchen. I could feel my stomach screaming for anything to fill up the emptiness.

One minute and twenty-three seconds later I heard the girl, whose name I couldn't recall, trot out of my bedroom, through the hallway and slamming the front door behind her. I didn't want to see her again, so I hadn't turned around to look.

_**J**_

The week was passing by pretty well. In fact, I think I might've started believing in god or something because as it turned out, he fucking loves me.

I came home Thursday after a research project at UW to find a voice message on my phone. The message was from Village Voice Media's department in Seattle; I'd applied for an internship they were offering sophomore college students who'd chosen journalism as their major before my first semester began. It said that they had to talk to me about some details regarding my internship application and to call them on a number they left, as soon as possible.

I crossed my fingers as I waited while the ring tone played in my ear, hoping that the 'details' were not just a simple apology for not being accepted.

"Hello, this is Gianna, Heidi Bäcker's secretary at Voice Media's department in Seattle, how may I help you?"

"I'm Jasper Whitlock… You called earlier and left a message for me to call you on this number."

"Oh, that's right. Mr. Whitlock, we just wanted to inform you that we've received your apply to the internship we're offering here for our Junior Journalists department, and that we would love to have you here."

"Oh!" I chimed, "Wow, thanks. When am I starting?"

"I was hoping you could make it over here in about an hour for some briefing. From the information in your apply, we've put you in the arts section, so our art journalists will introduce you to everything and tell you everything you need to know."

"Sure, I'll be there! That sounds really great,"

"Alright, bye for now,"

"Okay, bye,"

I couldn't help but jump a little in my seat in excitement. This was more than I'd hoped for and this even meant that if I did well, they'd offer me a job once I'd graduated. As soon as I'd ended my call with the secretary I dialed my mom's number, since I knew she'd be the one who'd be most excited about the news apart from myself.

My mom and I had always been great together. Not many people felt the same way about their moms as I did with mine, but I seriously loved to hang out with her. She'd gotten Rose and I at a young age, so she was still pretty young. She'd turned thirty-eight a few months back, although she still looked like she was in her late twenties. She had pale blonde hair, green eyes, tan skin and in her younger days she looked like a freaking supermodel. No wonder my dad had fallen so hard for her. But the thing I loved the most about her was obviously her personality – she was so creepily alike me. And if the rule about opposites attracts counted, then my mom and I must have been the exception. The only difference between us was that she was a hell of a lot smarter than me, and probably also twice as mature. Well, that wouldn't be a surprise to anyone.

"Jasper, my darling," She said, "You usually don't call at these times, is something wrong?"

"Hey, mom. No, everything is absolutely fine, more than fine actually. I got answer from the apply I sent to Village Voice media!"

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah, their secretary is real nice,"

"Enough with the chatter, darling, what did they say?"

"They'd love to have me, of course," I grinned nonchalantly, "They want me in for a briefing in about an hour."

"Wow! That is great news. But you better do good, Jasper, turn all your charm on! Otherwise they're not gonna want to look at your face when you've graduated,"

"Chill, Mom, I've got this. Trust me,"

"Alright, darling," She said, "I'll tell your dad, so you don't have to bother calling him. I'm sure you're as busy as ever. You always are," _Yeah, Mom, I used to be busy screwing tricks 24/7, but I think I'm crushing on Edward Cullen now, so I can barely gather enough excitement to fuck anyone anymore…_

"Err, yeah, I'll call you later with an update,"

"Great, I'll talk to you then. Have fun, alright?"

"I always am, tell dad I said hi. Bye mom!"

"Bye, darling,"

I hung up and sighed at the realization that Edward seemed to pop up into my thoughts in the most unlikely of moments.

When I'd arrived at Village Voice Media, I'd been followed to a big meeting room where a lot of people were already seated. I small talked with a few before the last ones arrived, so the briefing could begin.

The briefing was basically the editor, Heidi the youngest editor they'd ever had, telling us new comers how the whole system worked. Village Voice Media was the publisher of Seattle Weekly and she even told us a bit about the history of the paper since it was first published in 1976. But I mostly concentrated on Heidi's ass throughout that part. She was nicely proportioned with mahogany hair and a cleavage that usually would've made me drool. I estimated her to be in her late twenties, but she was still sexy as hell. What to do?

I obeyed orders as she told us to follow the journalists for the section we were put in. My section had two journalists. Demetri was one of them. He had black hair, olive skin tone and a slightly traceable Greek accent. A smirk was always plastered to his face, and he obviously liked to joke around, which I didn't mind at all. I could already sense the two of us would get along great. The other journalist was named Katrina, but I was instructed to call her Kate. Kate was kind of extraordinary. She had pale blonde hair, pale skin and pretty brown eyes. She was taller than most, only an inch or two shorter than me, and she pretty much scared the shit out of me with her icy voice and almost sparkly skin.

"Don't worry, Jasper," Demetri laughed as he walked me out and they were done informing and touring me, "She's really nice once you get to know her. She might seem a little… scary at first though. But that's what's make her such a damn good journalist!"

He patted me on the back, I thanked him and he sent me off.

I'd called Jacob to come pick me up, because it'd gotten a lot colder as the sun had set a long time ago. We picked up some pizza from our favorite place Romio's, and ate it with Seth although he said he'd be fine making something himself. But none of them asked questions, and if they had, I probably wouldn't have answered anyway. No one had to know why I was avoiding the particular apartment Edward lived in.


	5. Chapter 5

**WARNING**: If you are under the age of 18, you are advised to please leave this page now. This story has course language, adult material, and graphic scenes.

**DISCLAIMER**: If you hadn't noticed, most characters belong to SM, we just play around with them for our own, and people's, entertainment.

**A/N: **Thank you for the wonderful reviews we've received. We really appreciate it! And to those of you who's been confused about Edward and his actions, we hope this chapter will bring you some understanding and compassion with his character. Enjoy!

* * *

**Edward**

**5. Pants**

"Dude! What the fuck!"

I didn't register the surprised voice screaming as my dream started to heat up and reach its very much anticipated climax. My oh-so wonderful dream. I did however feel the rough shove that pushed me off the couch. I fell onto the floor before I could react, but luckily I'd been cuddling with my pillow so it cushioned my face first fall to the already soft carpet.

I opened my eyes and sat up to see Jacob kneeling beside me, "My bad, you okay?"

"Yeah…" I looked around and realized I must have dozed off again as we were watching TV. "What…"

"Sorry dude. You were having that creepy gay dream again. I had to wake you," he shuddered and sat back up on the couch.

I looked at him in surprise, "How did you know?" Did I manage to say anything out loud this time? Fuck…

"You were making that weird kissy face again… fuck, dude, you have to stop doing that, it's creepy as hell."

I sighed and calmed myself down, knowing this was nothing new to him. "Sorry Jake, I can't help it,"

"You know I love you man, but all this sexual tension building up in you… I mean, you have to take care of it - in private obviously. Besides, you have a boyfriend now, what are you waiting for?"

Oh right, he thought I was day dreaming about Embry…

"That's easier said than done. Embry is really special to me; we have to take it slow."

"Not when it leads to you making out with your pillow every night."

I sighed; he didn't know the least of it. "Don't worry, I'll work on that," I got up and left the living room because I couldn't explain to him what was going on. I couldn't tell anyone. Hell, I even regretted thinking about it at that moment.

I regretted thinking about Jasper. And the kiss. The kiss that happened between Jasper and I. The Jasper that when finally pushed out of my life for a second, popped up like a jack in the box the other.

I collapsed face first into my bed and whisper-bellowed into my pillow.

Ever since the night last week when I ended so fucked up that I'd gotten the idea to kiss Jasper, despite my blood deep hatred of him, I'd been having even more fucked up dreams, nightmares really, about me and him sucking faces in different situations and with different sensations. I hated myself for having these spontaneous dreams and god knew how many times I'd tried to race them out of my system, but nothing seemed to heal me. The kiss was now forever engrained in my head.

Of course, I didn't admit to Jasper that I remembered it. I couldn't even think about the amount of questions and harassments I knew this simple piece of information would pull out of him. Honestly, I had been completely out of my element during the night, but ever since the next morning in the kitchen when he cornered me and forced the memories out of me, I couldn't stop thinking about it. I couldn't stop wondering what the hell I was thinking while I was doing it. Was I literally _that _thankful for his help that I had to share a kiss with him, or could I safely say that I was drunk enough to not realize it was Jasper, and that there was no problem kissing someone on the lips? But, who was I kidding, I'm Edward Cullen, I don't spontaneously kiss _anyone_ on the lips.

So, I settled for beating myself over it every time I had this uninvited dream, and temporarily eliminating the memory by thinking about something else. Someone else, to be more specific. Embry. I always unconsciously sigh whenever I think about him. He literally made me feel like a teenage girl. He was perfect, and the relationship he jumped into with me was perfect.

After our first date at Rosalie's birthday party I thought I gave the wrong impression and that he wouldn't want to be with a guy who always made excuses. I was proven wrong when he took me out the next day and was able to walk all over my boundaries like no one was ever able to. Well, that was an exaggeration. I'd practically eliminated all my mental walls that I'd spent years creating because I desperately needed that new freedom that I knew Embry could give me. I wanted to be able to kiss him every time I saw him and to talk with him about anything and everything. I loved Rosalie with all my heart, and I even loved Brady as my new friend too, but spending quality time and cuddling with Embry had become my new hobby. I loved it.

Jacob interrupted my thoughts as he poked his head into my room and said that he was going out to meet some friends somewhere. I realized that I had enough of day dreaming and loving my life too much, so I decided I needed to get up and do something productive with my life. I tried to get some work done on a research project for school but I couldn't get myself to concentrate. I knew that if I kept going with the bullshit I was writing, I would make myself redo it later anyways, so I gave up. I grabbed my phone and, knowing that it was way past Embry's working hours, I dialed his number and waited patiently but eagerly.

He answered on the second dial, "Hey, baby,"

My smile widened as I blushed; I don't think I would ever get tired of him calling me that. Or of any name of endearment, for that matter. "Hey, I missed you," Since Embry and I had 'gotten together' I'd been letting myself out of my shell and allowed myself to express feelings I had never disclosed before. I loved that I was able to tell him whatever I was feeling, without feeling embarrassed. Honestly, I was quite proud of myself at the progress.

"Edward, I know it's only been a couple of days since we saw each other, but do you mind if we do something tonight?"

Bingo! "Yes! I mean, I absolutely do not mind. I was calling hoping for just that, actually." I smiled at how easily life was playing out.

I heard his soft chuckle before he said, "Great, I can't wait to see you again,"

"Same here. But… I was thinking we just spend the evening indoor. You know, order take out and relax…?" I wasn't sure how he'd respond to my request, since usually I'd let him decide on what we did together, usually going out to restaurants or watching a movie.

"Sure, that's a wonderful idea." I couldn't hear any aversion in his voice, so I calmed down and fiddled with the texture of my shirt. "But I have got some errands to run but I can make it to your place at around seven, the latest?"

"Sure, that's perfect."

"Okay, I'll see you then,"

"Yup, bye,"

After hanging up with Embry I got this energetic buzz that made me happy and excited. I got up and started cleaning up the little mess I had in my room. After I was left with too much time on my hands, I decided to tidy up the entire apartment and thanked god I thought of doing so because Jacob and I had left quite a large mess from our at-home-brunch session this morning. After realizing that I still had forty five minutes before Embry arrived, I decided to waste my time by taking a shower. I kept the water on cold in an attempt to calm down my extra hyper mood and quickly got out and into my favorite sweat pants and V-neck in time to give my hair enough time to air dry.

Once the doorbell finally rang I ran up to it and attacked Embry as soon as the door was swung wide enough. He chuckled against my lips and I faintly blushed. Once we were both breathless, I pulled away and smiled, "How was your day?"

"It's been great. Almost done with the case I've been working on all week. The guy I told you about, Robert, he's pretty fucking crazy. I and my two partners have been trying to digest this case but some criminals have some fucking brains."

He talked as we walked to the living room and settled on the couch, but stopped as soon as he realized I was staring at him the whole time, "What?"

"Did I ever tell you how hot you are when you talk about your job?"

He grinned, "Actually, I don't think you ever have."

Before I could respond, he leaned in to give me a more tongue friendly kiss than the one we'd shared at the door.

For the rest of the night, we just snuggled and talked about random things. He continued talking about his job and I told him about the interesting people I'd met while working at the coffee shop. The night started off pretty smoothly and quietly. It amazed me how much Embry was willing to bend his expectations in order to make me happy. I could tell he wasn't the stay at home and snuggle type of guy. But right now it felt like the most wonderful thing to be folded up against his chest and just enjoying his presence.

As time went by though, I remembered the real reason that I had invited him over, and started to feel energetic and my fingers fiddled with the hem of his shirt on their own accord. _Would it be too awkward if I randomly started groping him?_

I casually started to trace the outline of his chest through the one layer of his shirt. He shuddered beneath me and I looked up to see him looking down at me with a smile plastered on his face. I leaned up to place a kiss on his lips but stayed there for longer than usual, loving the firmness of his lips. His moan spurred me on as I pushed myself completely up and threw the afghan off of us. I straddled his thighs as he wound his arms around my waist and I laced both my hands in his hair.

After what seemed like an eternity of innocent kisses, he finally let me attack his mouth with my tongue and I took control of the kiss. As I started to trail open mouthed kisses across his jaws, he dropped his hands to grip my hips and eagerly pushed me forward. I complied by scooting further into his lap until I rested my jean clad crotch against his. I felt myself grow at the contact and moaned as I started to grind myself against him.

I was on a roll as I kissed Embry wantonly and continued to grind our hips together. I could tell he was surprised at my sudden forcefulness, but he also liked it. He was thrusting his hips up to meet mine in sync and we both moaned and grunted into each other's mouths.

After a few minutes, he pulled his head away in order to breath, but I kept traveling with my lips down his neck and across his chest. "Fuck, Edward, you're really into it tonight."

"Mmm…" I sat up and grinned, "It doesn't feel like you mind." I rolled my hips against his for emphasis and he smiled back in anticipation. I reach down to grab the hem of his shirt and pulled it up in quick motion.

I leaned down to place kisses across the expanse of his furry chest but groaned when he stopped me after a few seconds. "Edward, we'd better get into your room, we don't want anyone to walk in on us like last time."

As he reached for the remote to close the TV, I giggled as I remembered last Friday when we'd come home from watching a movie and were ready to go at it, just when Rosalie and Emmett walked in on us when we'd both lost our shirts.

Embry picked me up with very little effort, and I wrapped my legs around his waist for balance. He walked us to my room but I didn't use that as an excuse to stop my actions. I kissed him with so much passion that had appeared from nowhere. I'd never really taken the lead in these make out sessions, but I was starting to feel good about today.

Once he'd laid me down on my bed I stripped out of my shirt and then reached for his. As soon as he was topless I rolled him onto his back and climbed on top of him. I started my journey across his chest and felt his hand circle around my hair to hold me closer. When I reached the hem of his jeans, I felt brave and started to leave more kisses across the edge as I fumbled with opening the zipper and undoing the button. As soon as I got them opened, Embry lifted his head and looked at me questioningly,

"Edward, are you sure?"

"Fuck, yeah, we've waited way too long,"

"Babe, I just don't want to rush you or anything…"

"You're not, trust me, I really want this. I need to see you, like, right now,"

I smiled and brought my hungry eyes back to the area I was working on and motioned for him to lift his hips so I can release him from these confining jeans. He did as I wanted and I rolled the pants all the way off of his toned legs and threw them to the floor. I crawled back between his legs and found myself face to face with the huge monster in his tight black fitted boxer briefs.

_Fuck; sure we'd dry humped before, but was it always this big?_

I looked up at Embry who had now placed a pillow under his head and was now watching me intently, a smile playing on his lips in anticipation for the new territory we were entering.

He must have read the hesitance that was written all over my face because he sat up and grabbed my face to kiss me. He pushed my back up to the top of the bed as we kissed and I regained my confidence.

Before I could do anything though, I felt him lay me down on the bed and whisper, "Your turn baby," before giving me the same attention I gave him by trailing hot kisses all over my chest and abdomen for a few short minutes. I reveled in the wonderful sensation and didn't even notice that he had unbuttoned my pants until I felt a tugging against my butt. I looked down as I raised my hips off the bed and as Embry took off my pants and also threw them on the floor beside my bed. He crawled up my body by placing kisses from my shins, along my legs, and up my thighs.

My breathing sped up in expectation and I found it hard to keep looking so I closed my eyes and threw my head back into my pillows.

There was a long pause before I felt Embry's lips gently place a kiss on the base of my cock. I felt myself twitch in my briefs but my heart sped up in an unnerving way. I patted his shoulders before he could do anything more and said, "Wait, Embry,"

He looked up in worry and I grabbed his face to pull him to eye level. "What's wrong, Edward, did I do something?" His eyes raced across my face to look for signs, and I kicked myself in the head for being so foolish. Everything he was doing was absolutely great; I was just fucking over reacting _again. _

"No, no… everything is perfect. I just… just need a minute… sorry," I looked away in embarrassment.

"Hey, hey," he pulled my head back to face him and placed a peck on my lips, "take all the time you need. We're taking baby steps here, remember."

He kissed me lovingly for a few seconds then pulled back to look into my eyes. He laid back on and brought me up with him. I laid my head on his chest and he asked, "Edward, I know you didn't want to talk about this before, but… have you ever…"

I shook my head and said, "No. Well, yes, but… we didn't…" I took a well needed deep breath and sat up to look at him.

"I told you about James, remember?" he simply nodded so I continued. "Well, he was the closest to a boyfriend I have ever gotten. But now, I wouldn't even call him that. Last year was our senior year in high school, he was a jock, and played for the school's football team and I was an average kid at school, but I always went to see the games with Rose, because Jacob also played. Anyways, long story short; we started fooling around, kissing, fondling, and stuff. We hid that from everybody by saying that we were just friends. We agreed that neither of us wanted any one to know, since we were both in the closet.

"Well, we'd gotten only as far as the occasional blow job, but after a few months of this, prom was coming up and he asked this girl out, to make a show in front of the school. And then they started to kiss in the hallways, and I just got fed up with everything. I told him I wanted to have nothing to do with him from then on. I was disgusted with myself, with hiding in the dark with a boy. Holding our big secret just became unbearably heavy on my chest all of a sudden.

"Ever since James, I can literally just count the number of guys that I have kissed on one hand. I know I'm completely inexperienced, and haven't ever had sex before." I buried my head in the crook in his neck because I wasn't able to face the possible rejection that would be written all over his face.

There was a moment of silence and I cringed inside myself as I waited for the harsh words I was sure I would be here. "Edward," he gently lifted my head to look at him and I sighed and looked up. "That is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. So you've only ever had a blowjob from one man. That only makes you more special. As for not having sex, Christ Edward, you're not even twenty yet; you have plenty of time ahead of you before you need to worry about your abilities in bed. And I would love nothing more, than to teach you everything you would like to know."

"OH FUCK, YEAH!" I screamed at the top of my lungs as I raced through my orgasm.

I held Embry's head to my crotch tightly with one hand and the head board of my bed with the other. He stilled his motions as I came in spurts down his throat.

It was fucking heaven. My body collapsed and I rolled over and laid limp beside Embry as I stared at the ceiling in amazement. I felt Embry crawl up my body and I invited his lips to mine with pleasure. I sighed in content and closed my eyes.

_I was having the best morning ever. _

After Embry and I had exchanged blowjobs last night, I was completely spent and fell asleep before I would even ask him to stay over. I woke up very surprised as I realized he was still in bed with me and waking me up with soft kisses peppered across my entire backside. Of course having found new light in the art of blowjobs I took control as I rolled over and did something that I would never have thought I was capable of. I rolled over and pinned Embry to the bed as he took my already hard rod into his warm mouth. I felt like a completely different person as I started fucking his mouth and marveled in the best feeling I had ever felt in my nineteen years on this planet.

As I was drifting into a day dream, trying to prolong the sensation and not wanting to give up this perfect moment, Embry had different plans. He brought his hand up to caress my cheek and whispered, "Baby?"

"Mhmm?" I hugged myself to him and snuggled my head deeper into the crook of his neck.

"Babe..." he pushed against my shoulders.

"Whaaaat!" I lifted my head and looked at him irritably. Couldn't a guy have a moment of peace after the best fucking orgasm of his life?

"Are you expecting someone?"

"What do you mean?"

"There's someone knocking on the front door…"

I turned my head towards my opened bedroom and sure enough, heard knocking and a muffled voice. "Fuck, who could that be? Rose and Jacob are out, I'm sure of it. Besides, they have keys…"

"Well, we'd better get up, don't you think,"

"Oh crap." I jumped out of bed as soon as I realized that we were naked in bed with the door to my room open just enough for anybody standing in the hallways to see us.

Embry had a cautious look on his face as he stood up after me. But that didn't stay for long as we both heard the inevitable sound of keys being turned in the lock. Fuck.

"Edward? Rose? Anybody body home?" My heart stopped as I heard my mom's voice come from outside.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

I ran to my door and slammed it shut and noticed Embry trying to look around for his pants. My mom's voice got nearer and I whispered loudly, "There's no fucking time. Here," I handed him his boxers from the floor and hurriedly pushed him into my walk-in closet.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. My mom was here.

_Here. _In Seattle!_ Fucking hell._

I put on my own boxers in haste and tried to clear up the mess that was my bed to make it look like I was simply sleeping in, rather than literally fucking around.

"Edward, are you in there, honey?" My mom's voice was right outside my door as she knocked twice.

"Uh, yeah, one sec!"

I shoved the lube into my bedside table and slammed it shut. My mom barged into my room without much patience just as I had expected. I turned around and saw her enter the room cautiously, as if that would make a difference.

She found me standing in the middle of my room, in my boxers, trying to act natural. "Hey, Mom... What are you doing here?" I resisted the urge to look at my closet in reassurance that Embry was safe because I knew that would give us away.

"Well, it seemed you completely forgot I existed. You haven't called for almost a month, I thought I'd come by and see you for myself," she smiled. "But Edward, it's Sunday morning, shouldn't you be out and about, exploring the world. At least be out of bed by now," she shook her head as she unconsciously walked around my room while eyeing my half naked body sceptically.

"Well, school's been hectic; I was just… taking the day off… catch up on some lost sleep…" I shrugged.

"I see," she glanced around the room and I nervously shifted my weight from leg to leg. "Well, I'll give you a few minutes to get dressed then."

Her voice fainted as her eyes focused on something to my side and I immediately followed her gaze. My heart sank as I realized she found Embry's jeans lying on the floor near my bed. Her head tilted as she walked up to them and picked them up by the waist.

_Fuuuck_. God, kill me now.

"Edward, these seem to be _much_ too large for you. I'm guessing this belongs to Jacob? How did they get in here?"

"Uhm, I don't know… I–"

"You know, Rose _has_ been mentioning that you need some help in the fashion department. I'm gunna be here for the next few days, we should go out," she folded the jeans neatly as she spoke and hung them on her arm.

"Yeah, Mom, that's actually a great idea. We could go out right now, if you'd like," I hoped that she'd agree to leave, so Embry would have an escape route. "But do you think you could just give me a few minutes alone to change?"

"Hm, sure, Honey. Let me see what sort of clothes you already have. You need to look good when you're around me," she winked at me and turned to walk towards my closet.

FUCK.

"Uh, Mom, please don't, it's really messy in–"

I barely took two steps towards her before she opened the closet and we both found a boxer clad Embry looking slightly uncomfortable and way too big for the little closet.

I watched in slow motion as my mom's eyes widened as she looked up at Embry, and then lowered her gaze along his almost naked body. She turned slowly to look at me, surprise clearly written all over her face. I was frozen in place, not knowing what to expect from her.

This was definitely _not_ how I intended for my mom to figure out about my sexual orientation. I tried to think of a way to explain this without giving anything away but came up empty handed. There was no going back, and it would at least take me an hour of soothing words to calm her down. If she'd even let me soothe her at all.

My mom continued to slowly assess the situation as she looked around the room with new understanding in her eyes. Her gaze ended up on my bed as she took in the messed up sheets and remembered that it was almost noon. She looked down to the pants in her hands and back to Embry who was now trying to control his expression, although regret and sympathy did over take his features. Her eyes finally landed on mine and I saw many emotions that had managed to gather up in a matter of seconds. Comprehension, confusion, worry, rejection, fury, sadness, and more confusion.

I saw her eyes blur and a sudden tear fall onto her cheek. My heart broke as I saw her helpless expression and I almost screamed in anger at knowing that I was the cause of this reaction; of her sorrow. I wanted to go up to her and hug her. Tell her that everything was going to be okay. But I was afraid of her reaction to that and didn't want to upset her more, if that was possible.

I noticed her mouth was opening and moving as if she wanted to say something. "M-Mom?" I croaked.

"I'm s-sorry, I uh… I'm so sorry. I didn't… I mean, I didn't know… Edward…" more tears ran down her cheeks as she struggled for words. I had never seen my mom this strained. But I was also confused as to why she was trying to apologize for something.

Before I could do anything else though, she reached to wipe her face and dropped the pants on my bed. She hurried past me and through the door before I could even make a move. I stood there in shock as I watched the empty space in the hallway where she disappeared.

I heard Embry easily exit my _damned closet_ while I was standing there, being forced out of it. To my mom. One of the _most important_ people in my life.

"Edward…" I turned around as my brain started to shut down and I felt tears form in my eyes. "Baby, please don't cry," I looked at his sympathetic face and a tear fell as he walked up and pulled me into his strong embrace. I couldn't believe what had just happened in such a short time. "Everything is going to be okay."

His soothing voice seemed to trigger my anger as I pulled back. "No, nothing is okay! She found out! My mom! Found out that I'm gay! And it wasn't even a simple, 'I'm gay'. She caught us! She fucking came in while we were both naked! Jesus! What have I done...? I'm such a horrible son." I slumped onto my bed and buried my face in my hands. This was by far, _the worst day of my life._

Embry started to put on his jeans that were the key to my mom finding out about me. I glared at them, knowing that if she hadn't seen them; I could have possibly made up an excuse for her to leave the room. I looked up at Embry as he put on his shirt, awkwardly brushed his fingers through his hair and said, "I'm sorry that this happened the way it did. Truly, I apologize for even putting you at risk like this."

My breath caught in my throat because I didn't know how to reply. I knew this wasn't his fault at all. It was my fault for staying in the damn closet for so long. For not standing up to the world and admitting who I really was.

"I'm sorry, Embry. It isn't your fault, and I know it's really not nice to be put in this situation with me. I'm sorry for dragging you into my messed up life."

"Hey, please don't apologize for anything. Everything will be fine, just as soon as you talk it out with your mom. She needs an explanation right now."

I stood up and started pacing the room. "I can't Embry, I can't save this. What am I supposed to do? She hates me now!"

"No, she doesn't hate you, Edward! Your mother loves you. I can tell. Why else would she look broken hearted over something like this? If she really did not accept you, then she would have left the second she saw me. I did not hear the door open though, so I'm assuming she's in the living room waiting for you. You have to be brave, Edward. Go out there and fix this before it becomes a real problem."

I realized that he was right, that my mom was outside and needed me to go out there to explain this mess. I needed to defend myself before she started loathing me.

"I'm going to let myself out while you get dressed, alright?"

I walked up to him and wanted to tell him that he didn't have to leave. But I needed a long time to work this out with my mother. I couldn't promise him anything right now. Not even that I'd survive this upcoming conversation. "Thank you."

"You know I'm here for you any time." He smiled while rubbing my shoulders reassuringly.

I leaned up to kiss him lightly on the lips before he let me go and walked out of my bedroom. I distantly heard the front door open and close quietly before I was faced with the silence in the house and my mom in the other room.

I managed to blindly put on jeans and a t-shirt while thinking of the possible scenarios of what is sure to happen in the next hour. My mom could accept me with open arms and loving embraces and all would be good with the world, but that was a highly unlikely outcome. She would probably hate me forever. My mom had always followed in my dad's footsteps and I was absolutely sure he wouldn't approve of something like this. What if she tells him? She was going to want to confide in somebody and he was going to take advantage of that. He was probably going to hypnotize her into loathing her one and only son and force her away from me. If she didn't already hate what I was, he was going to make sure she despised me by the end of the week.

As I walked out of my room I started building up my protective walls in preparation for the fearful conversation I was walking into.

I walked into the living room and my heart immediately clenched at the site of my mom huddled up to the arm of the couch. She looked so lost in her thoughts; she hadn't even noticed my entrance. I walked around the coffee table in order to sit on the other end of the couch. When she still hadn't noticed me I managed to grab her attention by calling out, "Mom?"

"Huh?" she looked up as if she was awakened from a deep slumber and I cringed at the sight of her red rimmed eyes and tear smeared face. It killed me to know that I was the cause of that. As she registered my pained expression her face scrunched up and she started crying again.

"No, Mom, please don't cry,"

"I'm sorry, Edward, I'm so sorry…"

"For what, you have nothing to be sorry for!"

She didn't say anything as tears continued to run down her face and I couldn't help but move to sit right beside her and gather her in my arms. She placed her head on my chest as she sobbed silently and I took deep breaths to keep from bawling out myself. After a few minutes her shoulders stopped shaking but she stayed in my arms. I took that as a good sign and sigh in relief that she was at least not disgusted by me like I'd expected.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't be crying like this,"

"Everything is gunna be okay, trust me." I noticed my hand had instinctively been gently patting her back when she pulled away and sat up so we were eye leveled.

"Edward, I had no idea. I mean, I should have _known_ right. What kind of mother am I!"

"What, Mom, no! You are the best mother I could have wished for. You can't beat yourself over something like this." I was surprised at the direction the conversation was taking. How did I end up being the one to comfort her? I'd thought she was going to shun me and hate me for not telling her something as important as this. Nonetheless, I still kept my guards up because I knew her furious outburst was still sure to come.

I watched her as she stared at me but looked as though she was looking right through me. "Mom, please tell me what you're thinking?"

"How long have you known?"

"Two years." She cringed at my answer and was about to start crying again. "What's wrong?"

"I just… I hate myself for not being there for you. That you felt you couldn't tell me something like this… I'm so sorry."

I stared at her in confusion. "But… but you're not mad at me?"

"No, honey, why would I be mad?"

"For not telling you…"

"Baby, I do admit your father and I haven't been the most optimistic parents out there. And I don't blame you for not coming to us immediately. I have to say, I'm still quite shocked at this strong piece of information. I need time to wrap my head around it."

"Wait, you're… are you completely fine with it? I mean, you're not … you–"

"Edward, you're my son! I will always love you, you have to know that. No matter what."

"But, I'm gay. I like _men._ Does that not frighten or disgust you?"

She flinched at the mention of the word but she composed her expression. "Well, maybe if you gave me some time, and space, I'll… I'll definitely grow to understand it. To understand you. But Edward, you need to give me that time. Time to process this. I mean, I just walked in on… I mean, I saw… I just need time, Honey. Please?"

"Yeah, of course," I felt my eyebrows crunch in confusion as I tried to understand what my mom's view was. "But, you do know that I'm still me, right? I always was and still am _your _Edward."

"Of course, baby, I love you so much. You have to know that. Please, don't give up on me."

My tongue was tied up in knots so I simply leaned in to give her a hug. She kissed my cheek and I kissed her forehead in return, holding her tightly in my arms.

"Mom…" I whispered after a few minutes. She pulled back and looked at me with fresh tears in her eyes. But she smiled and looked at me in question. "About Dad… well, I… are you going to tell him? I know he might not exactly accept me with open arms like you have…"

"Edward, I'm sure you realize we need to tell him eventually, but I understand where you're coming from. I'll let you be the one to break the news to him, but if you need me there for support or even to break the ice, I'll always be there for you."

"But, I'm still confused at one thing."

"What is it?"

"I always thought that you and dad wouldn't approve of this. Honestly I thought you'd hate me or even convince yourself that I was just going through a phase."

She looked at me with sympathy and didn't know what to say for a minute. "Edward, I have to admit… if you had told me a year ago I probably would have reacted just as you expected. Your father might even react that way right now. But I'm going to be honest with you. Your friend Jasper, he's gay right? Well, for almost a year now I've been a witness to his and his mother's relationship. It kind of brightened my view on… your kind of people. I saw with my own eyes the love that flew between them, and honestly I couldn't imagine anything different. But trust me Edward, I have never been homophobic."

I looked at her in wonder as I thought about what she said. The only thing that I couldn't get over was the fact that Jasper had _yet again_ managed to carve his way into another piece of my life. "But… Dad,"

"Honey, I'll take care of your dad. I won't let him think anything negatively of you, trust me when I tell you I'll try my hardest."

"Thanks, Mom, I love you,"

"I love you too, Edward." She smiled and I scooted over the space that had been separating us to hug her.

I don't know how long we sat there hugging, but for however long it was, it wasn't enough. Hugging her after I'd told her I was gay, was something I thought would never happen. Not even in my wildest dreams. But she'd taken me by surprise, and I felt so relieved. I felt more relieved than I'd ever felt in my life. Today I'd taken the biggest step towards telling the world about who I really was. The next steps would be less painful, because I now knew my mom would have my back no matter what.

My mom suggested we go out for lunch, and I agreed. Rosalie and Jacob would be home soon from their classes and I wasn't ready to let go of the time I had alone with my mom right now. We picked a café that Rose had spoken very fondly of, since Emmett had taken her on a date there. The guy apparently really knew how to pick the perfect location. And Rosalie was right, it was a nice place. A little expensive, but the atmosphere made it worth it. Everything was in a crème coloured white that was very comfortable to look at with rustic dark walls of stone. Big vases of lime flowers were placed in every window, and I liked the way the café was built in multiple levels. I noticed they even had a larger room at the eastern end of the room, probably for bigger dinner parties, and I made a mental note to memorize the name of this place, if the food was as impressive as well, of course.

We settled down at a table by one of the windows that faced the street. I'd always preferred sitting by the window. We shared an antipasto platter for starters, and from the way my mom constantly frowned while we small-talked about how I was doing at school, my new friends and how my new job was working out, I knew something was wrong. She usually loved when I would finally give myself the time to tell her about my life, so I didn't understand when she spaced out and didn't look like she was taking in anything I was saying. I started to think back at her unexpected response to my admission to being gay. Was she simply in shock and was now coming to terms with the fact that I was a disgrace? Was she going to abandon me after all?

After we'd both ordered lamb roasted in spicy chili and chimichurri salsa – our taste buds were always something we'd had in common – I couldn't stand it anymore, and said, "Mom, what's wrong?"

She glanced down in her lap, and fidgeted a little with the napkin. "I haven't told you the reason why I'm here... Well, obviously because I wanted to see you," she looked up at me, "I've really missed you."

"Mom, it's only been, like a month," I placed my hand over hers on the table, and encouraged her to continue.

"You grandmother is sick, Edward," she grimaced.

"_What_?" No. That couldn't be true. My grandma had always been so strong – stronger than anyone I had ever known and that included Rosalie. I'd always been close to my grandma, and she loved me for who I was. I even had a feeling that she knew about my sexuality. My grandma knew everything. She was also one of the only people in the world who could shut up my mom and my dad at the same time, and that alone meant my respect for her would be everlasting. _That_ and the fact that she'd been a key person in founding a ton of women's rights organizations during the 60s, among those the National Organization for Women in the US. The woman _really was_ a badass. I'd seen pictures of her when she was younger and she was a beautiful lady throughout her entire life, even now as well. I could easily imagine her having a ton of followers, both because she was so damn persuasive and because she didn't let anything in the world stop her.

So when my mom said 'sick' that meant she was _really_ sick. Mom had never shared information with me unless it was extremely necessary. But in another perspective, it couldn't be true. My grandma had always been completely healthy since I could remember. _Sick_ would imply that she was unhealthy and that was a completely oxymoron when referring to my grandma…

"Edward?"

I snapped out of my thoughts, but continued to stare dumbfounded at her. "What do you mean, sick?"

"She has a brain tumour. She was diagnosed around two weeks ago. Before that she had been acting different, saying weird strange things randomly and at times could barely walk for more than a few minutes without help or sitting immediately after. The doctors are saying it will probably get worse, but at this point in time the rate is slow, and she's under twenty-four hour surveillance. I'm really sorry we couldn't tell you before; I know how close you are with her. But I wanted to come out and tell you in person."

I blinked my eyes as she stopped talking, staring at her in disbelief. "Can't the doctors do something?" I asked exasperatedly.

"At this point, surgery is impossible. The tumor has spread too far and is impossible to easily catch now. Chemotherapy isn't a possibility, because sure it will fry the cancer, but her brain along with it, so it would be completely pointless and only add to her pain." She fell silent, and so did I.

My mother started playing around with her food but I had absolutely no appetite and I sat there simply staring out the window. After processing the information for I don't know how long, I finally came to a conclusion, "I'm going back with you."

"No, Edward, she–"

"It's not negotiable. She's _my_ grandma, I need to be there with her."

"I understand that, but just hear me out?"

I glared, trying to warn her not to push me on this. She couldn't possibly deny me to visit my grandma to say goodbye? This woman was unbelievably shameless.

"She doesn't want you to come back and see her like this. She requested for you to stay here and remember her as the woman she was,"

"She's still that woman!"

"No, Edward," She said darkly and paused for a while. She took her bag and scrambled in it for something. She pulled out two white envelopes with my name written in black ink on both of them. "She told me to give these to you. She's explained most of what you need to know in the letters, she promised me that. The one without your last name tagged on is for you to read now, the other one she wants you to read when you've graduated from College."

As I reached for the envelopes I realized my hands were shaking. I carefully took them from my mom and clutched my hand tightly around the paper. Once it was in my hand, I felt comforted by the thought that she'd touched these.

"Do you understand what I'm saying, Edward?"

I sighed and ran a hand through my bronze mess of hair. "Yeah, mom... I understand."

We continued talking about my grandma and her disease, but wrapped the subject up pretty quickly; both knowing talking more about it would only depress the both of us. She told me she had a fashion show and a few showrooms to attend later and she offered me to come, but I begged off, and we both knew I would be bored shitless at another of her clothing events. She was seeing the new spring/summer collection for her clothing store in Forks, and she talked excitedly about it. I was pleased that my mom wasn't bored, although she lived in Forks.

When we were done eating I would've expected her to stick around for at least a few hours more, but she said she had a friend she'd promised to visit now that she was in town, so she disappeared as quickly as she'd shown up. I was standing in front of the café, confused about what to do. Should I go back home and read the letter? I sat down on a bench nearby and pondered the situation, but I came to the conclusion that I emotionally couldn't take any more for a least the rest of the day. I couldn't help but chuckle at the fact that my day was starting to feel like a Hollywood movie.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket, and checked for messages. There was a text from Embry asking: _Is everything okay?_ I was too lazy to explain over a text, so I replied with: _Are you free tonight?_

He called me, and we arranged for him to come over to my place so we could talk and spend time in privacy. May be even exchange blowjobs again... The thought made me smile, and I got up and walked home to the apartment with renewed energy.

I found Rosalie in the kitchen, covered in flour and other kinds of grease stains.

"What the hell are you doing, Rose?" I laughed.

She sighed deeply, and glared at me. "Emmett is coming over tonight and I wanted to impress him."

"With what exactly?" I asked, my voice still muffled with laughter.

"This dough is supposed to transform into brownies," she sat down on a chair in defeat, and wiped her forehead streaking her skin with the brown dough. I couldn't control my laughter and it only increased by this. "What is it that's so funny, Edward?" She hissed.

I walked up to her, saying, "First of all, you're really cute when you're working so hard, trying to impress Emmett, which I by the way don't think you need to do anymore. It's so adorable. And second, come here," I dragged her to the bathroom so she could see herself in the mirror, and her annoyed expression was replaced with a grin. She turned on the water, stuck her hand under it, and wiped the line away.

"Will you please help me?" She said and turned to me with the usual expression she wore, whenever she wanted something. I was such a sucker.

"Rose..."

"Come on!"

"Sure, fine," I said. "But only because I'm not busy with anything else, okay? Don't expect me to throw everything in my hands away to bake brownies with you whenever."

"I'm not," She smirked and bounced off to the kitchen. I smacked her ass as I passed her and she squealed.

"Now, did you put eggs, milk, sugar…" I started and guided her through the rest of it. And she was right; she really _did_ need my help. She wasn't just being lazy. Everything was a mess, and at a point I contemplated starting over again. Once we'd gotten the brownies in the oven and managed to somewhat clean up the area, she dragged me towards the living room and sat me down on the couch.

She sat down facing me and began her interrogation. "Tell me all about it."

"About what?" To be honest, I didn't know what she was talking about, so I tried to run away from the subjects that were swirling around my head.

"Don't give me that, Edward. I know you absolutely love baking, but trust me, today, your mind was definitely not with us in the kitchen for the past hour."

I huffed and leaned back and decided I wanted to tell her about my mom coming to Seattle today. I needed to confide in some one. "My mom came to Seattle today." Her eyes widened but I kept going, the rest was definitely going to widen her eyes even more. "Actually she… well… She caught me and Embry this morning." Rosalie's eyes became wider than saucers. "We were barely decent. She put two and two together and figured it out in a second. Embry left after that and I just talked with her but…" I took a deep breath because I didn't know how to approach this next art. Rose held my hand and rubbed it soothingly, waiting for me to continue. "I don't know. She was kind of shocked. But she reacted completely differently from what I'd expected. She was just, upset that she hadn't figured it out on her own."

"What did you expect her reaction to be?"

"Rose, you already know…" I looked down at my lap in embarrassment.

"Tell me?"

"I thought she'd be disgusted with me. I thought she was going to side with my dad and shun me out of the family."

"Did you tell her this?"

"Yeah… actually she admitted that had I come out to her a year ago, she would've probably acted just as I've been expecting. But spending some time with your mom and witnessing her relationship with Jasper brightened things in her perspective…"

Rosalie smiled as she commented, "Well, that's good. So waiting to tell her wasn't such a bad idea after all, right?"

"I guess so," I hadn't really looked at it that way but she was right. Sure, the way my mom found out about me being gay wasn't exactly preferable, but it was about time I faced my demons and stopped lying about who I really was. I surprisingly felt a lot better now that the huge burden was suddenly not so heavy on my shoulders as I had someone to hold it up with me. I was confident that my mom would help me throughout the process of telling my dad. And that on its own made me calm.

"Did Embry have anything to say about it?"

"Not really. He tried to calm me down after my mom left the room but he left right away so I could have my time with her. Other than that I just texted him before I got home, planning for him to come over tonight."

"Oh, did you want me to adjust my plans with Emmett so we could be comfortable with your _boyfriend_?" she smiled at the word. I couldn't help but smiling too.

"No, it's fine really. We'll just stay in my room and you'll have the rest of the place to yourself."

"Okay, but if anything changes, don't hesitate to shout."

"Thanks, Rose. I love you," I kissed the top of her head as she scooted over and I wrapped my arm around her shoulders.

"I love you too. You're like my second big brother, you know."

I chuckled and tickled her side. "Aw, come on, I always liked being an only child."

"Nope, you'll never be alone as long as I'm breathing on this planet."

We continued laughing for a couple of minutes before settling down and she bit her lip as if she were trying, but failing, to keep from saying something. "So… how are things with Embry? Gotten to final base yet?"

I blushed involuntarily but shook my head. "Actually, my mom walked in just after he'd finished giving me a blowjob this morning." She gasped and laughed, sitting up to look at me in surprise. "I know, right! I was barely getting out of my post orgasmic state before she used her key to get in. She walked in on us in our boxers."

"Wow, you little badass," She winked. "Do you think you'll do the deed soon?"

"Rose! What's with the questions? I'll do it when I feel like doing it!"

"Relax, Edward, I was just wondering… Well, Jacob's been mentioning your little day dreams containing certain kisses and humping your pillows…"

My stomach clenched as I realized what she was playing at. I knew Jacob wasn't the brightest of people, and I was able to get away with keeping secrets from him pretty often. But he told Rosalie about it. I was fucked now.

"Uhm… Yea, ever since my relationship with Embry started I guess my hormones are just on over drive."

"Well, there's definitely something missing. Being horny for your boyfriend isn't something completely unusual for somebody our age. He should be able to notice these things too, and be able to take care of you."

"I know. He is, trust me, he's great."

"Then what's wrong?"

I shut my eyes tight, trying to think of another way to get out of telling Rosalie about Jasper's incident.

"Tell me."

I took a deep breath and opened my eyes. "There's this thing… Well, Jasper- I mean… something happened."

An expression of understanding crossed her face and I stopped talking in confusion. "I know, he told me,"

"He told you?"

"Yeah, don't worry about it though; I forced it out of him. He didn't mean to slip."

I stared at her with wide eyes. He told her about the kiss! It took him less than a week to give in and go babble to every one about it!

"Edward, tell me what you're thinking, please. What does Jasper have to do with your sexual frustration?"

"Well… Ever since the kiss… I've just–"

"The kiss? What kiss?"

I looked over at her and spotted a look of surprise. "Rose! Are you fucking with me!"

"No, Edward! What kiss?"

"The kiss! Jasper and I kissed!"

"You _what_!"

"You said he told you!"

"He told me you told him about being gay!"

"Uh–"

"I thought you were having trouble coping with, or accepting that!"

"What, no!"

"Then? What is this kiss you're talking about?"

"Would you just shut up so I can tell you?"

Rosalie huffed and closed her mouth.

"Well, yes, Jasper knows I'm gay. But that was a long time ago. Although, he seems to think we now have a bond of some sort which to my understanding does not exist. But he seemed to be leaving me alone for the past week or so because… Well, last Friday we kissed."

"Who kissed who?"

I cringed as I remembered the kiss all too well. I wanted to pretend I was too drunk to remember, like I had with Jasper, but I was sure she would notice. "I kissed him." I muttered under my breath as I looked everywhere around the room but at her.

"Explain."

"I was really drunk, honestly, but I remember him taking care of me; getting me into bed comfortably and giving me an aspirin and water. And then I was about to go to sleep but instead I thanked him and then leaned in to kiss him. I have no fucking clue what made me do that, but I clearly remember the kiss. It was… Well it was good! Honestly, I think it was really bad for him because I was drunk and swaying with sleep but… I mean, that's the reason I've been having sexual dreams lately. Well, I'm not sure you can call them sexual. It's just been me and Jasper constantly kissing with a lot of passion."

I finally looked up at Rosalie only to find her wide eyed and staring at me in utter shock.

"Say something…"

"You're having sexual dreams about my brother."

"Uhm, yeah…"

She reached up and smacked me in the head, lightly, but to prove a point.

"What was that for?"

"You're being an idiot! You're lusting after my brother! Let me remind you of the same brother that you've been hating on for the past nine years. The same one who is the complete opposite of you in every possible way. And, the same brother who, I'm sure you know, has not had any long term relationship with a single human on this planet. Seth being the only exception."

"I'm not lusting af–" she went to smack me again but I dodged this time. "Fine, but it's not like I'm asking him to be my boyfriend! I've been avoiding the guy as much as possible. I just don't know what to do about that kiss and those dreams!"

"Did you ever stop and think about why you're having those dreams?"

"Well, I just concluded that the kiss triggered them."

"But you've kissed me a couple of times before, have you ever had sexual dreams about me?"

"No, but– "

"Exactly."

"But Jasper is… He's just… He always pops up in my life, no matter how much I try to avoid him. I can't stop thinking about him!"

"This is already completely out of hand. You have to do something about it. And not just ignoring and putting it to the back of your mind!"

"What the hell am I supposed to do about something like this?"

"Whatever you need to do. You need to convince yourself that you do not like my brother. Unless you do…"

"I don't!"

She rolled her eyes but said, "Fine, find a way to permanently erase those dreamy thoughts of him away from you."

"Help me?"

"You want my advice? I say kiss him again."

"Are you serious!"

"Yeah. While you're both sober, kiss him and show yourself that it's nothing. Unless it is something, but that's a different story. But at least show yourself _something_."

I didn't know what to say to her so I just thought about what she'd offered for a second. She wanted me to kiss Jasper, in order to set my thoughts straight about my first kiss with him? "You're completely insane."

"Why? If you've done it once, you can do it again."

"_Why_ would I do it again?"

"_Why not!"_

"Because! It will complicate everything! It'll make everything worse."

"Do you think it will intensify your dreams?"

"Yeah! Wait, no! I mean… how am I supposed to know?"

"Well, isn't that what we're trying to find out? If kissing Jasper gets you excited?"

_Excited? _My face flushed at what she was implying. "My kiss with Jasper didn't get me excited."

"Then why do you dream about it..."

"Because-"

"Edward, do you realize you're as red as a tomato? And have you even thought about the fact that you have a boyfriend?"

Oh. _Fuck, why didn't I think of that? _"Exactly. Rose, I have a boyfriend; I can't go around kissing other guys."

She raised an eyebrow at me and I sighed. "I'm not going to kiss Jasper."

"Okay… Can you answer my next question honestly though? Beside the fact that Embry is now in your life, why are you so against Jasper? Kissing him is not _that_ big of a deal."

"Because… Because he's _Jasper._"

"_So?_"

"I _can't _kiss him. He's… I don't know…"

"He's my brother, and I think I know him pretty well; he's not such a bad guy. You're making a big deal out of nothing."

I sighed and immediately thought of something. Maybe I could tell her more about my interactions with Jasper and she'd understand. "Remember when Jasper came home last year and came out to your family?" She nodded so I continued, "Jasper came out to everybody at that time; the exact time I was thinking about telling my parents. When my parents heard about Jasper though, they got all homophobic and made it very clear that if they had a son who admitted to being gay, then he might as well be dead to him. I felt like he ruined all my chances, and I kind of blame him for the misery I've been in this past year… you might be thinking it's stupid, but that's how I feel. And now, having to be forced to watch him interact with his parents and sense all the love they have for him just makes me so jealous. I wish I could have that relationship with my own parents."

Rosalie remained silent for a few minutes after I'd finished. She seemed at loss for words. "Listen, Honey, _if_ your parents felt this way about homosexual people to start with, then Jasper telling our parents wouldn't have changed their perspective. They'd be homophobic about it no matter if Jasper had come out or not, so you can't blame him for your misery. That's simply not fair. Besides did you forget what happened today? You came out to your mom! Doesn't she seem to accept it? I really don't seem the problem here,"

I sighed, knowing she was right. _Again_.

"Ease up on him will ya?"

"Fine… But I'm not kissing him!"

She smirked, "Sure, whatever you say."

I groaned and buried my face in my hands. Dear God. Life was seriously being too eventful right now for my poor mind to handle. I seriously needed to clear my head, but it seemed impossible.


	6. Chapter 6

**WARNING**: If you are under the age of 18, you are advised to please leave this page now. This story has course language, adult material, and graphic scenes.

**DISCLAIMER**: If you hadn't noticed, most characters belong to SM, we just play around with them for our own, and people's, entertainment.

**A/N: **So! The response to the last chapter was wonderful! This chapter should either clear up some things about Rose, or confuse you even further. Here's the usual cheesy line. Thank you so much blah blah blah no one is reading this blah blah blah we love you all! Blah blah blah review!

ALSO, we will be putting the story on hiatus for now. Chapter 7 is in the making and should be up sometime around mid July! We hope you understand and come back! Keep us on Alerts!

* * *

**Jasper**

**6. Thanksgiving**

Friday.

I sat in my bed contemplating on whether or not to spend the day being a lazy ass around my place or go out and get some fresh air. I looked down at my enlarged crotch but refused to touch it. I had to refuse because every time I did, it felt too good. It felt too good because every time I close my eyes I see a not so mysterious pair of sharp green eyes.

I heard Seth rummage through his room and I made an instantaneous decision. I stood up and flung my shirt over my head. I stripped out of all articles of clothing as I walked up to Seth's room and headed for his attached washroom. I found him standing in front of the counter, shaving off the non-existent facial hair he had.

I walked up to him and wrapped my arms around his belly as my rod nestled against the skinny jeans that were in the way of his beautiful smooth ass.

"You're insatiable, you know that? It hasn't even been an hour, Jasper!"

"But I'm bored!" I whined and tickled his neck with my nose, but he didn't react the slightest.

"Then go do something productive,"

"Like what?"

"I don't know, make some friends,"

"I _have_ friends."

Seth sighed and turned around in my arms, his expression serious. I played with the hem of his jeans, trying to tease him into my bed. "Jasper, I have a date with Jack tonight, I'm saving up all of my stamina for him, and he was a really good lay last week."

"But, tonight is hours away… you can still play a little with me, right?"

He shook his head and pushed my desperate naked ass away. I pouted and tried one more time, "Please, Sethyyy,"

Seth was able to pull away from me and walk to his closet with his back to me as he said with annoying indifference, "No, Jasper. Go jerk off or something."

He paid me no more attention as he grabbed a sweater to put on. I left his room, annoyed and irritatingly horny. Knowing jerking off wouldn't do me any good at this moment, I got dressed again and grabbed my phone, looking for a distraction.

Nobody had texted or called but that didn't stop me. I found Rosalie's name and sent her a text.

_Hey, what are you up to today?_

She replied with, G_oing out with Emmett, hope you're not sulking again._

_Naw, just needed some company, but I'll ttyl._

When she replied with a simple _'ok,'_ I sent Jacob a similar text. _Hey wanna chill?_

_I have classes today dude. _

Before I could even ask,

_And I'm meeting a girl for coffee after, sorry bro. _

It frustrated me to no end that everybody around me was going out on dates. I was left alone to rot with no one to relieve my sexual tension. Fuck, even Seth, one of the closest people in my life, didn't want me all the time. I couldn't help but wonder what would happen if he actually found someone he liked. Well, if he liked him more than me. Would he completely forget everything about me then? That would just ruin my life.

I stopped that thought in its tracks faster than they had entered my mind. Where the fuck was all this coming from, I was turning twenty in a couple of months, not fucking thirty.

Just as I was drifting off into la-la-land, I felt the vibration of my phone on my chest. I picked it up and noticed it was a call from Demetri.

"Hello,"

"Hey, Jasper, my man."

"Hey, Demetri, how's it going?"

"It's fucking awesome, dude. Mrs. Tanner said she got us tickets for the opening night for _Emerald City_. Remember that? Anyways, she said he wants to meet with the two of us at three o'clock sharp."

"No fucking way!" Finally something interesting in my life! I'd been dying to watch that play ever since I'd heard rumors about S.P. Miskowski having a new play in the works. The fact that it was a play of bemused comments on the insular metropolis of Seattle made it so much more exciting. "Okay, I guess I'll see you there then."

"Yup, see ya,"

I grabbed my keys, wallet and leather jacket before swiftly making it out into the beautiful late October air. I decided the weather was nice enough for me to walk to work, and I'd grab a coffee on my way there too.

I walked through the Starbucks doors and made my way up to the counter, thanking god that there was no waiting line and I could get my coffee quick. I spotted Jessica as her smile widened when she spotted me too. She walked up to me and said, "Jasper! It's been so long!"

Without giving me enough time to respond she leaned over the counter and gave me a not so gentle kiss on the lips. Surprised, I merely leaned into her kiss for a second before pulling back and smiling. "Hey… Jessica," I forced a smile, knowing disappointing her would lead to consequences harsher than if I just played along and remained friendly.

She smiled as she immediately started twirling her hair and continued chewing her minty gum which I could now strongly smell. "How may I help you today?" she winked suggestively.

I sighed and closed my eyes, trying to once again think of a reason to avoid sex. I've been turning into a monster. Sure, Jessica was hot, sexy, and pretty good in bed too. But I knew she wouldn't be able to satisfy me. I needed someone new. Someone new, but who also had that enticing aura that people seemed to lack in these days. And hell the only person I could think of with that aura, didn't even fucking want to be with me. Let alone be in the same room as me.

"Jasper?"

I opened my eyes to finally place my order but was caught off guard when I noticed she was still a little closer than expected and reached out her arm to cradle my cheek in her hand. "Baby, are you okay? Something is bothering you…" she used a squeaky sympathetic voice which I had never actually heard before. I was weirded out to no extreme and couldn't manage a coherent response.

"I… Uh…" I was saved from my misery when I noticed a figure emerging from the kitchen area from around the corner. Over Jessica's shoulder I saw Edward walking over to us, with frowning brows and a confused expression on his face. Crap, I almost forgot that he worked here. I should pay more attention to these things if my new goal was to avoid him.

Jessica didn't seem to notice my distraction because she continued to stroke my face but Edward finally arrived and said, "Jessica, I think someone was calling you from the back, you better go check out what it is. I'll take care of this here."

She finally turned around to acknowledge Edward's presence and huffed in annoyance. "I'll be right back, Jasper." She smiled at me then hurried off and disappeared through the door.

"Hey, Jasper." I turned to see Edward having a small hint of a smile on his face. This day couldn't get any stranger. Jessica was being a creep and Edward just smiled at me, without me trying to make him smile. He even looked genuine! _Edward_!

"Hey, Eddie." I turned to smile at him but suddenly felt uncomfortable with calling him Eddie. Usually it wouldn't be a problem, but lately, after all the mixed up feelings and signals we'd been sending each other, I felt that it was misleading to call him something that used to be so easily said towards a little brother, rather than a certain hot and sexy Edward, who didn't have the decency to stay out of my mind lately! Still, I had to keep up my care free appearance or else someone might notice something different.

"What can I get you?"

"What? Oh, uhm… just a regular coffee, thanks."

Edward looked at me with an amused expression before turning and working the coffee machine. "You know Jessica?"

"Yea I do... Old friend," He nodded in understanding but I could sense the confusion from earlier returning. I couldn't stop myself from adding, "Just a friend though."

Edward forced a smile and said, "Small world."

I didn't understand what he meant by that but he let the subject go so I grabbed my wallet from my back pocket and looked for spare change as Edward walked back over to me and handed me the coffee. As I was sorting through my coins I got frustrated at Edward's constant smile and everything fell from my hand onto the table. I groaned and cursed as Edward tried to hide his laughter and helped me out with picking out the correct amount of quarters.

"In a hurry?"

"Yeah, I have a bunch of important errands to run before my promised dinner with Seth," I lied. I had about forty five minutes to get to my meeting that was about twenty minutes away. But, it was easier to coming up with a fast lie that would get me out of this embarrassing situation. Edward didn't have to know that Seth was out on a date already and that I would be spending the evening by myself. I couldn't admit that my flustered attitude was because of his sole presence.

_**J**_

When we were done with our meeting with Mrs. Tanner, who lately had become our main source for entrance at the popular events since she was in charge of the Seattle's Arts Commission, Demetri and I returned to the department. We were working in his office on some research for an upcoming European art event at Seattle Art Museum when he said, "Hey man, you seem a little off. Is something bothering you?"

I looked over at him in surprise from staring out the panorama windows, and felt embarrassed that I was caught in the middle of my Edward thoughts. My gaze should've been fixed on my laptop screen.

He smirked, "Is it a girl?"

"Well, not exactly…"

"Come on, you can tell me anything,"

I hesitated. He noticed and nodded encouragingly at me. "Okay, well, you're the first person I actually tell this but… well there's this guy, Edward is his name."

Confusion crossed his face but I continued anyways, "At first I wanted to fuck him. But you know, those things come and go pretty fast, right. But, that's the thing. This sexual tension that has been because of him has only been _increasing_ every time I think about him, or see him for that matter. Like… I think I'm starting to grow feelings for him. Sort of. I don't know. Well I don't mean _feelings _like, feelings. Of course not. I just can't get him out of my head, you know?"

He stared at me for a few seconds before barely managing, "_You're gay?"_

"Oh, I'm sorry dude, I didn't tell you?"

"Uhh, I think I would have remembered something like this…"

"Well, technically I'm bisexual. But lately I don't know, dude, my piece just doesn't dig girls _as much_ anymore, you know?"

He closed his eyes and rubbed his face, "No, I don't."

"Hey, I'm sorry, is this uncomfortable for you?"

"No, not at all. In fact, my roommate in college was gay, I don't really mind _that. _I was just surprised, is all. You don't exactly seem gay; I would've never guessed. Besides, no one's ever talked to me about a problem like _that _before…"

I sighed. "I'm not trying to push anything onto you; I just don't know what to do."

Demetri grimaced and put a hand on my shoulder, "Look, Jas, I'm not sure how it works with guys, but girls seem to love it when you're honest with them. Just tell him how you feel,"

"It's not that simple, " I protested.

He chuckled, "That's just a bad excuse, and you know that,"

I sighed and laid my head on my arms and for the first time since I started working here, I wanted to leave as fast as possible. Not because I was bored here, but because my brain was a fucking mess and I wasn't able to concentrate. I needed to see someone who could put a temporary calm to my mental health.

_**J**_

I let myself into the door and locked it behind me, immediately looking around to see if someone was home. "Anybody home?" When I got no reply I took off my jacket and shoes and made myself comfortable. I walked down the hallway and into Rosalie's bedroom. "Rosie, are you in here?"

As soon as I entered her room I spotted her emerging from her closet with a surprised look on her face. She was wearing a tank top and boy shorts and had her blonde hair tied up in a messy yet still nice looking bun. I quirked an eyebrow, knowing this was a rare look to be seen on her of all people.

"Jasper, what are you doing here?"

"Can't a guy just want to spend some quality time with his favorite sister?"

"I'm your only sister," she chuckled.

"Well…" I didn't really have an answer to that so I just turned and walked towards her bed. Only to find a mountain of clothing and boxes constructed on it. "Watcha doing?"

"Cleaning out my wardrobe. I need to make space for my new winter clothes." She turned around to get back to her work. "Aren't you supposed to be at school or work or something?"

"I just finished with a class. Came straight here. Where's Jacob?" I pushed aside some of her things in order to get comfortable up against the headboard of her bed.

"Studying at the library." She came back out of her closet with a stack of folded clothes and looked pointedly at me. "And Edward isn't here either, if that's what you're here for."

"Pfft, why would you think that? I know he's working right now. That's why I knew it was safe to come see my little sister."

She scrunched her face in confusion. "Safe?"

"Actually, I came to have a heart to heart conversation with you. I don't even know what's wrong with me; but, did you know you have magical powers and are usually able to aid me before I even know I need to be helped?"

"I've been told a couple of times." She went back to her work and continued, "What seems to be troubling your mind?"

"Do you believe in Karma?"

"Of course I do,"

"It's fucking with my life!" I said and threw my hands up in exasperation.

"You knew it was gunna happen sooner or later."

"But I was hoping for later! For the love of Jesus, I'm so young!"

Rose sulked at my vagueness and turned to look at me with her hands on her hips. "I need a more detailed explanation."

I closed my eyes in horror. Saying it out loud would mean it was reality. But I had to because if I kept keeping it to myself, there was no way I'd ever be able to get it out of my mind. Which probably also meant that it would never change, and if I _had_ to tell someone Rosalie would be obvious person to tell. She would love me whether I was a loser or not. "I… I haven't been able to get it up for the past... while." I only opened my eyes when I heard Rosalie's laughter. "It's not funny!"

"It's about time!"

"For what?"

"You have to stop fucking your way through college. May be this is god's way of warning you that you're gunna run out of hot ass in this city before you even graduate."

"Nah, I thought about that. I decided that if I believe in god, I believe that he loves me. He wouldn't do something like this to me."

Rosalie rolled her eyes and walked around the bed to continue with her cleaning. "Do you have better reasoning for your dick's choice of sudden abstinence?"

"Well… that's where you come in."

Her voice went from mocking to suspicious, as she said "Jasper, how did you know Edward works right now?"

I blinked and turned to look at her, surprised at her sudden change of conversation. "That's irrelevant."

"Is it, really?"

"What does Edward have to do with this?"

"More than you think. I think it's time that we talk about that thing you've been avoiding for the past month or so."

I stared at her for a second as I realized what she was getting at. "No, please don't make me." I grabbed one of her pink pillows and buried my face in it. I had walked into the lion's den. How fucking stupid am I?

"Apart from the fact that Edward doesn't exactly think of you in the best of light, am I right in saying that you've generally always kept a positive attitude when talking to or spending time with him?"

"Mhmm," I mumbled in response, not being able to anticipate her next attack.

"Call me crazy but, ever since that night you found out that Edward was gay, your behavior towards him changed, hasn't it?" She kept talking and accusing me with nonsense as she continued to organize her clothes, acting as if we were discussing something as simple as the weather.

"You're crazy, Rose!"

"Why?"

"He's the same Edward I've known for the past decade, nothing changed since I found out! Sure, I tried to spend more time with him because I thought since he wasn't hiding this secret anymore, he'd want to be friends… or I don't know! Something! It doesn't mean my thoughts or feelings towards him have changed though." I found myself huffing and frowning at the complication of such a simple situation.

"So you have never had any sexual thoughts about my best friend?"

I gasped at her bluntness. "No!"

"Jasper, I'm not stupid," she said with a voice loaded with accusation. Goddammit.

"Fine! Yes! Ever since I found out I've been wanting to get him into my bed. But that doesn't mean anything! I've always thought Edward was a good looking guy. I guess the added information of him liking dicks just… activated sexual thoughts…"

She stared at me with an obvious look in her eyes.

"What!"

"Are you even hearing what you're saying?"

"I don't know where the fuck you're going with this!" I hissed.

"You're having sexual feelings for Edward. First, you have to admit it to yourself. Second, you have to get over it. And third, find yourself a decent boyfriend, one who is _not_ Edward."

"But… how."

"You have to know that nothing will form between the two of you. Edward is my best friend and I love him as much as I love you. Consider this me warning you to steer away from him, because he does not need you to play around with his feelings and step all over his heart when you're satisfied. You have no idea what that will do to him. For Christ's sake, Jas, he's a virgin! You said that knowing about his sexuality triggered your feelings for him. Why? Because somehow that makes him available to you? Well stop yourself right now and strongly consider going back to the times when you thought he was straight, because he is as available to you as he has been since the beginning. Got it?"

I stared at my sister as she basically stepped all over me with her truthful words. She spoke her speech in a perfectly calm tone and looked at me as if daggering warnings at me with her glare. If only eyes could kill… "Yeah," I muttered through clenched teeth.

"Good," she smiled. "Now, what else did you want to chat about?"

I sighed and buried my face in the pink pillow I had desperately been holding on to all the while. I could feel her sitting down on the edge of her bed beside me and place her hand on my back. She started moving her hand in soothing movements.

"Look, Jasper, you have to understand that you and Edward can't happen. He can't handle all your little games, and he definitely can't handle being dumped after one night. You're not good for him."

"I know," I sighed. "But what if I won't dump him after one night?"

She chuckled, "Dumping him after a weekend won't help either." She stared wide-eyed at me when I didn't laugh with her, as she realized what I meant and that I wasn't kidding. "Jasper?" She gasped.

"Nevermind, Rose. It doesn't matter. I understand what you're saying,"

She looked thoughtful for a moment, as if she was struggling with what to say to me. That was rare. She always knew what to say. "Okay, Honey."

"Okay?"

"Just let it be for now." She said. "And as to your other problem with not being able to get it up, I definitely think it's because you've been thinking too much. Whether it's the thoughts about Edward, which is not unlikely, or something else; I don't know. But you definitely need to stop stressing yourself out so much, and start acting like my brother again, otherwise… I might start to worry. May be even bring Mom and her expertise into this mess."

I nodded vigorously in understanding, not wanting to have to face my mom with any of this embarrassing shit.

What Rosalie mentioned had been one of my own suspicions though. Getting it confirmed just hurt like bitch. Jasper Whitlock didn't let his feelings affect his performance. Fucking never.

I got up from her bed and made my way to the fridge to grab a coke, not caring whose coke I was stealing. Exactly like Jasper Whitlock would. Before I was able to head home, Rosalie convinced me to stay and have lunch with her. Though she knew to keep her mouth shut about my problems for the rest of the time we spent together as we ate and participated in light chit chat, but nevertheless, I couldn't stop my thoughts from wandering to him.

I was definitely sure my heart tripled in velocity though for a few moments when Edward walked into the door, his hair tangled in a beautiful mess and his cheeks flushed in pretty pink because of the cold temperature. I guess he'd come home by walking. I wanted to dig a big hole and lay down there until he left and I didn't have these feelings anymore. I also contemplated burying Edward himself in the hole, so the guy wouldn't be able to fuck with my brain any more. But that would mess up that nice bronze hair that I wanted to run my fingers through so badly…

"Oh, hey, Jasper. What are you doing here?"

"Uhm," I shook my head to regain coherency as I looked to see him staring at me, grinning widely, "I was just checking up on Rose, nothing new. Though, I'm heading for the gym now..."

I noticed Rosalie glancing at us disapprovingly from her spot across the table.

"Oh, that's too bad. I have no plans for the rest of the day. I thought it would be cool for us to hang out, if you want?"

Cool?

_Hang out?_

Edward Just asked me to spend time with him? I stared in shock as I relayed his words in my head. Thinking that may be my Edward induced thoughts had altered my perspective on the situation.

I eyed him carefully, trying to figure out if he was mocking me or if he was really being serious. But he looked completely sincere and I was in utter shock. _Who was this guy and what had he done to Edward Cullen?_

Not knowing how I was _supposed _to answer, I simple laughed it off and said, "Sorry Eddie, I really do have to hit the gym now. Maybe some other time." I shrugged and tried to keep my external expressions in control.

Disappointment clouded his face as a small frown started to form, and I kind of started to feel guilty. Why was I lying to him? Why was I doing this when I so badly wanted to spend time with him? I just missed an opportunity to hear him laugh and see how his green eyes glistened as he did just that. And for what reason? Because I felt my blood rush through my veins dangerously whenever he was in the same room as me. And because I was an idiot and couldn't face the fact that this guy obviously had an effect on me that no one ever had.

Fuck. I sounded just like one of the numerous girls who'd been creepily obsessed with me throughout my years in High School.

"May be," He smoothed out his expression and quirked the corner of his lips, looking at ease and unfazed. Shit, how could he be so comfortable in the obvious tension that appeared in the air?

Needing to get out of the kitchen, I stood up and walked towards him and away from the table where Rosalie and I had been eating.

I mumbled a, "see you later Rose," and as I passed by Edward, I ruffled his hair, as if he were a five year old kid, and said, "Bye Eddie,"

Because I was Jasper Whitlock and I wanted to annoy him.

Not because I wanted to see what his hair felt like.

_**J**_

The following weeks went by pretty slowly. Every day was a fucking challenge for me to survive. Before, when Edward and I didn't have much interest in each other we'd barely see each other once a week, and that was when he'd moved to Seattle and started attending the same college as me. But now we happened to stumble into each other every goddamn day, and I didn't know what to do. Even if I just stayed at home, which I considered safe, Rose and him or Jake and him would suddenly show up to 'hang out', which I had noticed was very strange considering that wasn't the usual.

One thing that fucked up with my head the most was, Edward kept being so friendly, even suggesting for the _two of us_ to hang out. Together. _Alone_. I always played it cool and brushed off his offers because I usually had some non-existent essay to write, or a non-existent meeting to attend. When in reality I was losing every bit of sanity I had left; no matter how much I clung to it, Edward seemed to always snoop in and ruin everything with his _charms_.

But most of all, my reactions to the change in Edward activities was completely out of order. I would normally have agreed to hang out with him whenever. Hell, I could have given in to his constant suggestions and would have tricked him into my bed by now. All of this mess would be over. It would be done, and I wouldn't have to worry about Edward anymore. May be he'd be hurt because I would dump him after hooking up, but so be it. I didn't care. For crying out loud, I was Jasper Whitlock! I only gave very special people second chances, and Edward wasn't special enough, or worth my stress. Well not special in the way that was needed…

Thus, I couldn't allow us to spend time together. If I gave in and started hanging out with Edward, I would disappoint my sister and defy the rules she'd set for me. Because I was pretty sure that if we hung out, I wouldn't be able to keep my hands to myself, and if I put on my charming and persuasive mood, Edward wouldn't be able to resist me. Nobody could! Even though this rule had always worked in the past, but from Edward's changed behavior towards, I started to wonder just how much power he had over me.

All of this didn't even include the worst part though. The worst part was Embry. The motherfucking bundle of flesh and cheesy words that people called Embry Call. He thought he was so _goddamn_ perfect for Edward, but truth was – _even if _I was the only one who could tell – he sure as hell wasn't. On the other hand I'm not sure _any_ guy would ever be perfect for Edward. That really sucked for both Embry and me – not that I felt any compassion for Embry. At least he got to kiss and touch Edward constantly. And I bet they do more than that behind closed doors. But why the fuck was it like that in the first place? I usually got what I wanted…

As I was flipping through the channels, on the muted TV, I kept trying but failing to push all thoughts about Edward away. My roommate seemed to have perfect timing as he untwined me from my thoughts, calling my name, "Jasper?"

"Yeah, babe?"

"I'm hornyyy," I heard his whine carry all the way across the room to say hello to my cock.

I couldn't help but chuckle at his bluntness and my pathetic reaction. I really did need to get laid. May be... "I thought you went out last night? I figured some dude had satisfied you, otherwise you know I would have joined you in that shower you were just enjoying,"

He walked into the living room, where I was perched on the couch, with a towel wrapped around his hips and dark hair clinging in individual locks across his cheeks. I couldn't help but notice how the drops of water dropped onto his shoulder, ran down near his honey colored nipples and danced across his defined abdomen, only to be caught by the fabric of the cockblocking towel. _Unf_.

"I did. But he was such a disappointment! First of all, he ordered tartare, which is sort of gross. It's raw meat for crying out loud! Second, he smelt like a garbage dumpster that had been rotting under the heating sun all day," He grimaced, "And third, he kept talking about his three dogs, and you know how much I hate dogs! He wasn't even worth fucking,"

"You don't say," I said, laughing at his description of the guy who'd invited him out on date, and the hilarious expressions he was using to emphasize his point. "So he was strictly a bottom?"

"Yeah," he sighed and drove a hand through his wet hair, "You know how much I love bottoming, so I just left when we were done, because I know I have a way sexier and much more interesting top at home,"

"Oh, really?" I grinned teasingly and reached out for him, "Come here, boy."

"As you wish,"

As soon as he was within reach I rid him of the offending towel, throwing it across the room. Not caring where it landed, I was transfixed by the cock that had sprung up, free and proud. I reached for it, starting with slow strokes as Seth straddled my lap and gave me a quick, tongue included, kiss on the lips and started to trail his kisses along my jaw and the side of my neck.

I was surprised at the precum that had already formed by the tip of his piece but I immediately gathered it up and used it as lubrication while working my hand over his long shaft. He moaned against my chest as I quickened my now slickened pace. "Mmmh, Jay, I need you inside me baby. _Now_,"

By then, Seth had finished unbuttoning my jeans and was shifting backwards, taking my pants and boxers down with him. As soon as he was on his knees, he smirked as he realized I was already hard. I had to admit, the sudden excitement of the situation did turn me on to a great extent. I noted that I hadn't been this into sex in a while. I figured my body had unconsciously been craving Seth's magical touch after all.

Seth didn't hesitate to take in my membrane as far as he could go. I closed my eyes and shifted backwards so that I was as relaxed as possible. Having someone that wasn't me touch me felt _very good. _Seth kept working on getting me ready as I threaded my hands through his hair because I knew he liked that. A few moments later he sat up and licked his lips. "Well that's about as ready as you're gunna get,"

I removed my shirt as he stood up and walked a few paces to grab the lube from one of the side table drawers. He sat back in my lap with legs sprawled on each side my hips and I had to take deep breaths to keep my eyes open. I made to grab for the lube bottle to get him ready too but he smirked and held it away from me, "I need to you so bad right now, but you take forever."

I smiled and settled for stoking both our rods together as he snaked his arms back to work on his hole. After a few very short minutes he threw the bottle on the ground and eagerly lined himself on top of me.

We both let out groans and moans as he slowly sank down onto my hard member. I clung to the couch on both sides because I had to keep myself from thrusting upwards. We've had sex billions of times but even I knew that going too hard too fast didn't result in the best of pleasures. Before I knew it though, I was fully encased in him. He let out a loud sigh before leaning forward for a passionate kiss.

I couldn't keep myself back anymore. I wrapped my arms around him as we kissed and flipped him over so that I was lying on top of him on the couch. I started thrusting harder and following all instincts because this felt entirely too good. For the next however many long minutes I thrust, he rocked and we both moaned each other's names. Somewhere in the frenzy I had grabbed hold of his cock and began pumping it. I never liked to be one who came first.

Before I knew it, the pleasure was too much and we both erupted at the same time. I stayed in my position above for a full minute because I just needed to come down from my high. He didn't seem to have any problems though as he sighed in content into my neck.

After I gathered all the energy I could muster up I leaned back, holding the condom while slipping so it wouldn't make a mess. I walked over to the kitchen to throw it in a garbage can before returning to the couch where Seth lay sprawled out.

He got up however to let me lay down on the couch before he lay back down on top of me, intertwining our legs and nestling his face into the side of my neck. I wrapped my arms around him and gazed upwards at the ceiling.

Minutes ticked by as out heart rates calmed down before he spoke up. "Jasper?"

"Mhmm?"

"I'm not stupid. I know something's wrong,"

"Why would you think that?"

"I just have that gut feeling. You've been acting very different lately. And not just because you've been wanting to get laid by Edward. I'm not that stupid." I was a little distracted by the way his fingers played around my chest. "But even the sex… you're just different."

He seemed at a loss of words but I just stayed silent. He caught me off guard.

"You're not as into it anymore. And I'm not just talking about today, but lately you haven't been as carefree or happy as you used to be. You're becoming… almost _mature. _Should that scare you?" He giggled but quieted down after I only let out a silent chuckle.

"Is that a bad thing?"

He pondered for a second. "I'm not sure. I feel like I'm losing you. You know I love you of course. But I was just thinking, may be it would be better to slow down our sex life for a little while?"

"You think you're losing me?" I was confused. How could he think this when he's the one out dating someone new every night?

He shrugged.

I laughed. "That's ironic because I always think that one of those dates you meet every night will end up being 'the one' for you. Or you know, you'll end up wanting more from a guy, a romantic relationship like they have in those cheesy movies you watch."

He lifted his head and rested his chin on my chest. "Really?"

"Fuck yea. And you deserve it too, Seth. You deserve so much more than me."

"I wouldn't say _more _than you. Because no matter how stubborn or crazy you are, I still think you're a great guy. But I just need someone _different, _you know?"

"I'm not stubborn."

He quirked an eyebrow and laid back down. We laid there in silence as we both pondered the situation.

"Why does it feel like we just broke up?"

He giggled for what had to be the hundredth time that night and held me tighter. "You're not getting rid of me that easily. We don't have to have sex every hour of every day, but you're still the best person at cuddling I have ever met."

_**J**_

It was a week later when I had to go to the department and grabbed my leather jacket and my Ray Bans to hit the streets. I decided to walk, although it would take me a while because the department was located at the bay north of the university. For once, the sun was shining in Seattle and I thought I might as well enjoy it, so I crossed through Rizal Park on the west slope of Beacon Hill. You could see the Seattle skyline from there, and I knew the park would be crowded with people on a day like this, so I wouldn't have to worry about being alone with my thoughts. I could watch other people interact with each other and let that distract me, so my thoughts wouldn't go crazy all of sudden, like they had done so often in the past few weeks.

I walked briskly, but slowed down when I passed the Starbucks where Edward worked. I gazed through the windows from outside. May be I could get a glance of him, without him smiling in my face and making me fiddle awkwardly and embarrass myself in the process. But he wasn't there and neither was Jessica, so I grabbed the chance I'd been given and went through the door to buy a coffee which I could sip on as I walked.

With my coffee in hand, I entered Rizal Park and enjoyed the way the sun shone at me. It was November so the leaves of the trees were brown and withered, but I didn't mind. It still looked quite beautiful combined with the beams of sun. Kids were playing tag on the big grassy areas and parents were seated at the picnic tables. Even couples had found their way to the park for a walk, and ahead of me on the gravel path a dozen of couples were walking hand in hand. I wasn't jealous though, as so many other singles might have been. I liked being single – well, that's what I convinced myself.

I couldn't help but suddenly notice a gay couple walking ahead of me. At first I smiled. I loved gay people who were proud of what they were and would walk like that in public. But then… didn't that guy on the left have bronze hair? And wasn't that guy on the right extremely tall and muscular? Fuck. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I even stopped walking just to scrutinize. It sure as hell was them. Who else could it fucking be?

My suspicions were confirmed painfully as they stopped to sit down on a bench and Embry leaned in to kiss his _boyfriend's _awaiting lips. What the fuck did this mean? Was he out of the closet now? What…

I sucked in a sharp breath and contemplated running off. May be walk down the other path through the park, although it was a bit of a detour. But no. Where the hell had Jasper Whitlock gone these past weeks? Being scared of facing Edward and Embry was some fucking bullshit and I wasn't going to stand back.

I walked quickly towards where they were sitting, but I made a last minute decision as I saw how deeply and lovingly they were looking into each other's eyes, to just walk past them and pretend I hadn't seen them. It would give them the chance to notice me, so at least I wasn't running off. May be they wouldn't though. Or maybe they would, but wouldn't say anything to me since I was probably the last person they both wanted to see. At least I knew Embry didn't want to. And Edward… well I was still confused about that and his changed behaviour lately. He could surprise me.

They didn't say anything to me though, and I didn't turn around to say hi. I just continued in the direction I was headed. _What a fucking coward._

_**J**_

I managed to only bump into Edward three times throughout the last two weeks before Thanksgiving. Rosalie had arranged everything about going back home to celebrate the holidays. And those plans fucking sucked. Rose, Jake, Eddie and I were driving back to Forks in _my_ car, since it was the biggest. The drive would take us about three and a half hour, and I all I could hope for was the Edward would at least sit in the back. But then again, I wasn't sure what would be worse. To have him breathing down my neck or have him close enough to be a temptation to touch? Either way, this trip was going to fuck with my brain even more. But I couldn't stay behind. My mom would kill me and Rosalie would've convinced me to come before even telling mom that I'd be staying home. Argh.

The first time I bumped into Edward, I was picking up Jacob for some clubbing. Jake had even told me both Edward and Rosalie would be gone when I came… but Edward was suddenly walking down the stairs when I'd been on my way up to their apartment. It made me check my watch and realize I was five minutes early.

"Have fun with Jacob." He'd said quite half-heartedly. He was gone before I could reply.

The second time and probably also the most memorable time, I was heading to their apartment for a surprise visit. It was nothing unusual. I often showed up randomly. But what met me at the apartment was completely unexpected.

I'd let myself in very quietly, so no one except for anyone who might have been in the living room would notice my presence. The apartment was extremely quiet, but I knew someone was definitely here; otherwise the door would've been locked. I stayed put, when the door to the bathroom unlocked and I had to hold my breath not to gasp in surprise at the sight that met me.

Edward was walking out, his hair tangled in a wet mess, droplets of water running across his well defined chest and abdomen and a very small towel wrapped around his waist. Half of his left thigh was even showing. It took me every ounce of self control I had in me not to jump him right there. I couldn't keep myself from growing hard and eye fuck him as if I'd never seen a naked man before, despite how much I concentrated on thinking of dead puppies. The slim jeans I was wearing were getting very uncomfortable as I grew harder, when he threw a lazy expression at me as his green eyes glistened.

"Sorry, I didn't hear you come in," He purred. Was he using that incredibly sexy voice intentionally? Fucking bastard, I knew he was. I'd never heard that tone from him ever before. "Would you like to hang out after I put on some clothes?"

Fuck. No.

"Uhm, sorry, Eddie, I was actually on my way out again. I just wanted to borrow, uhm, a book from Rose."

I could feel his eyes raking me, and they stopped at my crotch for a few seconds. He fought a smile and a laugh as he said, "That's okay, Jasper. Go take care of your... book." Usually I wouldn't care the slightest about boners, since they didn't bother me – it was natural, everyone knew that. But this... this was just embarrassing as hell. It was Edward! Now I knew what it felt like being the laughing stock of someone.

I turned around to leave, without getting the "book" I'd lied about borrowing from Rose. He already knew what was going on and there was really no point in randomly pick a book from her shelf, just to keep up a cover that was already shattered to a thousand pieces.

That afternoon just made the third time I saw him all that more awkward. Seth and Rosalie had arranged a small dinner party at their apartment, and I was forced to join them. Seth wouldn't even listen to my excuses and if I wanted to stay living in our apartment I simply _had_ to go. Every time I looked at Edward, I couldn't help but imagine him naked, only covered by that goddamn towel. And despite was happened he was still treating me like everyone else and I was completely dumbfounded and confused. I even got upset as Jacob asked playfully, "What's up, Whitlock? You seem awfully absent, who are you fantasizing about? Care to share?"

I wasn't fantasizing. Not that much. But if I _had_ been it would definitely have been about someone present in that very room. I waved him off, telling him to mind his own fucking business.

By Tuesday afternoon, two days before Thanksgiving, I had finished packing my bag and was ready to pick the others up. Seth had left, kissing me goodbye a few hours earlier. He was spending the holidays with his family in Olympia and I dreaded the fact that he couldn't go with me back home, so he could keep me and my, very much ignored these days, dick company.

I held my breath when I was parked in front of their building and I saw them come out, their hands full of bags and luggage.

Rosalie opened the passenger seat door with an excited smile, "Hey Jas,"

"Hey,"

Jacob walked past Rose and took her bag out of her hand, to load it in the trunk for her. She seated herself beside me and grinned, "This will be so fun! The four of us on a road trip!"

"It's hardly a road trip, Rose. I think you've misunderstood that concept,"

"Whatever, it'll be fun. I brought CD's!" She brought her handbag up into her lap and received four CD's. I groaned when I saw the covers of her favorite albums, a collection of upbeat pop music. This would be much worse than I thought. Not only did I have to endure Edward and the feelings he got out in me, but I also had to listen to useless one-sentenced dance music and Rosalie as she'd sing along.

I sighed in response to her and she swatted me lightly on my arm.

Edward got in the seat behind me and Jacob behind Rosalie and they both greeted me, although with a lot less enthusiasm.

Luckily the drive passed by in a blur, the roads turning into unrecognizable mass of grey cement. I didn't indulge in the discussions Edward and Rosalie had about various subjects as global warming, school shootings, gay marriage, communism and for last Fendi's new winter collection. I only chuckled a little and made a sarcastic comment at their attempt at getting Jacob to join the discussions, even though they both very much knew that it would never happen. I stayed quiet for the rest of the trip, which I knew wasn't my usual behaviour, but I just wasn't in the mood for talking. Especially not when I was on the verge of exploding with all the tension that had been building up in me for quite a while now. But luckily all of them seemed to understand that it was best to leave me be no questions asked.

First we dropped Jacob off at his dad's little charming house built of tree at the La Push reservation. They'd be eating Thanksgiving dinner at Sue Clearwater's house with her son and daughter.

Then we drove to Forks and dropped Edward off at his parent's house, where he was going to celebrate the holidays. As far as I knew, though, my parents had invited him – of course Jacob as well – over for dinner the last night we'd be staying in Forks. If I knew him and Rosalie right he'd probably sleep over too. He got out, getting his bags in the trunk and waved goodbye as he headed for the front door. I didn't even bother lifting my hand. He took a few steps towards the white house he used to live in, but surprised me. He turned around, staring right at me with a blank expression, his eye glistened intensely but I couldn't quite analyze or find a reason behind what he was doing. Oddly enough, his uneasiness put me at ease. Feeling his awkwardness made me feel like I wasn't the only one going crazy over here. Just as the door opened behind him I couldn't help but give him a full-blown charming Whitlock-smile. I thought I saw him shiver.

My mom was waiting in the drive way for us when Rosalie and I arrived. She was wearing white pants and a white blazer, her red Loubutin shoes matching her red lips. She was such a diva compared to the rest of the people that lived in Forks. I'd honestly never understand how my dad ever got my mom convinced to move from California to here. _Forks_.

"My wonderful darlings," She chimed when we got out of the car. "Come here and give me the hug I've been waiting for!"

We both obediently started towards her open arms. She caught both of us at the same time and all I could see as she pulled us close was a tangled mess of blonde hair from her, Rosalie and me. She pulled away rather quickly though and Rosalie and I squeaked a rather shy, "Hi Mom".

"Let's get you inside before you catch a cold! It must have been a long drive, Jasper, aren't you tired?"

"No, Mom, I'm perfectly fine. Jake and I were taking turns."

She ignored my comment, "You look kind of pale, darling; I'll make you some tea once we get inside," She had turned her attention to Rosalie before I reached to protest, "My beautiful Rose, what happened to you? You're shining like a star!"

"Nothing happened. I'm just happy to see you, Mom,"

"Don't give me that bullshit, honey. But you can wait telling me about him till dinner if that makes you more comfortable,"

I chuckled at Rosalie's blush and how quickly mom had caught onto a guy's interference in Rosalie's life and his obvious effect on her glow.

My dad was waiting for us in the living room, casually sitting in his personal love seat with a heavy book in hand. He rose up when he saw us in the entrance, a polite smile spreading on his lips.

"Hey kids,"

"What's up, Dad?" I said and threw myself on the couch opposite him.

Rose on the other hand – always such a daddy's girl – hugged him tightly and he kissed her forehead.

"Someone missed her daddy," I teased, but she glared menacingly at me and I decided to shut up for once.

We ate dinner loudly as always. Although we were only a family of four, there had never once been silence at the dinner table. For most of the time we were actually just arguing whose turn it was to speak. My mom very often won _that_ particular argument.

I liked being home.

For a few hours...

When 'bed time' came around I was yearning for being back in Seattle. Here, in Forks, I felt captured and limited. I felt like a kid again, like I had no choices to make and no responsibilities. And as relieving as that may sound to most people, I didn't like it this way. I liked being in Seattle where I could do anything and act any way I wanted.

My mom snapped me out of my thoughts when she cracked the door open, "Goodnight Honey,"

"Night, Mom," I smiled and I sighed in relief when she closed it again without the need to comment on my well being. You seriously couldn't keep secrets from that woman, but she probably decided to let me be like everybody else, just this one time.

I glanced at my walls, snorting at the numerous football posters clinging to them and the shelves with my countless trophies still hanging there.

However, I was feeling a very unsettling feeling in my guts. I wasn't sure what direction this week was headed in. It could be a complete blast, or a complete flop.


	7. Chapter 7

**WARNING**: If you are under the age of 18, you are advised to please leave this page now. This story has course language, adult material, and graphic scenes.

**DISCLAIMER**: If you hadn't noticed, most characters belong to SM, we just play around with them for our own, and people's, entertainment.

**A/N: **HELLO... Well... First of all, we're VERY sorry for the long wait! And also sorry in advance for the abnormally short chapter! Summer has proven itself to be very hectic for the both of us; either Niko is traveling and we can't interact, or vice verca.. Thus, not allowing us much time to work on updating our story.

Hopefully we'll be back full blast with the upcoming chapters at normal schedual starting from Septemper!

* * *

**Edward**

**7. Void**

Since both my parents were hard workers I had plenty of time to myself and my thoughts Wednesday afternoon, the day before Thanksgiving. But the silence became tedious after a while and I began to hate the fact that I was an only child and on top of that I'd never had many good friends in Forks other than Rosalie and Jacob. So I was pretty much stuck alone in a big house with no one to hang out with and no car to use as an escape route. I would've walked to the hospital to see my grandma, but my dad who was a doctor there had told me it wasn't a good day and that I'd get the chance to visit her tomorrow.

At first I did the laundry, but it was limited with only two people living here, despite the fact that my mom's clothes could definitely count for two. Then I started reading the crime fiction I'd brought with me by some Swedish author, but I started feeling too restless to read as an hour had passed. Desperate for human interaction, I called Brady to hear about his date with some new guy who'd caught his attention a little more than the others he'd gone out with before and he entertained me for quite a while. I knew he couldn't help babbling whenever he had the chance to and for once I was actually glad. But he was also with his family this weekend and he had several siblings, so he was needed at some point and we had to end the conversation. It was all too quiet in the house when we'd hung up.

I must have fallen asleep on the couch when I decided to watch some TV, although it was never my favorite way to pass time, because my mom was shaking my shoulder, her face startlingly close.

"It's time for dinner, Honey,"

"Oh. Sorry, I didn't mean to –"

"That's alright. You've always been quite a sleeper. Never such a loud one though. What were you dreaming?"

I barely remembered. What was it again? Blonde hair. Tan skin. Laughing. A bed maybe. Something along those lines.

"I don't know, Mom. It doesn't matter anyway." I said, longing hidden in my breath.

"I think I read somewhere that dreams are your inner desires, so I wouldn't call it just a dream, especially not when you were so clear."

"What are you talking about?" I started getting worried and I held my breath as I waited for her answer. Please. Don't tell me I was humping the couch or making the kissy face again.

"Well, you kept saying Rosalie's brother's name. Like you were pleading with him. Are you and Jasper fighting? I know you've never been fond of him, but there's no reason for you two to be forced into the other's presence unwillingly, right?"

Well that was better than humping, but still sort of embarrassing. My mom was usually good at minding her own business and letting go of things, luckily for me, but now this had planted an idea in her head. And I knew she was going to make a million theories about. One of them would probably also be the truth. Fuck. "No, we're not fighting. There's nothing going on. I was just dreaming."

She smiled and rose up from her crouch beside me. She stretched out a hand and I grabbed it to get up. "You're lying. But if you don't want to talk about it, then that's fine."

I sighed and followed her to the kitchen.

"What about Embry? Are you two… you know… not together anymore?"

I froze and almost hissed at her as I frantically looked around the room, "Dad?!" I hadn't exactly told my dad yet that I was gay and I definitely didn't want him to find out by overhearing a conversation with my mom.

"Relax, Edward. There was an emergency at the hospital. He won't be home until a few hours. Let's just eat, I'm starving!"

My mom made had made her famous tacos and the scent filled up the entire house, so I easily realized I was starving too, and quickly forgot about my sudden worries.

"So what about Embry? You never answered," She said once we were seated.

"Mom, you really don't have to –"

"I want us to be able to talk about things like this,"

"But I don't want to make you uncomfortable,"

She placed a hand over mine on the table and smiled reassuringly, "You're the only one who's uncomfortable here."

We shared a silent moment and we both started eating again. After a few minutes I'd finally formulated some sentences that wouldn't disgust or scare her off. She might think she was ready to talk about me with other guys, but I wasn't so sure. But I knew for sure that she'd definitely been talking a lot to Rose and Jasper's mom.

"Embry is a great guy. He's patient, loving and very mature. I like spending time with him. He makes me feel… safe."

"That's fantastic, Honey. So it's serious?"

"I suppose. The only downside to it is that he works a lot and I'm not just saying that because I'm a lovesick puppy,"

"Oh. How old is he? What's his job?"

"Twenty-two. Lawyer."

"Well, he sounds like he's trying to make a career and a name for himself. Obviously he needs to work a lot, especially if he's planning on being a successful lawyer. And you're in college, so you'll need time to study."

"Mom, I know that. And I'm telling you that I'm definitely not being unreasonable when I'm saying this, but he just works a lot. I see him twice a week tops."

"That's life, Edward," She chuckled. "You're both still very young. How long have you two even been going out?"

I took a deep breath and counted the weeks, "About two months."

"That's not a long time," She commented.

"I know, but still…"

We both fell silent and concentrated on eating. I was ignoring the silence that suddenly felt suffocating. Not because I felt frustrated with Embry's working schedule and not because I knew my mom was right and I was just being stupid. But because I realized I was lying to myself as I'd suddenly defined how I felt about Embry. Yeah, sure, I liked spending time with him. He made me feel safe. And who wouldn't enjoy that? Especially when you've been living in so much fear like I had? But there's always also a void whenever we're not together. A void that I usually spend thinking about Rosalie's blue-eyed, blonde-haired brother rather than focusing on my studies or at least missing my own boyfriend.

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**Hope you enjoyed it; we'd love to hear what you think!**


	8. Chapter 8

**WARNING**: If you are under the age of 18, you are advised to please leave this page now. This story has course language, adult material, and graphic scenes.

**DISCLAIMER**: If you hadn't noticed, most characters belong to SM, we just play around with them for our own, and people's, entertainment.

**A/N: We're back for good everyone! Sorry for the long wait. Chapter 9 will be posted in about 3 weeks. We're both very grateful for your patience and hope you enjoy this chapter :)**

**Much love!**

**- Niko.**

* * *

**Edward**

**8. Drunk**

_Ring, ring, ring._

I really should change my default ring tone into something more interesting. But in that moment the only thought running through my head was why the hell was someone calling me so early in the morning?

I took a minute to wake myself up and opened my eyes slowly, adjusting them to the bright sunlight running through the thin curtains that hung in my childhood bedroom. By the time I sat up in bed and reached for my phone, it had stopped ringing. I noticed it was way past nine in the morning, so I guessed it wasn't really an unreasonable time for someone to call. Especially if that someone was my boyfriend.

Drowsily I reached for my phone on the bedside table and redialed the missed call.

"Hey babe," A deep voice sounded. "Did I wake you?"

"Hey," I croaked. "Um, yeah. But I should get up anyway. I'm just being lazy." I rolled around a little, sighing and stretching out my still sleeping limbs. I wasn't ready at all for thanksgiving dinner at the Whitlock's. I didn't think I would ever be. Mentally, at least.

"Mmh. I wish I could be in bed with you right now."

"Ugh, don't remind me. I miss you so much," I whined.

"I miss you too,"

"So, what are you doing today?"

"Going to work in a bit, then I'm going to my mom's house for thanksgiving dinner. I just wanted to talk before both of us got too busy."

"It's okay, Em."

We talked for an additional fifteen minutes about stuff that didn't really matter and wishing each other a happy thanksgiving. I felt fully awake and ready to start my day so I got out of bed and headed for the bathroom.

Before I could even get into the hallway, I noticed my father standing not even a foot away from my door. "Dad! What… what are you doing here?"

Had he been eavesdropping, or accidentally caught a few sentences that were enough to reveal what was going on and now he'd frozen there in shock? Had he been able to hear the entire conversation? My heartbeat quickened and I sucked in a sharp breath.

"I'm sorry I was passing by, and I couldn't help but notice your overly enthusiastic voice in there." He smiled at me as if he found out a secret I was keeping.

Shit.

"Yeah… uhm, I was talking to a friend… from college."

"Yeap, I could tell," He bumped my shoulder with his fist, "You've run off for a mere two months and you've already found yourself a pretty lady? How come you never mentioned this?"

I let out a breath of relief as I realized that my dad didn't know the full truth of my secret. I was in a relationship, sure, but he thought it was with a girl. Thank god. I wasn't ready to tell him yet. I was still processing how my mom reacted and felt about it.

"Well, you know, it's… just new and… I just wanted to be sure that, you know that…"

Just then my mom came in to save the day. She walked over to stand beside my very much amused dad. "Now, Carlisle, why are you torturing the poor boy? Clearly he's a bad liar, he doesn't like making up stories to hide the truth from you." She pointedly looked at me as if wondering what the hell I was trying to do.

What the hell was she trying to do, telling him I had a secret?

"Esme, Edward might be your little baby, but he's a grown man now. And we have a perfectly healthy father-son relationship; why would he be trying to hide something from me? Now tell me Edward, do you think you'll be bringing her home soon? Is she anything like Rosalie? In that case, I like her already!"

"No, Dad, it might not be anything serious and I don't want to bother introducing you to someone who isn't special."

"I understand, Son. I'll try to control my curiosity," He chuckled.

Mom tugged on his arm, "Good idea, Honey. Now I could use your help in the kitchen…" She trailed off and dragged him downstairs.

I sighed out of relief and this time hurried to the bathroom to lock the door behind me.

After having a small breakfast and flipping through the fairly empty channels on TV, my mom came into the living room to finally tell me that it was time to leave for thanksgiving dinner at the Whitlock house. I got up and started searching through my bag for the Bordeaux v-neck t-shirt I'd picked out from home. I wore regular faded jeans along with my favorite grey converse and tried to do something about my mess of hair, but I gave up in the end.

"Edward?" My mom called from downstairs. "Ready to go?"

Sure, I was physically ready to leave. But I would never really want to go face Jasper one more, at least not in such close proximity. Because today, I couldn't just brush him off and snap rudely at him, I actually had to indulge in a conversation with him to keep up the polite façade that my parents cared so much about maintaining. Without question, I knew I would be forced to have a decent, civilized conversation with him. although i didn't know how long I'd be able to pull off the good boy image, seeing as he could so easily annoy me and he knew just the right buttons to push.

And because his eyes were so fucking blue, his hair so fucking golden and his lips so fucking plump and pink…

The car ride felt as if it only lasted about four and a half seconds before we were parked in front of the huge mansion. I gritted my teeth and trailed behind my parents like the good boy I was.

"Esme! Don't you look lovely today," Mrs. Whitlock chimed, hugged her and moved on, "And Carlisle, always so handsome."

I politely toed off my shoes and stayed in the background, silently waiting for them to be over with the pleasantries. I jumped and let out a gasp when a sudden hand rested against my shoulder.

I looked up to find blue eyes staring down at me and dimples provoking me with their beauty.

"Hey, Edward,"

"Hello," I said, keeping my gaze focused on a painting on the wall behind him.

"I couldn't sleep last from all the excitement of you coming over and us playing together like old times!" He grinned, layering the sarcasm thick. Bastard.

"That never used to happen,"

"Come on Edward, don't be such a party pooper."

I couldn't help but notice some subtle change in his way of talking to me and I immediately blurted my thoughts.

"Uhm, what happened to 'Eddie'?" I kept my voice neutral, despite my surprising curiosity. From the corner of my eye I noticed his smile shrink as he thought of how to answer.

"I know how much it bothers you… So, a couple of days ago I decided to stop, sooner rather than later."

The tone of his voice had changed completely. I couldn't keep my eyes off of him anymore. I had to look. The mocking expression from earlier had completely left, and in its place was a surprisingly shy look. A rare expression to be found on Jasper of all people. Maybe even a little pink color had crept across his cheeks.

What the fuck was this?

And were his eyes bluer today, or was it just those funny feelings in my stomach playing tricks on me again?

He lowered his gaze from mine and looked as if he was composing himself once more just before he looked back up at me with a lopsided smirk settling back onto his face. I liked that expression better than the nervous one; it was sly, a little bit filthy, and seemed to be filled with secrets just bursting to be told.

But then the walls were rebuilt and the mocking grin clouded his face. I closed my eyes in anticipation of the witty remarks, obviously looking stupid as shit.

"What, do you miss it?" He chuckled. "Want me to keep calling you 'Eddie', Eddie? I'd love to,"

I don't know what I want.

I huffed, giving up this conversation because I knew it would lead nowhere. I brushed past him and reminded myself that he was a childish person and it wouldn't be any use arguing with him. But honestly, I didn't know what I'd argue for. And I fucking hated to admit it, but I kind of liked 'Eddie'. I only liked it when he said it.

I noticed that the hall had emptied and our families had probably made their way to the dining room. I made my way towards the sound of the small chatter and found them all seated around the eight person table. As it happened, there were only three seats left, one of them beside Rosalie.

I made my way towards her but when she looked up, she looked at me apologetically and stage whispered, "Sorry, I think this one's broken," as she placed her hand on the chair beside her. I huffed and turned around only to notice that Jasper had entered the room and taken a seat on one of the remaining two chairs.

I had to sit beside him now. Fuck this shit, Rose totally saw this coming.

I sat beside Jasper and had to force my accelerating heart to stop beating so fast. It really wasn't a big deal that I was sitting beside Jasper. I mean he wasn't the same person that I used to hate a year ago. Sure he was annoying, but I could deal with him now. Sure, he still acts as immature as we were five years ago, but we're both grown men now and we know how to respect each other… I think. Sure he still treats me as if he was my protective yet annoying older brother… but that's not so bad, right?

But somehow there's still that feeling buried deep inside me of worry... uncertainty…  
We started eating the first course and Jasper was to my surprise on his good behavior. If it was our parents' presence, I had no idea. After our parents had their amusement of interrogating us about college and our new lives, Rose, Jasper and I were left to have our own conversation. All three of us knew, we'd be excluded from our parents' conversation – not that we minded. None of us were really interested in gardening and the latest political gossip in Forks.

But Jasper wasn't being particularly teasing today. He was in his always cheerful mood, but rather calm if that was possible. Rosalie, the psychic, of course knew exactly what was going on. I didn't even need to tell her anything about how I felt. It bothered me though that she knew how Jasper felt and that I already knew that she wouldn't tell me even if I asked her to.

Our conversation flowed more easily than expected and we were done with dessert before long. We decided it was time for us to leave the dinner table and sit more comfortably in the cushions instead.

"We should do something tonight," Jasper suddenly said after a moment of silence.

"Where?" Rose chimed.

His eyes shot sparks as he said, "A club."

I whined. Not tonight.

"You are coming, Edward," Rose said sternly and grasped my hand tightly.

What the fuck to do?

_**E**_

"Of course I said hell no! But that doesn't stop Emmett from walking over and punching the guy straight into the ground like it's the easiest shit in the world! I have to admit though; it was the hottest thing I have _ever _seen! The guy didn't even put up much of a fight!" Rosalie exclaimed. She finished the rest of her glass in one take as Jasper and I burst into a new fit of laughter.

Earlier this week when Emmett had taken Rosalie out for a night at the club, she'd been hit on by countless guys and hearing all the glory details of how Prince Emmett came to the rescue, was fucking hilarious. No matter how much beer I'd had to drink.

I accidentally snorted and started laughing harder as I held onto the bar for support. I lost my balance though and toppled off of my stool. Jasper tried to catch me, but he was pretty wasted too, so I accidentally dragged him down with me. After landing on top of him, I looked down and saw that he had spilt his drink all over his face and the front of his shirt. I couldn't control the laughter that bubbled out of me. His expression was so baffled, I couldn't handle it.

After I had rolled off him and he was in a half upright position.

After he was done laughing and cooled down.

_After_ he leaned over me, removed the hair from my eyes and said, "You're so beautiful."

After all that happened, I was still looking up at him in surprise and confusion. The idea of moving away was not even crossing my brain at that moment.

It's only after he said, "I wanna kiss you," as he looked tenderly into my eyes, that I sober up. My face scrunched up and I almost laughed at him again. I would have laughed if he hadn't looked so serious.

"What?! No… You're kidding right?" I pushed myself up and away from Jasper. He's fucking drunk, he has no idea what he was saying.

He surprised me further by simply smirking at me and pushing himself up until he was in a proper standing position. I think I vaguely saw him mouth, "whatever", just before he was pulling off his soaked shirt over his head and stuffed it into his back pocket as he walked away, towards the dance floor.

When I finally stood up, Rosalie was staring at me. "What? Mind your own business." I sat back on my stool before ordering another shot.

"Hey, I think Jasper has the right idea, wanna go dance with me?"

"No."

"Don't be a bitch, come on. I don't feel like fending off straight hunks on my own."

I mumbled a "fine," before allowing myself to be pulled away by my supposedly best friend. She better not have any evil plans up her Prada sleeves.

_**E**_

Rosalie and I were dancing. Well, she was dancing while and I was jumping up and down to the beat of the music. How the hell does one dance on a dance floor, while drunk, and not make a fool of themselves anyway?

Suddenly her head turned and I realized a stud had tapped her shoulder from behind. I was about to grab her waist and act all possessive so I wouldn't be left alone before she turned back to face me with a grin the size of America plastered on her face. "He's _hot_! Just one song, I promise."

Then she pranced away. Just like that. As if I was able to fend for myself in this place and make sure I didn't get raped by crazy psychotic–

I felt a tap on my shoulder and I started searching for a gun in my pockets as I turned around. Then I realized it was only Jasper. "Fuck, you scared me."

His smile grew, "Sorry, beautiful, only wanted your attention."

I quirked an eyebrow; what's up with him? "Okay so, ready to get back to the bar?"

"Actually, I had something else in mind," he held up a hand, "Care for a dance?"

"N–"

"Edward don't be such a pussy; you're gunna dance with me whether you like it or not. Now get your ass back over here." He said. He also had the decency to glare at me as if _I_ was the one who was over stepping my boundaries. "…Please?"

"Okay…" I really had no other choice. I mean with this much determination; he would probably drag me back to the dance floor even if I'd glued myself to my stool.

Once we were back in the middle of the dancing crowd, Jasper got up all close and personal. We were facing each other and I literally had to lift my face to watch him, otherwise I would be able to inspect and analyze his lips too closely for my liking.

I think Jasper noticed my awkwardness because he suddenly huffed, turned me around, and pulled me back so my backside was flush against his entire torso. At this moment in time my heart was beating so fast and hard in my ears, I swear it was louder than the music.

Not many seconds later, I felt Jasper lean forward until his lips were an inch from my ear. "You don't know how to dance, do you?"

A lump formed in my throat as a shiver passed through my body. What the hell was he doing to me? I shook my head because that's the only thing I knew how to do at that moment.

"Want to learn?" I felt his hands slide up my back, over my shoulders, and down my chest. His arms were now holding me tightly as he continued to breathe into my ear. "You're pretty hot, aren't you?"

"Uhm, thanks?"

He chuckled and said, "No, I meant, you're sweating like crazy." He slid his hands up my shirt and rubbed my stomach with his big hands. I wasn't really that fit or had the perfectly defined stomach either… what the hell was he doing? "Don't worry, I wouldn't mind if you took off your shirt right about now."

As he spoke, he started pulling the hem of my shirt up. I could have said no. I could have pushed him away and walked off. To some place else where I felt more comfortable. But I didn't. I let him take off my shirt.

But then again, he didn't simply take off my shirt like I had expected. No, he slid his palms up my belly, resting them on my non-existent abs for a minute, before continuing his slow ascend up my chest. When he reached my pecs, I think he literally moaned and buried his head into my shoulder. I myself almost arched my back in order to get more of his touch. But I didn't. I held myself back because I knew Jasper was _definitely not_ creating this lustful desire in the pit of my stomach.

Finally I felt him nudge my arms with his in order to get my shirt off. He slid it off my arms swiftly and brought the shirt back down to tuck it into the waistband of my jeans.

When Jasper suddenly stuck his fingers in there way too deep for comfort, I pulled back and turned around, raising my arm for a punch. But Jasper had his arms up in the air in defense. "Sorry. So sorry. Not gunna happen again, I promise."

I stared at him as I pondered whether this was enough for the night. Whether I should be getting back to my home, my stool, my comfort zone; or whether I should keep pushing my limits with Jasper. But really, it hadn't caused any harm so far, why not keep going? That was what people do at clubs right?

Jasper seemed to sense my giving in because he reached out his hand and said, "Come here, I like you like this." He placed me back into my spot but this time, he held onto me more tightly as he pressed my bare back into his bare chest. I'm not gunna lie, it was fucking hot in this room full of sweat and lust but being pressed up against him this way, skin almost becoming one, I almost melted in his arms. My knees weakened and my head wobbled on my shoulders.

"Why so stiff? Loosen up; let go." Jasper grabbed my hair and gently pulled back until my head fell back and rested on his shoulder. He wound both his arms around me as he grabbed my hands with his and brought them up to wrap around his neck. After he made sure that I wasn't going to let go, he let my hands free and rested both his hands on my hips, pushing me back so that his waist was flushed against my lower back.

So that his jean clad crotch was nestled against my ass.

_How the hell did I get here again? Why was I so submissive to him? _Maybe because he felt good. He felt so fucking good.

He started moving more purposefully now. He moved us from side to side; slowly turned us around and allowed our hips to move in sync with each other; against each other.

I sucked in a sharp breath as I realized my pants were somehow shrinking in my crotch area. I literally had to concentrate on the steps I was taking rather than the things I was feeling in order to not fall and plant my face into the dance floor. I had to pull myself away from those feelings because if I thought too much about it, I knew I'd finally realize what was going on. And knowing who I was doing it with would be the worst of it all.

Or the best. Fuck.

I cursed myself as I realized that thinking too hard did in fact mess up my coordination. I stepped to the right too fast before Jasper had stepped so I ended up tripping over his foot. Jasper tightened his grip on my waist as he laughed quietly into my ear and breathed out "hold on tight," causing a shiver to ripple through me. I squirmed and with the intent of pulling away from his warm breath, I found myself leaning my head towards him.

I could feel his tongue on my earlobe.

When the tickling sensation became too much, I bit my lip in order to keep the laughter at bay and turned my head to look at him. His movements slowed down as he tilted his head so he could get a good look at me. Well, he was more like staring at my lips like they were some sort of kind soul that he wanted to reach but couldn't.

What the fuck was wrong with him? This wasn't Hollywood.

I must have been unconsciously leaning forward because suddenly I felt his breath enter my mouth. I immediately closed my mouth and bit my lip. I wanted to stop this. Whatever was going on. I wanted to pull away and run outside of this damned room and get a breath of fresh air. But I couldn't. Not when his stare was so intense and it felt like he cut open my heart and was reading me like an open book.

I think I finally knew what real butterflies felt like. Wait why did I have butterflies in my stomach?

Well if I wasn't going to pull away from him, then I might as well do something. The fraction of an inch that had been separating our lips was no longer existent as I had let myself fall forward. Our lips met and pressed against each other. I felt the butterflies suddenly turn into hummingbirds.

I could tell that Jasper was at first surprised by my sudden initiative, but he sure as hell reacted quickly as he turned me around by the waist and made sure to re adjust his tight hold on me. We were now fully facing each other. Kissing and moving lips against each other as if it was the last chance we'd get to do it.

We were kissing. It was a real kiss.

I knew it was a real kiss and not just a dream because he tasted fucking fantastic and I liked the way his big hands quickly tangled themselves into my messy hair. I almost didn't want to admit it, but he was a damn good kisser. His lips were hot and firmly pressing against mine.

I also knew this was real and not just some fucked up nightmare because damn, Jasper was really impatient. His mouth was open and I felt his tongue sweeping over my bottom lip. He wasn't just licking or tasting, no that was over; he was literally pushing and prodding. He was being demanding; trying to get access to the heavenly inside of my mouth. I refused and I could feel the vibration against my lips as he groaned. I couldn't hold back the smile at his frustration.

I felt him grab onto my hair tighter as he forced me closer, working his lips along my jaw line and back up to my earlobe. My soft spot. He'd caught on to that. Shit. I shivered once again and surrendered when his lips were back to my mouth. This time I let him have full control. His tongue swooped my bottom lip, then top out of courtesy. Then he plunged right in. His tongue massaged mine and I felt my tongue have a mind of its own as it greeted him with pleasure.

I felt my body sag against his; all the power I had was all used up now. I couldn't think or work my brain, let alone hold myself up; especially knowing I had a knight in shining armor holding me up.

As he took full dominance of the kiss I realized I fucking loved the way his tongue worked and I started to wonder where else it would do an amazing job. I felt like I was having the best night of my life.

Why couldn't everything I do be as careless and fuck-free as this?

But just then, I was knocked out of whatever trance I was in when Jasper pulled away harshly and abruptly. I blinked twice, wondering what the hell I'd done. But that was when I realized he didn't pull way, he was _being_ pulled away.

"Jasper, where the hell is Edwa–" Rosalie's eyes landed on me and her eyes widened.

This was like a smack in the face as I came back to reality. I felt like the DJ boosted up the music to full blast as it was on mute a few seconds ago. The loud music and sounds of people dancing all around us was starting to freak me out. Was I here this whole time? Jasper and I were dancing… and then we just… kissed?

I felt my stomach turn upside down. The hummingbirds were being swatted away by an angry baseball bat.

"I need something to drink,"

Both Jasper and Rosalie frowned the exact same way, but followed me as I pushed my way through the crowd of bouncing sweaty people.

I sat back on my favorite stool and rested my head on the cool counter. Rosalie stood beside me as she patted my back, "Why are you shirtless?" Rosalie mused. I glanced up and realized that Jasper was no longer with us.

"I was feeling hot,"

She arched an eyebrow at me and took a sip of her drink. "Well, I don't know whether to be disgusted because he's my brother or to be excited because… that was fucking hot!"

Her words echoed in my head and I didn't answer, instead stared intently at the blue weird looking shit of a drink Rose ordered me. An Ice bear, I think the bartender called it. The drink looked gay as hell, but I kind of liked it; it did its job perfectly. I looked back at Rosalie to ask her if we could leave but I noticed her eyes were locked on something in the direction of the dance floor. "What?"

"Nothing, never mind." She looked back towards me and smiled awkwardly.

I followed her line of vision carefully, not knowing what to expect.

Then, I realized what was going on. Jasper. Jasper, that drunken motherfucker, was dancing with a girl. No, he wasn't dancing with her; he was burying his face into the side of her neck as she was tilted back slightly.

My head started to spin as I realized what he was doing. Probably trying to convince her to go home with him so he could fuck her. Or he was sucking the blood right out of her just like I was feeling the blood drain out of my body this very second… Shit I must be drunk too.

I suddenly felt nauseated and the atmosphere in the club was suffocating, enough to know that this was my clue to leave.

"I think I'm gonna be sick," I muttered to Rosalie but don't wait for her as I storm out of the club. I could feel her presence as she trailed behind me. I stopped outside and took a deep breath, letting the fresh, cold night air fill my lungs. I leaned on a brick wall for some support and Rosalie grasped my hand and soothingly stroked it with her thumb.

Somehow the smell of her cucumber shampoo up close upset my stomach. I tried to hold it back, whatever it was, but suddenly I felt my stomach muscles aching as they pushed upwards. I gagged on my own bile and leaned forward instinctively as I started to puke.

It was disgusting, it really was. Only fluid seemed to have been in my stomach because that was what landed everywhere. On my chest, all over my jeans and across the side walk.

It's only seconds after that I realized my stomach had emptied itself and I was simply dry heaving and coughing into the ground.

I stood up straight and groaned, "Fuck… Fuuuuck."

I looked over at Rosalie who was standing a foot away, but holding her hand up to cover her nose and mouth.

I grabbed my shirt from its tucked position in my jeans and wiped away the crap all over my chest. I was about to go for unbuttoning my pants before Rosalie held my hand to stop me. "Come on, home is just around the corner."

We started walking swiftly as I noticed that she took out her phone and was texting somebody, probably Jasper to tell him that we'd left.

But who gave a fuck about him?

Once we were a yard away I started running towards the Whitlock's house but had to wait on the porch for Rose to catch up. I was guessing my parents had gone home because their car was no longer in the driveway. Puke had dried up all over my pants and it smelled like a fucking dumpster. My head was pounding and I couldn't seem to see more than two feet in front of me.

I was _really_ having the best night of my life. I rolled my eyes.

Finally Rosalie unlocked the door and I stumbled my way in but had no idea what to do with myself. Thankfully she wordlessly guided me to the bathroom upstairs and said, "Take a cold Shower. The towels are in the cupboard. I'll try and see if anything of Jasper's fits you."

She closed the door behind her and I took in a deep breath and then quickly stripped out of my smelly pants and kick off my underwear. I stepped into the shower and looked around to see what I'd got to work with. I spotted what must be Jasper's manly looking shampoo and body wash on one side and what looked to be Rosalie's things on the other side.

I thought for a minute about which shampoo to choose before I realized that it was too childish to ignore Jasper's things just because he was Jasper. I mean it was just shampoo for Christ's sake. I grabbed the bottle, and emptied some onto my hair, trying to take shallow breaths because I really didn't feel like smelling him right now. After washing my hair and rinsing it quickly I decided that there was no need to get close to his body wash, I just used some more of the shampoo to rub my body until I was rid of the disgusting smell.

Rinsing myself, I stayed an extra two minutes under the water. My heart was still beating with adrenaline from the aftermath of the night. I forced myself to calm down first before I stepped out and wrapped a towel around my waist after I'd quickly dried the rest of my body.

I walked out of the bathroom quietly as I remembered it was probably two in the morning and Jasper's parents were most likely sleeping in the next room.

I walked a couple of steps aimlessly before I found Jasper's room and entered. The same room that I'd been avoiding for the past five or so years.

Rosalie walked out of the closet with a shirt in her hand. "Hey, how are you feeling?" I simply shrugged and she continued, nodding towards the bedside table. "I got you a cold cup of water and Aspirin, thought it might make you feel a little better. I also found this shirt; it's big, but it will have to do. All of Jasper's jeans however, will fall right off of your slim waist."

She clucked her tongue at me a couple times before throwing the shirt back at me and reentered the closet.

I took the water and the pain reliever and turned around to go after her but before I could take another step, I spotted Jasper making his way into the room. "Hey, why'd you guys leave so quickly, I was only starting to–" He stopped mid sentence as he realized that I was only in a towel.

I swear if he caught me only dressed in a towel _one more time_ I was going to curse karma and wonder what the hell I ever did to always appear semi naked in front of this man.

Jasper's blue eyes traveled down my almost naked form and I felt like he was trying to vaporize the towel off my body with his own vision. Oddly enough, the action caused the butterfly like feeling to return to my stomach… or more importantly, I felt a tingling, lively-like feeling in my dick…

I looked away from him and sat down on his bed in order to make my growing piece a little less obvious. However the gasp that came from him caused me to look back in curiosity. Jasper had his eyes wide open, glaring at me and alternating between gaping at me and the bed I was sitting on.

_OH… uhm… fuck. _This night was never going to put me out of my misery, was it?

I noticed Jasper took a few tentative steps towards me before I heard a forceful grunt coming from the closet. I looked up only to notice Rosalie holding sweat pants in her hand and looking between the two of us like we'd grown two extra heads simultaneously. "Would you two make up your minds already? Are you going to fuck or not?!"

I glared at her, momentarily hating her for being so blunt. She raised her hands defensively, before tossing me the sweatpants. She muttered goodnight as she brushed past Jasper to her own room.

_**E  
**_

I opened my eyes slowly and made sure not to move my head because I could almost feel the pain that would take over me if I did.

I could also feel something else.

I could feel _it. _

The thing that happened last night.

Yeah, something happened last night. I couldn't exactly remember if I'd gone out and gotten wasted with Rosalie at the nearest gay bar, or if I'd simply gotten into jail for committing mass murder… Whatever it was. Something _big_ happened last night. Something life changing… just _something. _

_Wait. _

I raised my head when smelled it first. Jasper's scent. I knew it. A crazy thought passed through me immediately… did we have sex? Why the fuck did I smell like him?

I sat up and ignored my headache for a minute in order to find him. _The bast-_ Oh.

Jasper was lying, fully clothed and asleep, on a couch located at the other end of his room. It was a small love seat off of which he dangled his legs but he looked sound asleep and perfectly comfortable. And truth be told, only my side of his bed was messed up from my sleep. Well, I didn't have as _side_ of course. Because we didn't have sex. Just the side I was sleeping on last night.

So we didn't have sex. But why…

Then I noticed that I was wearing a baggy white t-shirt and some black sweatpants. I remembered borrowing Jasper's clothes last night because I puked all over mine. At the club… and before that I…

It was just then that everything that happened last night came reeling back into the forefront of my brain. A painful headache snuck up on me, so I went to get some water and an aspirin from the bathroom. I made an oath that I was to never ever going to drink again. _What a load of bullshit, Edward…_

I seated myself on the couch in the small sitting room between Jasper and Rosalie's rooms and grabbed a blanket. I leaned my head back and breathed out slowly a few times, before I started inevitably over thinking what happened last night. But I never got that far. I could hear my phone ringing from the bathroom and I quickly got up to get it. Without checking the caller ID I pressed the phone to my ear.

"Hello?" I croaked.

"Hey babe," A deep voice chuckled. "Late night?"

"Uhm, yeah… I just woke up."

"Really, that late? What were you up to?"

"Went clubbing with Rose… and Jasper."

He didn't notice my nervous pause. "Oh, nice. I'm assuming you had fun,"

_Cringe_. "I did,"

"When you coming home again?" I could hear him smile.

"We're driving back home tonight, you already asked this five times or something, Em," I chuckled awkwardly.

"I just miss you, Edward."

"I know, I miss you too," I said and shifted in my position, quickly searching my brain for an excuse. "I'm sorry but I have to go, my mom made lunch."

"Alright. See you later,"

"Yup…"

I sighed deeply in relief as soon as we'd hung up. I couldn't even talk to him on the phone while knowing what had happened last night. How was I ever going to be able to look him in the eyes? I'd cheated on him for crying out loud! I'd never thought I was going to be that type of person. Angrily I grabbed a pillow and threw it across the room. It hit a wall and fell down on the floor.

_How lame, Edward, you can do fucking better than that_.

So I grabbed another one, but never got to throw it, because a stronger hand stopped me. I looked up into cerulean eyes and my throat knotted and I was suddenly unable to speak.

"Bad hangover?" He grinned, like he didn't have a fucking care in the world.

"Mhm," I hummed and pulled the pillow to me, so I could bury my face in it. Then I wouldn't have to look at Jasper and his stupid fucking pretty smile and dreamy glistening eyes. Of course I wouldn't admit to myself that that was how things were, that that was how I felt.

He laughed and disappeared into the bathroom. After a few seconds I could hear the water being turned on and I groaned because of the images that seemed to pop up in my head. I praised myself lucky when Rose bounced out of her room, distracting me from the possible fantasies revolving in the back of my brain about her brother in the shower.

"Good morning, sweetie," she said, "Did you sleep well?"

_Cringe_. Again. "Very well, thanks,"

She reached out for my hand and grabbed it. Without question I followed her downstairs where her dad had made breakfast. Her mom was setting the table. It was funny how Rosalie's mom didn't have a clue about how to cook even the simplest things, but knew the exact date of the next Vivienne Westwood spring collection. Luckily Mr. Whitlock knew is way around the kitchen.

Mrs. Whitlock wasn't exactly a quiet woman and today I was actually glad. I let her rambling distract me and I didn't even have to say much. She didn't need encouragement to keep talking. A calm of relief had washed over me and I felt quite at ease, right until Jasper joined us.

With dripping wet hair running down his tanned neck.

I stayed completely quiet now, gluing my eyes to my plate. I knew both Rosalie and Mrs. Whitlock noticed my sudden absence in the conversation, but I didn't really care at this point. I didn't want anything to do with Jasper, not even indulge in a conversation with him, although it involved more people. Just no.

"Rose, will you please drive me home?" I asked her once we finished eating.

She lit up as usual, smiling as she said, "Of course, sweetie, hold on while I–" And then she stopped mid sentence, eyes widening and a smug smile appearing, "No, actually, I have company coming over, so I can't. But I'm sure Jasper will drive you home, right, Jas?"

I glared at her, but she just smiled brighter.

"Sure thing," He said, not noticing Rose and I's wordless fight.

But I wasn't having this. I wasn't about to get into a car with the guy who I'd made out with at a club last night and ended up stealing his bed and making him sleep on a puny couch just because I was a conservative bitch who wouldn't entertain the idea of having a physical attraction to him. Nope.

I grabbed Rosalie by her arm and towed her outside into the living room, out of ear shot.

"Rose, I –"

"Edward –"

"NO!"

"YES!"

"Absolutely not!"

"Why not?! This is the perfect –"

"This is the worst idea I've ever heard!"

"Edward, I've seriously already made plans with my old high school friends! This will be the perfect time for you guys to talk and sort everything out! By the way, I washed your clothes from last night because they stank up the entire house, you're fucking welcome."

With that, she walked away and left me forced to drive back home with only Jasper to entertain. Perfect.

_Whose side was she on anyway!?_

**Feel free to leave a review!**


	9. Chapter 9

**WARNING**: If you are under the age of 18, you are advised to please leave this page now. This story has course language, adult material, and graphic scenes.

**DISCLAIMER**: If you hadn't noticed, most characters belong to SM, we just play around with them for our own, and people's, entertainment.

**AN: **Not sure if I should start off by apologizing for the long wait or just present you with this chapter. It's actually a very long one, so I hope you guys like it and forgive us! We just hope that you'll never give up on us because we'll always come back with more, no matter the time lags! I also apologize in advance for the possible confusion between the jumping back and forth between the different Pov's...

Enjoy!

* * *

**Jasper **

**9. Funeral**

I was in love with Edward Cullen.

No, that was a fucking lie.

I was, however, in lust with him.

That was the absolute truth. In fact, it was also a dream that had as many chances of coming real as the ending of world hunger did.

I needed him in my bed, _now_, or else I might spontaneously implode.

I kept glancing over at him as I drove him home, attempting to read his body language to make sense of this entire situation. But there was really no reason to be secretive because ever since we entered the car he'd been staring directly out of the passenger side's window as if he was watching a car accident unfold.

Edward was acting like a statue just a foot away from me and here I was, barely able to sit still because of the thoughts and question running through my brain at a hundred miles per hour. Shouldn't we be talking about stuff? Didn't he want to talk about last night? _I _didn't particularly want to talk about it, but it still kind of made me uneasy knowing that the big fat elephant in the car was being purposely ignored.

But he was right. There was nothing to _really _talk about. I mean, we kissed. End of story. There was nothing to discuss. But shouldn't he want to ask what happened now? Did we keep playing hide and seek with each other, or did we consider this disaster-bringing kiss a sign from god telling us that we should put an end to this uncalled for game and part into our different ways…

I mean, I didn't have any answers, but it would be nice to know that at least I'm not the only one who was so extremely confused.

"Would you stop that?"

The sudden loud sound of his voice pierced the air and, flinching, I almost swerved the car into another lane. "Stop what?"

He turned towards me and pointedly looked at my hand on the arm rest, "That."

I hadn't even realized that I'd been tapping my arm rest harshly, so caught up in the frustrations of my thoughts. He definitely noticed, but he was relentless and without mercy. He was just waiting for me to make a fool of myself. "Sorry." I muttered.

I gripped the wheel with both my hands tightly. I really needed to calm down. If he wanted to talk, he would talk. I certainly didn't want, or _need_ to talk about anything. I doubted he would want to talk about it anyways. Talking and talking specifically with me had never been on his list of favorite things to do.

I'm Jasper. I'm cool, calm and collected. Kissing Edward last night? That didn't faze me. Nope.

We finally arrived at Edward's parents' house. Despite the fact that the minutes were expanding and slowing down as we drove, we managed to make it in short time. I sighed as the moment I dreaded arrived. He would leave me with empty, unspoken feelings pounding in my chest as a constant reminder and I would spend the rest of my day watching pointless TV, curling in a fetal position once I'd finally dragged myself into bed. Maybe it was little extreme, but that was the only way I could imagine it.

I cut the engine and waited for him to get out and leave me with a sloppy and half-hearted goodbye. But he didn't move an inch.

"Who was that girl you were dancing with?"

He caught me off guard, I wasn't expecting that. "Who?" I half whispered.

He hummed and curled his fingers around his cell phone. "That girl you were kissing."

I blinked twice, surprised as fuck at his randomness and confused because I had no idea who he was talking about. "I have no idea, Edward," I said, trying to sound nonchalant for once, "As far as I remember, I didn't kiss any _girl_ last night."

He closed his eyes for a brief second and turned to the door, "Alright. See you later, Jas,"

Spontaneously, deciding that it was my turn to say something now, I put my hand over his to stop him from opening the car door. His eyes flickered to mine, wide with curiosity.

"Don't you wanna talk about it?"

"What?" He sneered.

Oh, so we were playing _that_ game. He was going to pretend he had no clue. Finally feeling like some of the right Jasper Whitlock was running through my veins, I decided to be blunt.

"Don't tell me you forgot we kissed last night," I almost chuckled. "I can't possibly have been that bad, Edward."

"Why would we talk about it? It wouldn't change anything."

"Maybe it would feel less awkward between us."

He sighed, like I was a little kid pleading for candy. "It's always been awkward between us, Jasper."

"Well, I want to change that."

"Fine. Another day may be. I just wanna go to my room right now."

I didn't say anything to hold him back yet he still didn't make a move to leave.

"One last kiss?" I smiled.

He paused, turning to look at me more clearly. I watched him as he scrutinized every part of me, as if he was considering my offer. He even bit his lip for a half second, but shook his head and snorted, before he left my car.

I drummed my fingers on the steering wheel and watched him as he made his way to the front door. Such a shame my oversized sweatpants - which, may I add, he kept without asking me - were covering up that beautiful ass of his. He suddenly stopped walking and looked towards his parents' car. I followed his gaze and noticed his dad in the front seat, but snapped them back to the front door when his mom came out with red rimmed eyes, chest heaving in struggling pushy breaths and napkins clutched in her small hands.

I got out of my car, a bad feeling creeping from the back of my stomach.

"Mom? Where are you going?" Edward said with a voice flooded with panic. A strong contrast to the either collected or furious voice he usually had around me.

"The hospital. I'm so sorry, darling," Mrs. Cullen was trying too hard to keep herself composed.

"What happened?"

"I'll explain it in the car, just come with us now,"

Edward turned around to face me; his face already flushed from talking about last night. I didn't think I'd ever see Edward cry. But here he was looking at me with a solemn expression as if he was predicting what was about to happen. His lips quivered and he frowned as he tried to keep the water in his eyes from spilling over. An intense craving to hug him rose in me, but knowing the situation between us, I simply couldn't bring myself to do it. I simply nodded to him. It was a reassuring nod; an "_it will be okay"_. It was spoken through our eyes, a silent conversation of meaningless words. He spun around, starting towards his parents' car walking heavy steps.

I watched them drive away, before I got into my car and drove back home.

_**J**_

It wasn't until we finished dinner that day that I grew restless. I wanted to call Edward, to ask him what was up and if he was okay. If he needed anything. But I just couldn't do it. I was mostly afraid of rejection, because I knew a guy like him, who hated showing his feelings and especially to me would most definitely reject any kind of concern from anyone. But a part of me also had no idea what to say, really. I tried to convince myself that it wasn't all selfish reasoning. It was true that I also didn't want to bother him so soon after the surprise that he had earlier. He needed some space and I was smart enough to realize that and leave him alone.

So I didn't call him.

As I'd foreseen, I ended up watching lame sitcoms after I locked myself in my room. I didn't curl into fetal position in bed and cried like there was no tomorrow, but I did feel quite restless and couldn't sleep. So in an attempt to keep myself away from my phone, I opened the TV.

Without my consent, my eyelids managed to close multiple times. Eventually they stayed shut and immediately moving pictures of a teary eyed Edward from earlier that day were stuck on replay. I lay there for half an hour or so, defenseless to the mental torture before I realized that there was really one way to end this. I had to man up and talk to him. I had to stop running away from my fears.

As I started to reach for the phone, it started ringing on its own. Grabbing it, I read Edwards name and my heart might have stopped for a second.

It was fate.

"Edward?" I asked, trying my best to hide the surprised tone from my voice.

"Hey, Jasper. Sorry for calling this late."

"No, no, don't be. I was up anyway."

"Yeah, I just… couldn't sleep."

"Yeah, me neither. Do you wanna talk about it?"

It took him a few seconds to answer, only the sound of his slightly ragged breathing in the air. "My grandma passed away this morning at the hospital..."

I thought he was going to continue but he fell silent and I started fiddling with my comforter having no fucking clue what to say.

"You still there?" He asked.

"I'm sorry," I muttered, "I know you two were close."

"Thank you. But I guess that's a part of life. Dying, that is."

"I guess,"

"Okay. Well I'm sorry for calling so late, I guess I'll go now-"

"No, it's totally fine. Like I said, I was up anyways." _I was going to call you anyways_.

"Yeah, but I'm getting tired anyways. Talk to you later,"

"Alright. Bye, Edward."

Well, that helped. It only took me about a minute to fall asleep after the call put my worries to rest. Not that it made what happened better, but at least I knew he was... somewhat okay.

_**J**_

I woke up at nine and decided to go with my dad to the local gym that we used to always visit before I moved away to university. When we got back I found Edward sitting in our living room, Rosalie's arm slung comfortingly around his shoulders. Not entirely surprised at his visit, I entered the room and sat down on a couch. I wanted to sling my arm around his shoulders too, but instead I crossed my arms and observed as I tried to make sense of their conversation. Neither of them paid any attention to me. It was as if I'd never walked into the living room.

"Honey, there really is no point of you staying here. You should come back home with us and we'll drive back for the funeral. I'm sure your parents will handle the arrangements fine on their own." Rosalie said. Her voice sounded very mature, much to my surprise.

"But my mom is heartbroken; she needs someone there for her,"

"I'm sorry, Edward, but you've never really been the comforting hugging kind of person. Besides, she has your dad, I'm pretty sure he's enough for her,"

Edward buried his face in his hands and groaned quietly, before he looked back up at Rose. His eyes were teary again now and he was grimacing as if it would stop the tears from falling.

"I wish I wouldn't have to deal with this." He whispered, his voice breaking on the last syllable. It killed me a little.

"I know, sweetie," Rosalie muttered and rubbed his back in circles as she leaned in and put her cheek against his. I felt a pang of jealousy at the bond they shared together. There was just something about it that made it so freakishly special, nothing like Seth and I's relationship. I just stared at them with wide eyes. I felt like an awkward third wheel, interrupting their moment of quiet sorrow. I took one last deep breath and rose up to let them be. I'd never minded being a pain in the ass to them, in fact I quite enjoyed it, but the timing was horrible and I needed to get out.

I'd only taken one step in the direction of the door when Edward said, "Where are you going?"

Rose's eyes quickly fluttered up to meet mine with a pleading look.

"I, uhm, I was just gonna-"

"He's not going anywhere," Rosalie cut me off harshly yet still seeming gentle. Pft, I wasn't scared of her. No.

Confused, I sat back down in my seat, keeping my gaze locked on him. "Yeah, I'm staying right here…"

Rosalie kept spilling comforting words over Edward while I sat quietly and watched. It got less awkward by the minute for me, especially as Edward got a little less sad as well.

"I have to go to now," Rose muttered quietly to Edward, hand still circling on his back. "Will you be alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine,"

She looked at him with a displeased look, but didn't start arguing his condition any further. She got up and hugged me, for the first time in a while acknowledging my presence. "Bye, Jas," She said, but whispered the word _behave_ into my ear so quietly that only I could hear.

Edward didn't meet my lingering gaze until the front door clicked. He didn't look broken anymore. This could be my only chance.

"So, are we gonna talk about the night we kissed?"

His eyes flashed with a spark and he said, fucking _smirking_ now, "Which one of them?"

I tried to hold back my smile, but failed. "The night in the club two days ago,"

He sighed, drove a hand through his hair and got more comfortable on the couch. "Alright," He said, and clasped his hands.

I just kept staring at him.

"Jas," He sighed again, "Get this over with."

"Okay, well... did you like it?"

He raised an eyebrow, almost snorted at the ridiculousness of my question. It was good to know, right?

"Yeah," He mumbled.

"Sorry, what was that?"

"_Yes_."

"Good. I liked it too," I smirked.

He rolled his eyes and pursed his lips, trying to look serious, but failing miserably.

"So when are we going to do it again?" I asked cheerfully.

"You are fucking crazy,"

"And there is nothing wrong with being that, but it is completely beside the point,"

"We're not doing it again."

For a moment I thought he was going to give himself a face palm, because _he_ could even hear how unconvincing he sounded. This was going to be so easy and I was getting a little too excited about it.

"Oh, but I think we are," I licked my lips seductively and gave him a hard stare.

He froze and I caught him not being able to tear his gaze away from my lips. "No."

"Please, Edward?" I pouted and gave him my best puppy face.

"Uh, I-" He stuttered and froze again. "What the hell is _wrong_ with you?"

I couldn't help but laugh at him. He was so damn flustered and this was a completely new world to me. A few weeks ago, by now he'd be furious and screaming at the top of his lungs for me to _get the fuck out_. And I would've laughed again and said something really provocative and he'd end up stalking off with trembling fists and a forest fire in his green eyes.

"Look, Edward, I might as well be blunt, because I don't want this to be misunderstood in any way. Okay?" He nodded, biting his lip out of nervousness. Holy shit. "I really liked kissing you – it's basically all I remember about that night. And I want to do it again, _really fucking bad_."

He was speechless, at first – just staring at me with confused, panicky eyes and it felt like the entire universe was spinning. I held my breath, felt the adrenaline pump in my veins and the sound of my heart beat increase noticeable.

"That's – uh – that's great and all, but-"

"But what?"

"I..."

"You don't have to say anything, Edward," I smiled.

He shook his head with a new emotion crossing his facial features; something along the lines of disbelief. "I… Embry – I have a boyfriend!"

I paused. I really didn't want to be thinking about that big cockblocking mound of muscular limbs.

Edward seemed to compose himself as I was trying to collect my sudden rise of jealousy. "I'm gonna go home now, _Jasper_."

"That's fine – you can pretend all you want, but we've definitely… got a _thing_ going on and you can't deny it."

"I'm not _pretending_!"

"Okay, then whatever it is you're doing, it's fine – I'm a patient man."

He nodded slowly while I imagined his lips wrapped around my dick, bopping his head with those exact slow nods. A shiver ran through my body and I concentrated hard on not letting any of my lustful feelings taking physical forms on my body.

"I'll see you later," He muttered through gritted teeth and hurried out before I could react to say anything to fluster him any further.

* * *

**Edward's POV**

Deciding to skip my last class on Wednesday afternoon, I snuggled up into my jacket for the walk and started my way back home. It had only been a couple of days since we'd gotten home from back thanksgiving weekend, but I still felt like I was living in a dream and not back to reality.

My grandmother passed away the day after thanksgiving and I was still trying to wrap my head around that concept… I still couldn't get the thought of her out of my head all the damn time. I just wanted her to come back; breathing and alive. Giving me cryptic advice and pissing my parents off the way she only could. I wanted her to keep calling me regularly like she always did and tell me to grow some balls and get a fucking grip on life and encourage me to tell people to mind their own fucking business.

All of the 'what if's and 'maybe's were driving me fucking mad. Oh, and then the fact that I'd sort of cheated on my very much wonderful and loyal boyfriend. I felt like an utter douche bag, basically. And I was slowly starting to be unable to breathe, the guilt and sorrow killing me and eating me up from the inside out. The air had started to feel toxic, like I was constantly breathing through cigarette after cigarette.

I just wanted to go home under my comforter and take my mind off things. Let the sleep numb my thoughts and feelings. With a sigh I opened the door and tried to slip through the hallway and to my room without making so much noise that it would reach the living room. I knew Rose was in there and I honestly didn't feel like facing her and her sympathy. Sympathy was the last thing I needed; I just wanted to escape from the world for a few days. And then when I would eventually come out from under my rock, I would kind of count on Rosalie to give me a well-earned slap. Because she knows. She knows I cheated. She saw it with her own eyes – skin and sweat and tongues mixed with feverish desire.

I got to my room safely, but realized I was hungry and that I hadn't really eaten yet today. I snuck out of my room to look for some food in the kitchen. But of course God wasn't on my side and I could hear Rose call my name from the living room.

"I'm in here," I mumbled.

"Come say hi properly, you idiot!" I could hear her smile and I wondered why she sounded so cheerful. She'd been home all day, because her classes were cancelled and that usually meant she would still be in sweatpants with no makeup and with a hoarse sleepy voice while curled up on the sofa, with no interest in talking to anyone whatsoever.

Warily I walked to stand in the entrance to the living room and froze at the sight.

"Hey babe," He said, all heart eyes.

Rose and Embry were sitting on the sofa watching TV or something. He got up, smiling at me as if I was his favorite person on this earth. I started feeling sick. A nauseas feeling had crept under my skin and I just wanted to dig a hole for me to die in.

"Oh, uh, hey…" I got out.

He looked at me as if he was about to kiss me, completely oblivious to my reluctance. When he leaned in I flinched away and put a hand to his chest with wide apologetic eyes. And I have no idea why. Maybe because if I stick my tongue out on my lips I can still taste a bit of Jasper and alcohol and no regret at all. And that might be the worst part; the part where I don't regret anything, but just want to go back and relive the whole damn thing.

I felt even sicker when a frown appeared on Embry's face, which I didn't like. I didn't want him to be sad. Or mad.

"Can we talk?"

I could see the worry in his eyes as he mumbled something like "sure," under his breath.

I sensed Rosalie quickly shuffling out of the living room to give us privacy. I might as well get this over with, I decided. It would just get worse if I didn't. Maybe I should even consider myself a bit lucky that he was already here unannounced, so I wouldn't have time to think about it too much.

"Is something wrong, babe?" He asked, fully facing me.

"You could say that, yeah…"

"I missed you so much." He blurted out as if it would fix everything. I think that's what he thought it would.

"I know, Em,"

He arched an eyebrow at me, as if he was waiting for the "I missed you too", but I just couldn't say it. Because I hadn't missed Embry and I didn't want to lie to him.

I realized I'd been quiet for too long when he said, "I think I know what this is about." His expression was sympathetic. A genuine look of understanding. I wanted to shake him, tell him to get rid of those fucking puppy eyes and dump me as if he'd never cared the slightest about me. And if he knew, then why did he look so fucking happy to see me? I didn't even deserve to be having this conversation.

"Well, first of all, my grandma passed away last weekend," Yeah, I was beating around the bush, but it just seemed to spill out effortlessly. I didn't know why I felt more comfortable talking about my grandma, than Jasper. It just felt easier for some reason.

"Yeah, Rose told me. I'm so sorry about that, Edward, _really_. I'll help you get through this,"

He pulled me into his arms and muttered comforting words into my ear and I felt so fucking horrible. _Get it over with, Edward_.

"Look, Em, there's something else," I sighed and twisted out of his embrace.

I could see him tense up, knuckles whitening and jaw clenching. I didn't want to know what was going through his mind right now. I hesitated and breathed out slowly, as I licked my lips, to say what I had to say. But I never got that far, because the reason for all of this had just walked into the living room. I hadn't even heard the door slam.

"Hey, Edward, have you seen-"

_Are you fucking kidding me._

Jasper fell silent when he noticed the tall figure that was Embry, standing less than a foot away from me. Our eyes met and I'm pretty sure time stopped for a few seconds, despite how cliché that sounded. He was wearing black jeans and a simple grey t-shirt with his sleeves rolled up, way too cold for the chilly weather. But I didn't mind. Hell, I kind of enjoyed it because it showed his muscles and abs off very nicely. His hair was tied back with a headband and I knew he was going to cut it soon, regretfully. His jaw was extra defined today or something and his tanned skin was flushed from where the cold air had touched him. And then there were the eyes; heavenly icy blue, piercing right through me and shining so bright that I forgot to breathe for a second or two.

He stared right back at me, but tensing up just like Embry when he took in the situation. He composed himself and said, "Have you seen Rose?"

"She's in her room,"

"Thanks, man," He said and gave me the full blown Whitlock smile. And fuck my life if that didn't make me dizzy and feel like a teenage girl whose crush had just winked at her. I trailed my eyes after him, until he was completely out of sight. Even then I almost couldn't move them to look back at Embry.

"What was that about?"

"What?"

"Jasper," He seethed. "Did you see how he was looking at you?"

"I don't know what you're talking about, Embry."

He sighed and crossed his arms. "Fine."

I rubbed my forehead with my hand and was about to say something most likely hurtful, when Embry cut me off.

"Actually wait, I have something I want to say first," He said, "And it's one of the reasons I came over today."

"Go ahead."

"Alright, so… this might be kind of stupid, but I really do care about you" – I _cringed_ – "and I don't want to lose you. But uhm, there's some tension that I've been feeling between us and… I think maybe we should take a break? Just for a few weeks or so,"

Well, that surprise hit me like a bull in the guts.

"Wait what… What do you mean?"

He sucked in a sharp breath and looked confused. "I just feel like we've changed around each other lately. In the beginning you were fucking perfect and I loved every minute of our time together, but now… I don't feel like we're giving each other what we should. Also Jasper-"

"What's wrong with Jasper?"

"Come on, Edward. Even you have to admit that it seems like there's something going on with him. With his feelings regarding you."

I lowered my eyes and tried to hold back the flashbacks from the previous weekend from taking over my thoughts. Jasper had feelings for me? I'd never thought of it that way.

"There's nothing between Jasper and I, Embry, you know how I feel about him." I was completely aware of my lie but Embry was being so nice to me. He was taking all of this in stride and I couldn't help my instinct of protecting him from the ugly truth.

"I know, but… Edward, come on, I've taken plenty of psychology classes to know when two people have a connection-"

"I thought you said it was just Jasper."

"Yea, but I also noticed you-"

"Are you seriously going to analyze me?" I said my voice suddenly a little venomous. Annoyed.

"No, I'm sorry. I'm just worried something is going on, which I'm left in the dark about. And I will not just stand back and be pretentious and naïve, Edward."

"Embry, just-"

"I'm afraid that I'm losing you and that I only have half to offer of what Jasper has. Is that what is happening?"

"No! We can make this work! Jasper can fuck off with all his feelings."

I frowned as I uttered the words. Why was it so hard for me to accept what was happening? Wasn't I myself about to break up with him five minutes ago?

"Why?"

I had to be blunt about this. Otherwise he wouldn't understand. "I care about you, Embry."

"But not enough. Not enough to continue what we've started here."

I stayed quiet. Not knowing what to say. I was guilty and I didn't have anything left to defend myself with.

"Maybe it's best if we break up then," I muttered.

"Wait, that's my line!" I looked up at him in confusion. He had a small smile on his face. "Edward, I care about you too. And I don't want this to be awkward between us. I'm glad… that we came to a mutual conclusion."

"Yeah, me too," I managed a smile.

He nodded slowly, eyes turning to the floor, while he stuck his hands in the pockets of his jeans.

"I'm really sorry we couldn't work out, Em,"

"I am too. But, it's fine. I understand." He sighed.

"I'm so stupid. My first boyfriend and I'm dumping him for – for…"

"For what?" He snapped, suddenly too concentrated on my words.

"No, I meant. I'm such a bad person; I don't ever deserve a boyfriend." I shivered and wrapped my arms around myself, averting my gaze from his. I felt even worse than before, especially because I couldn't seem to filter my thoughts and almost fucked shit even more up.

"Don't say that, babe,"

I smiled weakly at Embry and said, "I'm really truly sorry. I wish I felt differently. Hey, uh… well I know this doesn't work in movies but do you think we can stay friends? Even after this?"

Embry smiled back and said, "Yeah, I'd really like that."

We were quiet for a while, just breathing, not really taking notice of each other but just staring into our separate corners. Embry eventually moved and looked at me with those fucking loving eyes again. He hugged me too tightly, making me feel almost manhandled, before he left with a quiet goodbye and a promise of talking again soon.

* * *

**Jasper's POV**

It was the Friday after we'd gotten back from our thanksgiving holiday that Demetri and I had an art gallery opening to attend to. I hadn't read the introduction flyer Demetri had stuck in my hand the previous night and told me to read. I'd had other things on my mind and lucid dreamy artwork wasn't one of them, despite how much I enjoyed those kinds of paintings.

Usually lucid paintings were splatters of coordinated colours, blending together in perfect unison. Fireworks. Layers of fireworks forced on the white canvas. It made me feel excited, bubbly – I liked watching people when they look at them. Their eyes usually flutter frantically, failing at taking everything in and making shapes out of it. Because that's the thing with lucid paintings; there are no shapes. You find yourself just imagining it. You're just seeing what you want to see. What you love. What you long for. What you miss. What you hate. What you love…

Demetri was happy that night, I could tell, even though he didn't address it directly. I would have to ask. Whatever he was high on – I wanted that shit.

"Did you fuck that boy yet?" He asked, slinging an arm around my shoulders casually, eyes gleaming with joy. His happiness was radiating, pressuring my ribs and choking me like an invisible force.

"No,"

"Why not?"

"Timing is off," I shrugged.

He let it go, sensing that the subject had turned… rather awkward. Sensitive, maybe. He just smiled at me, as if he knew something I didn't.

"Did you read the flyer?"

I chuckled and put a hand to his shoulder to stop him from walking. "I just want you to know that I love you, Dem."

He swatted my hand away with a loud laugh and choked out, "You asshole!"

"I'm sorry, okay! I promise I'll pay attention to _all_ the paintings and take notes and shit. The flyer just looked… unattractive."

He started walking again, grabbing my elbow to drag me with him. "The flyer was covered in patterns of a variety of neon colours, Jasper," He said pointedly.

"Okay, so maybe I just wasn't feeling that well,"

"You can cut the bullshit now," He smiled.

"It was fucking boring and you're getting a kick out of forcing me to read it, aren't you?"

Demetri just laughed and ignored my complaining.

I was happy that Demetri and I had become friends. I still hadn't won over Kate yet, the other journalist in the art department, but I was pretty sure that would take a little longer. Also, the department had gotten another intern that I hadn't met yet. But the intern had been forced into the care of Kate, since Demetri and I hit it off from the start, so I hadn't really had the chance to introduce myself. Every time I asked Dem where the hell she'd run off to he'd say she was busy being taught the logistics of things by Kate.

We were however finally meeting Kate and her intern outside the gallery, just a few blocks away from where we were. Demetri kept babbling excitedly about random shit, not even taking the time to tease or provoke me as he usually did.

"Why are you so happy, man?" I asked, cutting him off mid-sentence, when I couldn't take it anymore.

Pink coloured his already flushed cheeks from the wintry air and I knew before he said it. "I met someone last week,"

"Oh, yeah?"

"She's… perfect, really. It just feels right,"

"That's nice. I'm happy for you." I said truthfully. He didn't notice the haze that covered my eyes when I realized what he was saying – that he was in love, but I didn't want him to be. I suddenly got the urge for a cigarette, not that I would ever act on that ever again, but –

"Her name is Jane. I'm meeting up with her after this," He smirked.

"What!?" I gasped, pretending to be offended, "No beers after this? No clubbing? I'm disappointed in you, Dem."

He snorted. "Like you wouldn't ditch me for the chance of some pussy," He paused, "Or hot ass, I should probably add."

"Douche," I laughed.

We rounded the corner and my eyes quickly found Kate and her intern. Kate looked like esthetical ice in a silver dress with long sleeves, but her intern... _her fucking intern_.

She was tall, curvy in the right places and with legs that seemed to go on forever. Her hair was blonde, her fringe pushed to the side and the long hair travelling down her back in wavy shapes. She was wearing a black dress with lace sleeves and a bare back and blood red lips. The dress code for art openings was usually pretty fancy, so I was wearing my nicest suit, matching all the dresses nicely.

"Well, don't you look stunning tonight, Miss Katherine," Demetri chimed in a teasing tone.

"You're late," She crossed her arms, glaring.

"Yeah, by thirty seconds, quit sulking,"

She sighed and gave him a small smile. "This is Athenodora," Kate gestured towards the blonde, red-lipped woman.

"You can call me Athena," She smiled privately and stuck out her hand in greeting. She had a slight accent – I couldn't figure out which though.

"I'm Jasper Whitlock," I said, as I took it and gave her my famous smile.

"Demetri," Dem nodded.

"We should head in now," Kate said, venom in her voice as usual, "You can drool later."

No one said a word – we all just trailed behind her. I could sense Athena's smirk behind me.

I started out with having a nice chat with Jack Hardwicke, one of the main artists. His paintings were hanging on almost all of the walls. I'd just quietly glanced at them to get a feel of them and promised Demetri I would scrutinize them carefully when I'd talked to the artist.

Notebook and pen in hand, I sauntered through the gallery, completely focused on the splashes of colours clinging to the canvas, when I'd gotten enough useful key words out of the artist. I was halfway through when I could feel a presence walking up behind me, but I ignored it until she spoke.

"They're sort of sad though, aren't they?" She mumbled, "Despite all the colours." Her voice was angelic, chiming and harmonizing perfectly, turning the syllables fluid and even.

"What makes you say that?" I turned to her, but quickly turned back to the painting, not wanting to get distracted from my work.

"The colours – they just seem so... frantic and chaotic. A bit crazy. Like looking into the mind of a schizophrenic – or a psychopath for that matter. But they still have some sort of calm about them, maybe a melancholy feel. I like it, though," She paused, "What do you think?"

"I..." I took a few seconds to _really_ look at the painting in front of me – trying to make shapes out of them like everyone else. This picture was flowing with green and white and brown carefully sliding into each other. Around the combination were blue, black and orange shades in lines, casting shadows and protecting the green bubble of light in the middle, as if saying _this is mine_. I could suddenly see the shape of a nose in a streak of white paint and two twirling circles in green above the white. _These are the eyes_.

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding and clutched my notebook tighter, crumpling the paper a little and smudging out the edges of the messy words that I had scribbled down. I turned my gaze to Athena. She didn't look impatient, maybe a bit amused with crossed arms and a gleam in her dark eyes.

"I like them too."

She nodded knowingly and handed me a glass of champagne. It tasted like crap.

Athena accompanied me silently through the rest of the gallery; taking notes herself of the works. We shared a few comments once in a while, but never more than that. A few girls came up to me and offered themselves, but I was definitely not the in the mood, because... well, _the eyes_. Men came up to Athena as well, but she didn't even glance at them twice, before rejecting them with simple movement of her manicured hand.

Demetri, always the social butterfly, was prancing around talking to everyone who would appear to enjoy his company and I didn't really pay much attention to his whereabouts. Instead I paid attention to Kate's. And it wasn't that hard, because she seemed to shadow Athena and I's every move through the gallery. I earned quite a few glares from her whenever I accidently caught her eyes.

When we reached the last painting Athena turned to me, crossing her arms again, still wearing the amused expression that's been plastered on her face all night.

"I guess I'm going to win the bet, then,"

"What bet?"

"Kate bet one hundred dollars that you'd ask me out or at least hit on me tonight,"

"That's a dangerous bet – considering you don't know me,"

"I just had a feeling," She mused. "So?"

"Yeah. You're going to win."

She hummed and fell silent. Then she chuckled. "Can I ask why?"

"First of all," I said, plastering a smile onto my face, "I think the charming Miss Katherine over there wants to go down on you, which would make me dead if I even tried to come on to you. Second, this is kind of like my work place, I'm in a different set of mind. And third... I think I already have someone else in mind."

She nodded. "Makes sense," She said reasonably.

"Are you going to let her?"

She laughed like the bells would sound in heaven, touching her hipbone and sliding it down her thigh slowly, "She already had her turn."

"I think she's up for another round,"

"Maybe,"

This girl was incredibly innocent, yet so fucking _dangerous_.

"You look like you could use someone to talk to," She said.

I shrugged, trying to focus.

She took a step forward and stuck her hand in my pocket, grabbing my phone. I could feel her sugary breath on my face and her perfume on my tongue. It tasted like _darkness_. She typed her number into my contact list and slipped it back into my pocket, but not stepping back. Her proximity was arousing, in a strangely non-sexual way.

"If you ever feel lost, give me a call," She whispered against my cheek.

A lump formed in my throat and I got distracted from formulating a reply when she kissed my cheek, probably leaving the trace of red lips onto my skin. She walked away, letting Kate close her arm around her protectively as she walked up behind her. Athena turned her gaze back and smiled brightly at me when I caught it, maybe a tint of menace hidden in the depths of her eyes.

_**J**_

I went straight for their apartment and realized halfway that I was still holding that disgusting glass of expensive, bubbly champagne. I dropped it onto the pavement, realizing how stupid that was too late, but continuing to walk quickly nonetheless. I just needed to see the colour of his eyes – if it matched the painting.

My throat was burning with cold air when I reached their apartment. I leaned against a wall outside their door first, catching my breath and preparing my eyes for who I was about to see. I regretted not drinking more of the free champagne, if not for the taste, then at least just for the buzz. I walked in quietly, not wanting to startle anyone or create a fuss, because I honestly just wanted to see Edward. I didn't need Rosalie's excited squeals and Jacob's booming laughs. Maybe later, when I would be miserable with rejection.

"I'm really sorry, honey," I could hear Rose talk from the living room. I stilled to listen. I didn't even feel bad about it. "But I can't go with you home for the funeral. I have an important English exam the same day, which I definitely can't miss out on. But you're not driving back alone, I'll make Jacob come and –"

"No," He said, "Jacob has his own exam that day, I'm fine, I can drive back alone, it's –"

"Be reasonable, Edward, that is ridiculous and you're definitely _not_ fine."

This was my fucking cue.

"I'll drive him back," I offered as I casually walked into the room, as if I wasn't in a suit with my bowtie open and hanging messily around my neck, as if my hair wasn't tangled from the wind, as if I wasn't hyperventilating like crazy, as if I didn't look like a pile of shit.

Edward looked up at me with curiosity and shock. _They were definitely the same colour_.

Rosalie pretended to be oblivious of the air between Edward and I and my current appearance, but simply turned to Edward and said, "See! Jasper will drive you and take you to the funeral. It will all be okay!"

She'd said the magic words apparently, because Edward nodded and pressed his lips together in acceptance. "Where have you been?" He asked as he took in my image from head to toe completely off topic and catching me by surprise.

"Art gallery opening a few blocks from here. I walked."

"Oh."

Things must have made sense to him because the prominent frown of confusion that had appeared on his face disappeared immediately. A breath of awkward silence lasted, before Rosalie got up with knowing eyes.

"Alright, guys, I'm gonna go to bed," She fluttered past me, kissing my cheek lightly, and headed into her bedroom.

I was frozen in place. My breath was caught in my throat. And Edward was staring at me with wide, musky eyes – they had turned a shade darker now. _But the shape…_

_Fuck, Jasper, get your shit together_.

"Are you tired?" I blurted out. That was stupid.

He shook his head, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt.

"Should I leave?"

He didn't say anything and I took that as a _no, you can stay_. I moved to sit down on the couch beside him, trying to calm my nerves. My fingertips were shaking. I could feel his scent surrounding me, intoxicating me, driving me fucking mad. And I could see his eyes so close from here, only inches away – oh and _the lips_. They were so pink and full and they looked fucking delicious.

The tension was thick – a little suffocating in an extremely good way.

He rose up, startling me and bursting my bubble of whatever the fuck I had going on. He disappeared into the hallway and came back with a blanket from his room. He was wearing slim black jeans and a grey fluffy sweater and his hair was as always a mess of sex. He adjusted the light, so it was barely even there and grabbed the TV remote. He sat down closer to me than before, so our knees were almost touching and flipped through some channels. He stopped at a channel that had just started playing some movie – a thriller, judging on the general darkness of the images. That was the most attention I could pay to it.

It was so quiet – the volume so low that the talking was muffled and the background music inaudible.

"Was it a good art gallery opening?" He suddenly asked and shifted his eyes from the screen to me.

"It was, yeah,"

He slid the blanket up around his shoulders and offered me some of it, with a gesture of his hand. I twisted out of my blazer and tossed it on the floor along with my bowtie, already feeling pretty warm, but wanting to get closer to him.

Edward wasn't angry tonight – not with me, not with anyone. I decided that meant the usual boundaries could be pushed a little, so I leaned up against the corner of the couch, turning my body so that he could cuddle into my side. I grabbed his wrist with a light grip and tried to pull him closer. He just stared at me with wide eyes first, but then seemed to accept my request and put his head down on my chest while his hand clutched my shirt a little too tightly for it to be casual. He shuffled a little at first, readjusting himself and putting his legs up on the couch. He let out a sigh when he'd found the perfect position.

"Are you okay?"

"Better," He mumbled.

Not thinking twice about it, I drove my hand through his silky hair. I could tell how bronze it was, even in the dark. "When is the funeral?" I asked, while I continued the slow movements of my hands through his hair.

"Next Tuesday," He paused nervously, "Are you sure you're not busy?"

"One hundred percent sure." I gulped, struggling to keep myself from leaning down to press my lips to his forehead.

"Embry and I broke up."

"What?"

"Yeah, we broke up two days ago."

"Oh…" I hid how fucking happy that made me, because that gave me one less problem. Now I wouldn't have to deal with that bundle of flesh that seemed to just have gotten in the way of things from the start. This meant I could make Edward concentrate on me – and me _alone_.

"Why did you break up?" I asked out of politeness, because I really didn't give a single fuck why, as long as they weren't together in _any_ way.

"Guess we just didn't like each other enough," He shrugged.

I hummed in response and continued stroking his hair praising this moment of peacefulness.

I think we both fell asleep after that.

_**J**_

The coffin was covered in a variety of flowers; chrysanthemums, orchids, lilies, peonies and gerberas. People were still scattered around, not in their seats because the ceremony hadn't begun yet. They were chatting, muttering condolences under their breaths. But Edward and I were seated. He didn't want to talk to anyone, which wasn't unusual behavior for him. I just sat next to him and tried to be steady and firm – something he could cling to.

The ceremony begun and I could clearly feel the wave of sadness that washed over Edward. His jaw had clenched and his was pinching his nose bridge every now and then. When his mom came up to say a few words, Edward started shaking. Mrs. Cullen was wearing the exact same expression as I saw her come out of her house that morning; red-rimmed eyes, struggling breaths and flickering gaze. I slipped my arm around Edward's shoulders when the shaking didn't stop after a minute or two.

Neither of us said anything when we drove home. We didn't really have to.

His mom, on the other hand, wasn't as depressed as Edward when we came home. She seemed relieved because she was smiling warmly at us and she'd made a nice dinner. I figured it kept her mind busy, gave her purpose for now. Edward and I sat out in the kitchen talking to her while she made dinner and I offered my help, but she refused, so instead I took it on me to entertain her. And Edward. I felt completely at ease and in my element doing just that. I was good at cheering up people with the right amount of joy.

It wasn't until that dinner was halfway eaten that my breath caught in my throat once again and I felt unsure and nervous about the situation.

"Well, the guest room is being used by your aunt and uncle, Edward, so I guess Jasper will have to sleep on the couch?" Mrs. Cullen looked over at me apologetically. I got kind of taken aback with the implication. I hadn't really thought about it, my inner desire had just assumed I was getting to sleep in Edward's room. Not that I would make any sort of move of course, I understood that he was going through a difficult time right now, but...

He would probably agree with his mom and let me sleep on the couch. I sighed.

"Mom! Jasper is a guest too, we can't just throw him on the couch," His face was full of exasperation.

"What are you suggesting...?" She kept glancing back and forth between the two of us with an uncertain look in her eyes.

"Jasper will sleep with me. In my bed."

I held my breath because otherwise I was sure I'd have let out a loud gasp, a weird laugh or a cheer. I looked back over to Edward's mom and her eyes had all but fallen out of their sockets as she was having a staring contest with her son.

"Well… sure, that's fine, dear… just… make sure you… get as much asleep as possible, you've exhausted yourself enough today."

Wait… what? Was she implying what I thought she was implying?

Edward just rolled his eyes at her and muttered something incomprehensible. I kept my mouth shut, not wanting to interfere with something that could to turn into a bloodbath. Edward's dad didn't know Edward was gay and seemed to forget that I was technically bisexual, so he didn't seem to have any problem with us sleeping together and didn't say anything either.

I would've stayed and socialized at the dinner table a little longer, if they didn't all look so exhausted. And I got that. I remembered when my own grandma died and how tired I felt – both emotionally and physically. So Edward gave me a pointed look after a while and I followed him upstairs.

He guided me into his bathroom attached to his bedroom so I could shower. As soon as my dick got in contact with the hot water, it stood up at alert. I could almost feel it begging me to jerk off. I couldn't deny it release, seeing as the past week or month or life time with Edward had been complete tension filled torture. But I just couldn't come up with images of Edward naked and lying on the bed. Or better yet, Edward helping me out down there… It was that I felt as if I was overstepping some boundaries that had been set up. Sure, he wouldn't know anything about this, but I'd feel guilty nonetheless.

_Yeah. That made sense._

I showered and brushed my teeth very thoroughly after that, just in case. A man could keep his hopes up, couldn't he? Besides, Edward had surprised me so many times before – he could easily do it again.

He was going through some stuff in his drawer when I returned in just my boxers. His eyes raked my body when he noticed my presence and I started feeling self conscious, which I never really did. The tension was turning thick again. It started feeling like some invisible force was sucking out all of the oxygen in the room and playing around with our desires.

After eyeing me with a curious expression, Edward entered the bathroom and locked the door behind him without a word. It felt as if he was in there for a really long time, and I started wondering if he was having issues putting his head in the right place like I had.

He came back out wearing plaid pyjama pants and a white almost translucent t-shirt. I could tell he'd been trying to fix his hair, because it was less of a mess than before. He walked past me and disappeared out in the hallway only to return a minute later with an apologetic half-smile.

"I can't find the extra comforter we have and my mom is already asleep... Guess we'll just have to share mine,"

"Alright,"

Inhale, exhale.

"Do you mind if I sleep in my boxers?"

Edward froze, wearing an unreadable expression before he said, "Go ahead."

I couldn't help but smirk, because the emotion that crossed his face sure as hell wasn't anything like disgust or fear or anger... I couldn't quite pinpoint what it was though. I noticed out of the corner of my eye that he was fiddling like a maniac, as I slid under the comforter and lay on my back. He turned off the light and got under the comforter next to me with a sigh.

I had no fucking clue how long we just lay there, twisting and turning with each breath and being careful not to graze each other. Whenever we did though, we'd each either quietly gasp or hum deep in our throats. Time dragged and my head starting throbbing. I wasn't going to get much sleep and I was already sporting a semi – he was just so fucking close. Eventually Edward stopped changing position and I calmed down on the outside and decided to just stick to lying on my back, trying to think of dead puppies and shit to calm my dick as well. Edward was lying on his side with his face turned away from me and I could tell he was breathing quickly – each breath seemed forced and heavy. I couldn't even consider falling asleep knowing he was fully awake, only inches away from me. The simple fact that I could roll over and kiss him and probably get a response out of him – whether it was negative or positive – was enough to keep my mind painfully awake and spinning.

Edward turned to lie on his back. "Are you asleep?" he suddenly mumbled, breaking the silence that seemed to never come to an end.

"No,"

I could feel the shuffle of the sheets as he turned to his side. His knee touched mine but I didn't flinch away. I turned my head to look over at him, catching him staring directly at me. It was too dark for me to be able to read his expression, but I was pretty sure he wasn't mad. He still wasn't mad. I wondered when I would slip and piss him off.

After that moment, things happened very quickly; Edward rolled over fully and pressed his entire body into my side. Before I could even gasp, he caught my lips with his and started kissing me. At first I was in shock and couldn't bring myself to respond to his lips, but once I'd gotten over that, I could suddenly taste the desperation. It was innocent at first, gentle kissing, yet frantic. I fisted my hands in his hair and revelled in the sensation. As I recalled the drunken times we'd kissed it was amazing, but this... this was just breaking the scales and it was just _lips_.

I could feel him slowly lift his leg so it could lie between mine. He opened his mouth slightly as he did so and breathed out, while I uncontrollably and frantically ran my hands up and down his back that was regretfully covered in the thin fabric of his t-shirt.

Not being able to control the animal in me any longer, I pushed him until he rolled back and I was completely on top of him. Edward fucking groaned into my mouth when our crotches came into full contact and it took all of my effort not to start humping him immediately. My hand trailed down his side and dared to gently cup one of his ass cheeks, while my other hand was at the back of his head, forcing his lips harder against mine. I could feel his growing erection pressed against my own and demanding for friction. I moaned at the contact and pressed him down harder into the mattress as I attacked his neck, trailing kissing along his neck vein and down to the edge of his shirt.

My lips separated briefly from his skin as I slid my hand under his t-shirt and swiftly pulled it over his head. I started where I'd left off and trailed kissed down his abdomen and to the edge of his pyjama pants. Edward arched his back but I felt his hand reach down to drag me back up to his lips. I rested my naked chest against his and sighed into his mouth as I parted his lips forcefully with my own and he welcomed my tongue with a heavy exhale and a twist of his fingers through my cheek-long hair.

I pulled away from his lips to gasp for air and worked on his neck again, this time sucking harder and pressing my teeth into his soft flesh.

"Jasper… wait… shit we have to…"

Not wanting this to come to an end, I took a chance and slid my hands underneath down his back and edged them into the hem of his pants.

_Fuck me sideways, he wasn't wearing any underwear. _

Edward exploded when I cupped his bare cheeks, touching every part of me he could reach frantically and pulling my hair with violent movements. He wrapped his legs around my thighs as I dug my nails into the firm skin of his ass; earning a loud hiss from Edward that sent an electric jolt straight to my dick.

"Fuck! Jasper…" Edward stuttered in between shaking breaths, as I sucked harder on the exposed skin at his neck, "Fuck me…" His words were emphasized with a dramatic thrust of his hips to mine.

"What?" I whispered, my words ghosting across his skin.

"Fuck me. Please,"

I lifted my head to look at him and tried to figure out if he was actually being serious. It seemed to snap me a little back to the real world and remember the strained relationship Edward and I normally had.

He groaned with impatience when he noticed my stunned expression and took matters in his own hands as he palmed my dick through my boxers and dug his fingers into the skin at the jut of my hipbone to pull me closer.

"No, wait –"

He stared at me with expectant eyes.

"We can't,"

It took a few seconds to sink in. "Why?"

"Because I – because no, we just can't. No."

He kept staring at me, not quite believing the words that had just left my mouth. I didn't really get it either. It just felt wrong.

Suddenly the sound of our heavy breathing was too loud in the small room. Edward released my hips from the grip of his legs and collected his arms to himself. He stayed still under me, looking to the side, as I looked everywhere but at him. I felt like I was intruding on his personal space but before I could even think about moving away he muttered a "fine", gritted his teeth and twisted to push me off of him. He rolled to his side to face away from me and lay on the bed as far away from me as possible.

For a while, I just lay there trying to process what had just happened. I replayed all the touching and kissing and moaning in my head, sighing in pleasure at the fresh memory. But then what… I felt helpless. I didn't want to fuck him. Well, that was a lie, there was nothing I would rather do, but I didn't want to fuck him now. It felt wrong and hurried and unplanned and a little meaningless. I – I cared for Edward in a way that I would've never imagined and I wanted, well, I wanted this to be fucking special. I didn't want to be used by him. I didn't want him to fuck with my emotions even more than he already had, because he never voiced what the hell he was thinking and feeling. There were so many unasked questions that had piled on between us, just quietly floating between us in a stream of awkward words. Almost too awkward.

If I was being completely honest with myself, I was pretty sure I was crushing pretty fucking hard on my little sister's best friend – Edward Cullen. The awkward, introverted guy with crazy hair and eyes as green as spring leaves. And I was… well, Jasper Whitlock. It pretty much said it all. I just couldn't get a fucking grip of how the hell I'd ended up in a situation like this, where I had refused to have sex with Edward, even though I wanted to so badly. And now I was left in an emotional mess. I was miserable and fully erect. Surely, that would keep me awake for a few hours.

_**J**_

I opened my eyes to the sight of magnificent bronze hair. I rolled back away from Edward and was thankful to all gods that I hadn't managed to grab him in my sleep, something that seemed to always happen in movies. He was curled into a ball and snoring ever so slightly. I exhaled heavily and tried to calm my accelerating heat. I tried to close my eyes and sleep a little more too, but had no such luck. I got out of the bed carefully and made my way to his bathroom for another shower. I didn't exactly need it, but I knew it would help me calm down and stop thinking about last night.

Edward's mom had already made breakfast when I entered the kitchen, my hair still wet from showering.

"Good morning, Jasper!" She chimed. "Did you sleep well?"

"Morning," I managed a smile, "Yeah, just fine."

"Good, I was worried the bed was too small for such big boys like you! Is Edward still asleep?"

I bit the inside of my cheek and sat down as I said, "Yeah, he's sleeping."

"Would you be a darling and wake him up for me? Breakfast will be ready in a few minutes,"

I couldn't refuse even though I knew that was probably the worst idea right now. I had a gut feeling Edward wouldn't be too happy with me waking him up from his beautiful slumber. He would also be unbelievably pissed at me for a while, if not for the rest of my existence. I swallowed that up however and went up the stairs slowly, trying to stall.

He was in the same position I'd left him in. I walked to his side of the bed so I could look at him like the creeper I was. He looked extremely peaceful like this, hands lying flat on the white sheets and his upper lip slightly sticking out in a cute pout.

"Edward," I said quietly. He didn't even stir. "Your mom made breakfast,"

I resisted the huge part in me who just wanted to lean in and bury my face in his neck to breathe in his scent and memorize it, locking it up somewhere nobody would steal it. I too ignored the part of me who wanted to press my lips to his forehead continuing down his nose and ending with a peck to his lips.

I did lean in though, putting my lips close to his ear and whispering, "Edward, it's time to wake up."

This time he stirred, twisted and arched his back as he stretched himself. He blinked repeatedly and squinted with his eyes when they'd finally adjusted enough to the light to keep them open.

"What time is it?" He croaked.

"Nine,"

"Fuck," I heard him mutter before he buried his face in his pillow.

I stayed completely still and waited for him to do... something. After about thirty seconds he twisted again and slid out of bed, being careful not to touch or look at me. He disappeared into his bathroom and sauntered out again without as much as a care in the world and fully dressed after a few minutes. He didn't even look at me, but simply just headed for the kitchen.

Dumfounded and almost a little annoyed I made my way downstairs and stared right at Edward. My eyes almost never left him because I wanted him to look at me and see the truth in my eyes. I wanted him to acknowledge what had happened last night and that I definitely didn't regret anything, except the part where I'd rejected him without telling him why, basically because I was a confused dumbass.

I tried acting as normal as possible around his mom and indulging in small talk, but I couldn't stop getting distracted by Edward. And I wasn't really in the mood to talk to anyone besides him. Mrs. Cullen definitely took notice of the tense silence between her son and me, but didn't comment on it, which I was grateful for.

Edward avoided all sort of contact with me and only talking to me whenever I asked a direct question. Even then it was short answered and vague. I'd definitely fucked up.

This was a bad sign.

Mrs. Cullen had baked us raspberry muffins to eat on the way home to Seattle, but they did nothing to reunite us, as the thought behind them may have been. Frustrated with myself for not being able to tell him that I really, really liked him in a way where I didn't just want sex from him but everything I could possibly get, I gripped the steering wheel tightly. When he wasn't sleeping with a pillow clutched in his hands, he'd plugged his headphones in and listened to music I couldn't distinguish.

It was dinner time when we arrived and if Edward hadn't been pissed I would've asked him if he wanted to get take out and chill at my apartment for a bit. I was almost certain he would have agreed to that and that fact made me restless and annoyed – the simple fact that I could've spent time alone with him.

"Thank you for coming with me to funeral," Edward mumbled his voice groggy of sleep.

"You're welcome,"

He looked at me and gave me one vast nod before he climbed out the car slowly. I sighed when he opened the trunk to get out his bags and clenched my hands into fists. I didn't want him to go. Not now. Not ever.

"Don't be a stranger," I said, when he turned around with bags in his hands to look at me one last time.

He nodded again, without as much as a word and spun around on his heel to go inside.


	10. Note

This is not an update! Sorry!

It is however, a short message to tell you lovely people on alert that although you might have given up on us, we hope you'll come back later! Because there will be an update! The next chapter is in the making, but real life does get in the way and there's hasn't been enough time for us to sit down and finish this thing. But we are aiming for getting back into business by the end of May/Early June. I know it's late, but I don't want to make promises I can't keep… May be we'll post earlier… but keep your heads up for May/June! Thanks so much for all your support so far and incoming reviews, we appreciate them!

-Chris


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